I haven't been in here for a few days. I guess I am breathing a little easier. I am still very concerned for my husband. But have realized through and through that there is nothing that I can do. I just have to wait it out and hope and pray that he doesn't harm himself in any permanent way. Me on the other hand: I am trying to still distant myself. I have good and bad moments but the goal is still the same. Every now and then I may wonder what it would be like if he would be ok and come home. But then I talk to him and see that the person he is now isn't all that great. He has even admitted that he is selfish and an . He says he can cut off his emotions and just use logic. His logic is pretty screwed up now though. But I listened to him because I want to know where his head is at.
My emotions and my head are getting closer to being on the same path. Which is nice. Everthing still hurts and stings but at least I am not stunned.
jacun
Everthing still hurts and stings but at least I am not stunned.
It may be the exact "medicine" that he needs, to come to realisation and go back to whom he once was.
But jacun, remember "Rome was not built in a day", even if he does change, he can snap his fingers in safety and change again.
You are doing great...
Must feel good to start to feel a touch of "self worth"...
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
able to laugh at his BS
Yesterday he came over. We all had a good time laughing and we went for some Krispy Kremes. I though that today would be the same being the 4th and all. He was in a pissy mood as soon as he walked through the door. While we waited for the fireworks I started laughing about an inside joke that I have. It's about his out of state "friend". Any way I couldn't hold it in because there were these people in front of us that was the picture of how I imagine her. He got livid that I wouldn't tell him the joke. He was like you did this a few weeks ago. You need to tell me what is F'n funny. He asked if I was laughing at his expense and I told him I wouldn't do that. I'm not rude that way. He spent the next few hours in that sour mood. And the more fun I had with the girls the more aggitated he got. I was not going to let him ruin my day, so we enjoyed it even with his grumpy face around. I started thinking next year is going to be so much better. which made me smile more and he frowned more.
He really didn't even hang out with the girls, he just had his presence there. Not to complain b/c at least he's trying. This is the first time I have seen him that he hasn't been on some substance. I think he was withdrawing and just grumpy and trying his hardest to intimidate me. I'm glad that I have passed some stages because this would have broken me even a week ago. He's losing control over a lot of things and I think he is becoming aware of it all.
To top it all his last ditch effort: I was having bad contractions. Sitting for hours is not tolerable right now. I didn't want to be alone but he said you'll be ok. Call me if you need me and he left. I was able to even shrug that off. He has no clue how far I have started to distance myself. His tantrums are ridiculous now. I don't have to lower myself down he can get mad, he can get mean but he can't get me to react the same way anymore.
Congratulations. Sounds like you are gaining control over your life. I bet it feels good. Stay strong.
Codependant relationships
I haven't read the entire thread but I just wanted to suggest something:
It sounds like you were/are in a codependant relationship. This is actually a form of an abusive relationship, although it is often one where the abuse stays on a verbal/emotional level. Because of this, I would reccommend doing some reading and perhaps seeing a professional about some of the patterns that were in your past relationship and what you can do to get yourself out of them. I wish you the best - I just got out of a similar relationship (with, yes, an eternal bachelor) a year and a half ago and it was definitely a challenge moving forward. However, you sound like an intelligent and caring woman, and with three children to look after I know you will have the strength and inner wisdom to prevail
Some days are harder than others. Today I missed him or better yet the nice him. I have been seeing more of that lately. It's probably because I've been ignoring him. I am not getting back on the rollercoaster ride with him. But every once in awhile those thoughts of him coming home creep up.
Maybe its because it's closer to my due date. I haven't pulled away as far as I want and it's hard to let this last thing go. Too bad there isn't a fast forward button.
My doctor decided to put me on Anti D's because of the current situation and dealing with post partum. I feel that would have been too much right now. They are helping out a lot. Other than those fleeting emotions I am going to enjoy the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy. This one will probably be the last one. I don't want a fourth c section.
Still don't know how to send private messages. I'll try to figure it out.
Wow, so close hey....Originally Posted by jacun
I can tell your excited. And, pleased that you are still on the same road.
I'll send you a Public Message on your page so you can try the Private Message.
Take Care
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I am on the same road of letting go. Although it is harder at times than other. I know there is no way through this other than just going thru it. Whoever told me life was easy was lying. This is a position that I never imagined myself being in. If anyone has tips on how to let go please share.
I have been told to set up boundaries which i do need to do. I am having trouble doing that because he is still paying for everything and I feel financially stuck. I don't want to make him mad and have him pull everything away. On the other hand I did speak with an attorney and I would eventually be fine after the process is started.
I am going to try and take a break from all of this stress and not worry about the future.
i know how you feel. the only thing different between you and me is that i was not married to him and we've never had children but reading your whole thread feels like someone else telling me my own story. my ex and i had been together for abt 4 yrs, not an easy feat considering my age, only 21. yes we met in high school, yes they say that those relationships never last, ppl never get that no matter how old you are or where you met or how long you've been together the pain of a break up is just as painful, just as heart wrenching. he used to hit me. i forgave him. the second time it happened, i forgave him again. you know what they say once they start they never stop. then he started changing, drinking a lot more, hitting the clubs with his single friends, 'living life' thats what they called it. just like you, there was a girl, just a 'friend' who understands him they way i never did. what a comparison to make from someone who's stuck with u for 4 yrs to some floozy he meets at a club. this girl tells asks him why he stays with me if he's so unhappy. he ups and leaves me. just like that. one of your posts really hit home. the one where you said there are up and down moments but the goal is the same. it stings and it hurts but you are not stunned. kudos to you moving on and taking control, i cant imagine what i'd do if i were in your shoes. i am finally realising what an abusive r/ship i was in and love really does render you blind. from the outside you see things as they are and thank god you finally do. i dunno how to tell you to move on, i know it takes time, yes patience is hard, trust me i know, im not the kinda girl to sit around waiting for stuff to happen but in this case we have no choice. this may sound lame but good inspiring break up songs are sometimes all i need to put myself in a better mood in the morning when i wake up and realise it wasnt just a bad dream. i too think sometimes, how much easier it would be and how happy i'd be if he'd come back and be like the 'old' him. but i firmly tell myself that its not possible anymore. even if he did, things will NOT be different no matter HOW MUCH you'd give up for it to be true. i personally would give my life. they are millions of guys out there who'd love to be with you, children or not. yes break ups render you helpless, you think you're going insane because he makes you feel like its all your fault and yet your heart knows deep down inside, you've done nothing bloody wrong! you feel all alone no matter how many friends pat your back and tell you not to cry. you think you'll never love again and no one would ever want you the same way again. these are all NOT true. keep your chin up, jacun.
Thread from 2008, you may want to start a new one.
Closed.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
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