Hi all,

I'm a just married man and am having some difficulties with in-law problems.

There's no problems between me and my in-laws but my parents and my wife's parents recently went on a holidays together and there were some clashes.

My wife's parents have been telling my wife some bad things about my parents, a lot of which I feel are untrue after I heard what my parents said. But my wife is really closed to her parents and I don't think what I said will change her thinking. I really want to tell my wife what my parents told me but experience is whatever I tell my wife will be passed onto her parents which may just make things worse.

On the other hand, I don't want any misunderstanding between my wife and my parents.

What should I do? Very stressed and confused and I really want everybody to get along.

Any advice? Thanks in advance.

First, I can't imagine a better way to arm a time bomb then for the two couples to go on a Holiday together...That is like having the Nitro within arm's length...

From being in the place where you are talking about, there is truly no good way out...It is like a Dodge City shoot out....No winner, only loser's...

The very best advice I can give you is for you and your wife to have a truce...Make it a lifetime pact....Whatever your parents say about me or my parents that would hurt me, keep it to yourself...Don't ever tell me....I, in turn will do the same for you....I married you and not your parents...I love you and that is what counts....I only want to know all the good things about you...Not them or that they do not care for me for some reason....Then stick by it....Don't break the rule and pretend that in some special times that they don't exist...Stay away from the duel gatherings as much as you can.....I wish you well...

Take care, Caroline......(I will be married 50 years very soon to the same man and we kind of followed these rules)

This was only us....I am sure most people have a relationship like the couple in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.....but we didn't.......But, I did proceed to have My Big Fat Champagne Hangover...So I got that out of it..TC, C

Thanks Caroline for your advice.

Although it sounds a little passive, I guess its the only way to go!

Cheers

Because you are newly married it is normal that the old alliances, each of you to your parents, has been running longer and may be stronger for now than your new alliances, the two of you as a married couple.

This may be a good learning time to strengthen this new married relationship. You could approach your wife with the idea of being able to talk to each other, as in this situation to clear the air with the understanding that this info. doesn't go back to the parents. I would tread a little carefully though and make it clear that you are not looking for a winner here or taking sides, your parents over hers. Just give her the information so she doesn't feel badly towards your parents, making it very clear though that you are not taking sides and looking for a winner. Afer all it is your wife and your self that are important here not the in laws, they are only in laws because of your reletionship together.

Sometimes parents find it hard to let go initially and this quoble between the in laws and them telling you both about it may be both or one of the couples checking their 'child' although married is still on their side.

You need to be able to talk about what you want together in a way that respects the others feelings and this is something that needs to be practiced.

Good luck and congrats. on the marriage.

tt

I think the above poster gave excellent advice...The main problem with new families trying to know each other, is that sometimes you try too hard...Trying to do everything right can sometimes lead to disaster...Maybe we all try too hard to be liked...

All in all, it is the young married couple that count...Cling to each other and don't worry about pleasing everyone...How often do you all get together? TC, C

Thanks for your advice.

Just maybe another silly question. I'm pretty closed to my parents as well and I really want to go and visit them at least once or twice a week, but my wife really dislikes that idea. She said her parents are overseas and she only gets to see them once a year, so why do we need to see my parents every week.

Am I really too "harshed"?

Oh dear, here i was thinking it was a battle of the in-laws, but it seems that its a battle full stop?

It should not matter at all, how many times you see your parents, verses how many times she sees her parents?

Perhaps, it's more that she feels un-comfortable around your parents as to why she has commented as such?

You perhaps don't need to see them every week, but it should still be your choice, either on your own or with her.

If she is not comfortable around them yet, then offer to go on your own sometimes..

You should see your family when ever you want to.. It's your life there.

She needs to understand that if you have the chance, then why not, it's not your fault that hers are overseas..

We only live once and you never know when they will no longer be there and it's important to you, so could she respect that side of things.

That's just my opinion.

CW