I haven't been in here for a few days. I guess I am breathing a little easier. I am still very concerned for my husband. But have realized through and through that there is nothing that I can do. I just have to wait it out and hope and pray that he doesn't harm himself in any permanent way. Me on the other hand: I am trying to still distant myself. I have good and bad moments but the goal is still the same. Every now and then I may wonder what it would be like if he would be ok and come home. But then I talk to him and see that the person he is now isn't all that great. He has even admitted that he is selfish and an . He says he can cut off his emotions and just use logic. His logic is pretty screwed up now though. But I listened to him because I want to know where his head is at.
My emotions and my head are getting closer to being on the same path. Which is nice. Everthing still hurts and stings but at least I am not stunned.

It may be the exact "medicine" that he needs, to come to realisation and go back to whom he once was.

But jacun, remember "Rome was not built in a day", even if he does change, he can snap his fingers in safety and change again.

You are doing great...

Must feel good to start to feel a touch of "self worth"...

Yesterday he came over. We all had a good time laughing and we went for some Krispy Kremes. I though that today would be the same being the 4th and all. He was in a pissy mood as soon as he walked through the door. While we waited for the fireworks I started laughing about an inside joke that I have. It's about his out of state "friend". Any way I couldn't hold it in because there were these people in front of us that was the picture of how I imagine her. He got livid that I wouldn't tell him the joke. He was like you did this a few weeks ago. You need to tell me what is F'n funny. He asked if I was laughing at his expense and I told him I wouldn't do that. I'm not rude that way. He spent the next few hours in that sour mood. And the more fun I had with the girls the more aggitated he got. I was not going to let him ruin my day, so we enjoyed it even with his grumpy face around. I started thinking next year is going to be so much better. which made me smile more and he frowned more.
He really didn't even hang out with the girls, he just had his presence there. Not to complain b/c at least he's trying. This is the first time I have seen him that he hasn't been on some substance. I think he was withdrawing and just grumpy and trying his hardest to intimidate me. I'm glad that I have passed some stages because this would have broken me even a week ago. He's losing control over a lot of things and I think he is becoming aware of it all.
To top it all his last ditch effort: I was having bad contractions. Sitting for hours is not tolerable right now. I didn't want to be alone but he said you'll be ok. Call me if you need me and he left. I was able to even shrug that off. He has no clue how far I have started to distance myself. His tantrums are ridiculous now. I don't have to lower myself down he can get mad, he can get mean but he can't get me to react the same way anymore.

Congratulations. Sounds like you are gaining control over your life. I bet it feels good. Stay strong.

I haven't read the entire thread but I just wanted to suggest something:
It sounds like you were/are in a codependant relationship. This is actually a form of an abusive relationship, although it is often one where the abuse stays on a verbal/emotional level. Because of this, I would reccommend doing some reading and perhaps seeing a professional about some of the patterns that were in your past relationship and what you can do to get yourself out of them. I wish you the best - I just got out of a similar relationship (with, yes, an eternal bachelor) a year and a half ago and it was definitely a challenge moving forward. However, you sound like an intelligent and caring woman, and with three children to look after I know you will have the strength and inner wisdom to prevail

Some days are harder than others. Today I missed him or better yet the nice him. I have been seeing more of that lately. It's probably because I've been ignoring him. I am not getting back on the rollercoaster ride with him. But every once in awhile those thoughts of him coming home creep up.
Maybe its because it's closer to my due date. I haven't pulled away as far as I want and it's hard to let this last thing go. Too bad there isn't a fast forward button.
My doctor decided to put me on Anti D's because of the current situation and dealing with post partum. I feel that would have been too much right now. They are helping out a lot. Other than those fleeting emotions I am going to enjoy the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy. This one will probably be the last one. I don't want a fourth c section.
Still don't know how to send private messages. I'll try to figure it out.

Wow, so close hey.... I can tell your excited. And, pleased that you are still on the same road.

I'll send you a Public Message on your page so you can try the Private Message.

Take Care

CW

I am on the same road of letting go. Although it is harder at times than other. I know there is no way through this other than just going thru it. Whoever told me life was easy was lying. This is a position that I never imagined myself being in. If anyone has tips on how to let go please share.

I have been told to set up boundaries which i do need to do. I am having trouble doing that because he is still paying for everything and I feel financially stuck. I don't want to make him mad and have him pull everything away. On the other hand I did speak with an attorney and I would eventually be fine after the process is started.

I am going to try and take a break from all of this stress and not worry about the future.