Triumph through struggle is what strengthens a bond, so dead end crappy jobs secured IMO should be fine for getting married so long as each can handle their own affairs independently of eachother. That allows for splurging and vacations and whatnot instead of the typical grind.

What I meant by "forget what everyone's told you for a moment" is to imply that no one elses suggestions should influence your decision to get married. Atleast that's my outlook on it.

And hey, the worst that's gunna happen is you'll get a divorce, but if neither of you can sustain yourselves, a divorce can complicate things quite a bit. It'll complicate things anyway, but if you have no money ontop of that and one person relies on the other or it's just a mess from the get go, things will be unnecessarily rough.


So, if this applies -
take care of myself? Check
Takes care of his/herself? Check
Want to get married? Check

Get married. We aint here too terribly long barring tragedy, but no one's immune to tragedy so get a move on, enjoy it, but don't be caught with your pants down is all I'm saying.

Life isn't easy, isn't always fun, hard work is inevitable especially at first, so why not go through all of that together?

Well, that pertains to the "special" bond that you develop as a result of having gone through the rough patches, good times and bad, together not separately... Alot of people hold out, don't discuss go through their own problems separately, which is not good at all... equality is a word i use a lot, so is communicaton...

Sometimes just a little information can be construed in many ways, whereby a slightly more in-depth one, can tell a story... Sounds like you and your Fiance will never get divorced Seems you have a profound way of thinking...

CW

This is true. Having agreed with it tho, I am also pulled by the other side of it. Thinking so lightly about marriage ie: the worst that's gunna happen is a divorce... is one of the big reasons marriage just isn't what it used to be. Divorce is way to easy these days. Marriages aren't taken seriously like they used to be.

Agreed and I think one of the problems is that a lot of people go into it with the thoughts of "if it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce". It seems that there is no such thing as honoring a commitment these day.

Here is what is recommended in professional pre-counseling sessions:

Have 2 lists that consists of the same questions.
You answer without his help and he answers without your help.
Then you meet together at a time when you are not in a rush to really talk about the list.
Talking about the list in honesty and not trying to agree just to keep arguments down. Here are some questions that may appear on the list.
Feel free to add more. Questions should be concerned about big issues.
Not who-gets-mad-if-the-toothpaste-cap-is-off questions.

1) Do you want to have children? How many, how soon?
2) What is your religion, are you practicing it. If different from yours which one is important to you for the household?
3) Do you expect one of us to take care of the kids at home and the other spouse work?
4) What type of discipline you feel is acceptable for raising children?
5) How good is your credit?
6) How much debt are you in?
7) Have you ever been arrested, why?
8) How much do your relatives like to visit/sleep over?
9) How do you feel about birth control?
10) Would you be willing to relocate if my job relocated or I just wanted to relocate to another state/country?
11) If I became really ill, would you feel comfortable taking care of me for years if needed?
12) Do you prefer large/small wedding?
13) How much money do you feel is acceptable for a family to save?
14) Do you plan on going back to school?
15) Have you ever hit a guy/woman?
16) Do you have a substance abuse problem/drink/do drugs?
17) How often a week do you like to have sex?
18) What sex act would you absolutely not like to do?
19) Have you ever done a "taboo" sex act. What was it?
20) Have you ever slept with someone of the same sex?
21) Are you HIV positive? Carry any type of STD?
22) Have you ever been tested for HIV?
...

*Note, it is important to see how each of you react when you are in a stressful/angered situation.
You usually can tell the true character in 6 months to a year.

I agree one month is very quick but it sounds like you are only talking about it. It is nice to know that you both see this as a commited relationship and thinking long term. Speak to him about when he thinks you would get married he might be thinking of some time further into the future. If he is not then I would be asking him what was his hurry. I'm sure he is very much in love with you but other factors may also be contributing. He may feel a little insecure and not wanting to loose you once you have more time to get to know each other.

My fiancee, second marriage for us both, started talking marriage quite quickly, but not quite as quickly as this. It freaked me out a bit at first but after we talked about it he was thinking of a future time. we have been together two years now, living together about 8 mths and getting married in November.

Getting to know each others good and bad qualities is really important.

No hurry, just have fun getting to know each other. This dating/honeymoon timne is really special.

Good luck
tt

You've received some good advice here. One thing I'd add to that is that marriage magnifies things. The good things and the bad. At least it magnifies how you feel about them. It may seem over rational, but I would consider a Ben Franklyn list. List the good on one side and the bad on the other side of the paper. This isn't a judgmental kind of exercise or comparing him to prince charming but more of "I like this and probably always will....(good) I don't like this about him and probably won't tolerate it for long (bad) etc. Also get to know people who have had relationships with him long term ie family, people from church, old friends etc. If he hasn't had many long term relations you probably won't be one either? Also if they barely care to admit they know him this isn't good, however if they sing his praises and are happy to give/loan/trust whatever that's probably a good sign that he's a giving person that has and can invest in relationships with others. (There's a lot of selfish son's of female dogs out there- you want to make sure he's not one of them!) Just a handy point of reference you might say. I've come to know and notice that trend a little too well in people I've tried to get close to. ouch!~ I guess meeting people they've had relationships with is like a relationship credit report. Marriage is kind of high stakes (high risk/ high reward) so I'd go for it once I could assess the risk and how it fit me. Meeting and talking w. people of their past gets you that quick.