Im 26 year old mother of a four year old and 7 months pregnant with a baby girl. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have a wonderful relationship. He is an excellant father, and husband. Recently we went back to visit family in our home town which is 9 hours away. My husband was meeting with a friend at a bar to do some drinking... which he NEVER does... he only has one kidney so it hits him REALLY hard. He ended up not coming home and calling me at 630 in the morning saying he had gotten a flat tire, and was afraid of getting a DUI so he parked his car at his aunts apartment complex. He wasnt sure which apartment was her's thats why he didnt go in... which I know before he wasnt sure which one it was....... ANYWAYS... he said he tried changing the tire there, but the tool to put on the donut was rusted and he couldnt turn it.... he didnt call me at 3 in the morning when it happened cause i was staying with my parents and he didnt want to wake us all, which i believe cause my parents are the kind that would flip... SO... he comes home and goes to sleep ALL hungover... totally wasted... reeked of booze and all... i went up to where the car was with my dad to change the tire... to my surprise, I found a condom wrapper in the cup holder and 2 unopened condoms that had falled down by the seat. I was devestated. THIS IS NOT MY HUSBAND... then I found the box they came in outside the car in the grass... (this is a pretty public area also..)
I went back and confronted him... He denied it... he said OMG, I didnt cheat on you Im being set up... cussing swearing, I didnt believe him... I (sorry for the detail here) asked to smell him "down there" he was clean... didnt smell of sex... but didnt smell like he had washed either... I gave him stories that he could have easily taken and used to get out of the situation... I said "did you give your keys to anyone to borrow the car??" Did your alcholic brother take our car??" He said there was no way anyone else but HIM was driving that car.... he then said he was TOTALLY SMASHED... blackouts like.. he said he really didnt think he cheated on me... but obviously it doesnt look good and he couldnt explain the problems, he said he felt that maybe something did happen, but he just cant remmeber... he was teary eyed... not crying... sick to his stomach.... I dont know he kept saying... I dont know... I dont remmeber what happend... I remember leaving the bar, and going to my car, going to the gas station, getting cigs coming out realizing i had a flat, saw a cop has someone pulled over down the road, and got freaked out... i drove the LONG way around town to get to my aunts.. his aunts was REAL close to the gas station. I slept in the car... thats all i remmeber....
Over the next few days we discussed the situation more... I had him call his friend (good friend of both of ours) he was with and i listened on the other end... i made him say "I dont know what happend this night who did i leave with blah blah blah" Here is the short version of all this --- I am a million percent sure his friend is telling the truth he says they were togheter all night and they left the bar together, and my husband said he was just going to go home.... " thats the last he saw him. I believe our friend. Also my husband is basically saying it was sooo trashed that it is possible that he DID cheat on me, but deep down he doesnt feel taht he did.... I told him in order for me to be with him, we have to both accept the fact that he cheated... and try to move on from there... I know my husband loves me... I KNOW he doesnt want to lose his family we mean everything to him... there is no doubt in my mind that he wants to be with us. My thing is .... does he REALLY not remmeber.... or did he make the mistake and just doesnt want to fully admit it... I dont think he would lie to me after he sees how hurt i am... he says he would tell me ANYTHING... he could remmeber... I just dont understand how you can get THAT drunk and not remember !??!?!??!?! Plus... if he was straight minded enuf to make up a story about the cop and clean him self up, and blah blah blah... why would he not be sober enuf by the time he called me to GET THE EVIDENCE OUT OF THE CAR!! It took me a whole 2 seconds to see it in the car!!!!!! I found nothing else in my car.... no hairs, no nothing... just the condom wrapper.... If i cheated I would make DANG sure there was NOTHING in the car... especially if he knew enuf to throw the condom BOX outside the car???? WHY where the condom wrapper and other 2 condoms still in there???was he set up?? did he cheat??? if he did is he lying about not rmemebering!?!?!? How do I get past this... cause I want to stay with him... but... I just dont know what to do!?!?!?!?!?! Please help me Im on the verge of going insane!!!!

Don't go insane, I have seen that first hand. It's hard but you need to keep yourself together for your own health the health of your daughter and of your 4 year old.

Ok you are looking at this from different angles, which is good. And you want to give him the benefit of doubt because he's your husband of 5 wonderful years, but at the same time you don't want to be taken advantage of and made to be a fool. Have you ever suspected him of infadelity before? Is there any other instances in the past that did not add up? Could this be some sick joke that someone he knows pulled on him?

I agree with , it's great that you way it all up, instead of automatically calling it quits over something you don't know.

Yes, if he has 1 kidney and can't drink, he can get so drunk to remember most of the night but not the end of the night.

The fact that he parked and fell asleep, i would tend to honestly think as you said it's an open space, that two lovers of sorts, had some fun, having sex right by that car, maybe even on it, laughed and threw the condom inside the car and the other two for good measure so he would find it and wonder WT, as they could see he was out of it.

Hypothtical just as much as your thoughts are, but very likely... Kids would find something like that exciting to do, sexually and funny to do after, making a guy think what did i do? Only, he didn't as he didn't find them...

The tire was flat right?

And, he didn't try to hide in corners after, and genuinely appears to be upset a tad as well over it and yes, if he did do something, remembered, he would have checked the car for footprints on windows, hand prints, etc as well... A natural instinct.

Plus it was still a car park at a block of flats, he had a flat tire, so what he gave her ten bucks after and said catch a taxi home seeya i'm now going to sleep, and also to get it up when he can't even walk straight, well he had a hangover.

That would be my bet in all honesty...

CW

Thank you sooo much for your replies and I hope to hear more from you, so I DONT go insane...
To answer your question, damd... No I have NEVER expected infidelity before... NEVER.. I think that is what makes this even harder, this is NOT my husband at ALL!!! I dont think that he was set up tho... I honestly believe that he DID cheat on me... maybe not, but Come on??? I mean where did the condoms come from.... i do believe that he left the bar at 230... which means whatever happeend happened between 230 and 630.... I mean it is possible for him to have drove somewhere, had sex, then got the flat tire, and THEN parked the car at his aunts... I just dont see how he could remmeber that he left the bar, went to get smokes, saw a cop, went the long way, parked at his aunts and went to sleep.... and doesnt remember having SEX?!?!?!?! If this was the case he should know for certain that he didnt do anything else... I guess what it really boil down to is .... Is he lying to me and DOES remember or does he just want to get past this as quick as possible... i just dont see my husband living with the guilt... and he has no reason not to tell me he DID cheat, ecspecially when he is admitting that he was SOOO smashed it was a possibility.... Like I said before... if he was sober enuf to clean himself up, cause he didnt smell of sex, sober enuf to make up a story... why would he not be sober enuf to throw out the MAIN evidence....He is upset about this as well, but he wants to forget about it... cause its driving him insane what might of happened... These are his words.
The guy he went out with ... he was suppose to be the best man in his wedding in sept... which is when our baby girl is due... he was planning on going home... but now... HE made the decision not to be in the wedding since I am unable to go... he says he will NEVER drink, or go to a bar without his wife again, and i DO know that he loves me and his family beyond measures.... I couldnt ask for a better father...

You are a lucky woman , you can't be there so he won't go...

And your adimant that he did, instead of looking at scenarios that are more than possible as pointed out...

He loves you end of story, simple and you him...

Diss theories that may be possible but make sense.

The bottom line is, you love each other.

CW

You are right...

We love each other, I believe he did cheat, but I also believe that he was REALLY messed up. I also didnt mention that I found a photo of him taken at the bar that night on a random person's myspace page... nothing to be concerned about.... but in the picture he was with his friend and I cried because of HOW drunk and messed up he looked... I have seen my husband drunk, but not like this.... SO... regardless of what happened that night... I love him and we can get past this... Its just hard to get the thoughts out of my head, and that is what Im going to have the most trouble dealing with....

Also, sorry for the detail, but he has MADE LOVE, passionalty to me several times since this happend, and it hasnt even been a week yet.... I think if he KNOWINGLY knew he had cheated, he wouldnt feel comfortable to do that... and he made the move...

So, I think overall we will be ok, its just hard right now, and going to take some time....