Its been a while since I have posted something on here. Life has been a crazy mess for the past few months. In the beginning of February I left my husband. There were so many reasons and at the time it seemed like a separation would be the best thing for both of us. I moved back to my hometown and started living with my dad. I really thought that he would call someday and ask me to come home. He never did. After a couple months I met somebody who made me feel good again. He took me out on dates, opens doors for me. We have had a lot of fun together. I decided to move back to the town I left behind because the separation from my daughter was way to much to handle. Since I have been back here, Im starting to miss my ex. We see each other every day. We laugh and joke like old times. I think that the reasons that we had problems was because of the way i felt about myself. I have been with him since i was 17. I've never worked or paid any bills by myself. I didn't know who I was without him and I knew that i needed to find that out. When I talk to him about getting back together he says that I hurt him too much by leaving and that things would never be the same because i started seeing someone else. But he wants me to stay the night and make dinner, everything that makes my head get all twisted up. We have been sleeping together since a week before I moved back. When I am with him I really feel like things could work out. But he is so emotionally closed off to me, I can't tell where he stands. When we had a few drinks the other night I asked him if we were ever going to get through this and he said he doesn't know. Should I keep waiting around for him to decide what he wants? I don't want to hurt this new guy. He is really sweet to me and tells me how he feels about me all the time. I don't love him though. I don't know if things will ever go back to normal with me and my ex though. Im so confused. I;ve even talked to the new guy about this and he tells me that whatever I decide to do he will always be there for me. He understands why I am confused.

Kind of sounds like you miss what you used to have with him and only want to be with him because he is what you know and are comfortable with. However, it seems like all he wants now is a booty call and someone to do for him. What is he doing for you in return except messing with your head.
I think you should give the guy that has your best interests at heart not his own the chance.

well, if i thought that it was as bad as it could get, i was wrong. my husband and i did get back together, and for 2 weeks it was nothing short of amazing. life was getting back to the way it should be. I explained things to my boyfriend and he really did understand. We stayed friends. Last week I found out that i was pregnant. It just so happened to be the week that i broke up with my boyfriend and went back to my husband. This is the only time in my life where it could be either way. So, I thought that the best thing to do would be to be honest with both of them. I called the ex-boyfriend first. He seemed pretty shocked but said that he would stand behind me no matter what i choose to do. but that night when i told my husband he wasn't so understanding. He told me that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. That I can figure this out on my own since I got into by myself. I tried to explain to him that it really could be either way and he said bull . I have decided not to keep the baby. Not that I don't want to but I have been going through a lot of the past few months and having a baby right now seems out of the question. Plus I don't want to have another relationship based on a baby. My ex understands that and has let me come stay with him while we wait for the appt and to take care of me afterward. He has been so amazing about this whole thing and it makes me wonder why in the did I leave him? I want my life with my husband back. We have been so happy for the past 4 years and I don't know why i left him 4 months ago, I just knew that I needed to figure some things out. I can't believe i am pregnant right now. I don't think that it has actually sunk in. I want to have more babies, I just want to be happy about getting pregnant for once. When i got pregnant with my daughter i was only 17 and i was scared out of my mind. I love her with all my heart but a part of me has some kind of resentment towards her. I know that i am the one who got pregnant but when i had her, my whole life changed. and i have been trying to figure out who i am ever since. I don't want to bring another baby into the situation and not be totally ready.

I just read your other post from some time ago....

In that post you said you "wanted to run away from it all".

Seems like that's exactly what you did in the end...

What did you escape from? The fact you were 17, into drugs in a big way, got pregnant whilst still on drugs, kicked the drugs, he kicked the "dealer" job and you tried for a "normal marriage" but yet, still you needed to escape and you did.

Then someone "sweet, caring, different" entered the picture, you kind of liked that, went for it. Then left it for familiarity? Went back to your husband, then bamn, pregnant, got told to leave, so went back to the "sweet caring different man?

What you need, is to clear yourself from BOTH....

You don't know who you are anymore as you haven't found you yet, your just scratching at the suffice and sorry, the sweet man is a rebound and your using him...

Get yourself together, move in with your family, find you, then and only then can you decide what YOU want and work towards seeing if it is attainable...

At the moment your drifting from one to the other and back again, all the while avoiding responsibilities and you'll confuse your little girl even more as well, as obviously she lives with your husband at this stage.

You love her to death, even more than yourself, yet you resent her...

You also possibly need to go and speak to someone about this, as it is all going around in circles in your head, there is no clarity.

Just my opinion.... You need to find you and be in a happy place with who you are now...

CW

I would agree with Chandlers Wish. You are running around in circles trying, trying, trying to find who you are, when in realty, you have know clue. Before starting another relationship, you should have cut all ties to your husband. I can understand that you have been with this man ever since you was 17 and he is the father of your daughter but, you are playing mind games with your husband, daughter, this new man and yourself. I can understand that times get hard between you and your husband and that you feel like you've grown apart. Work on being the BEST YOU, you can be. That would mean not being involved with anyone until you get yourself together first. Know yourself before you start to know anyone else. Your daughter is watching everything that is going on between you and her father. How do you think this makes her feel? She is having a hard enough time trying to figure this out. Please take yourself out of the equation and think about others instead of yourself.

I decided not to have an abortion. I just couldn't picture myself actually going through with it. I couldn't even say the word out loud. I was disgusted by it. I told everyone involved what I decided. The next day I started having a miscarriage. When I went to the hospital I found out that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I was really sick for a while and it was really hard. The physical pain was so terrible. I just kinda shut down from everybody for a while. Its been about a month now and I am doing a lot better. I took your advice and am not with either of them now. I found out a lot of things about the boyfriend that shows me that he wasn't who I thought he was. I don't know if I was the one pushing him over the egde or if that was just who he was, but he is out at the bars every night. Doing drugs and drinking until he blacks out. And he blames it all on me! Saying that if I wouldn't have left that things would be the same. I can't be around someone like him. Its hard enough to stay sober without having someone in my life who just wants to get screwed up all the time. My husband and I have become very good friends. Without the staying over and all that stuff. He comes over and sees me on his lunch breaks. We went out last night and played some pool. We do things with our daughter together and I know that she loved seeing us around each other without fighting. Last night when we were driving, he turned the radio down, looked at me and said "You know I miss you, right?". I feel like I just want to go home. Where life is normal and I am with the people I want to be around. I miss waking up to my daughter everyday. I miss going to bed with him every night. It kills me to drop him off at his house and go home to nobody. I know that it hurts him to. How do I fix all of this? I can't find a way to just make it all better. I never pictured our life ending up like this. I made so many mistakes. I am just afriad that all I am going to do is keep making them.