If you don't feel comfortable with the idea, that's fine and your husband should respect that. Talking to him about why he wants it might not be such a bad idea. Generally, i think it gives men a more intense experience, because it's tighter than a vagina. So as a compromise you could start working the muscles of your vagina, e.g. with Kegel's exercises or similar, then work it on him and choose a pose which makes it tighter. I'm sure he'll appreciate your effort
I think you should come back and answer the posts....
Also ask why all of a sudden he has posed the question?
Is he watching Porn?
Is he feeling he wants excitement ?
What is he missing?
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Arcan, Have you talked to him about this? I'm not into the S/D really, although in every relationship it exists, but often trading off as situations arise. Is he actually trained as a dom? Can you pin down why you quit enjoying anal? From what I know of this (I'm an unceasing reader and question asker) wearing an anal plug all day isn't going to achieve the purpose of making entry easier or you more relaxed and into it. For most people entry is the issue. Studies have found that even people who are avid fisters muscles tighten back up afterward. So actual permanent stretching out is rare and a good thing - they would have no bowel control. If the idea behind you wearing a plug all day is that it will make penetration easier I doubt it will do it.
The trick seems to be learn to relax those muscles to make the initial penetration comfortable. From what I've read and experienced a high level of arousal can make it a non issue for many people. Interestingly only about 25% of gay males have anal and they seem to be really into lots of lube and taking it pretty carefully. Hetros seem to be the ones who get more into it and are more likely to treat it more like vaginal sex, less lube, rougher. Everyone is different. You might want to do some research, get online, there's a lot of material on this.
With your type of relationship if this is something that is going to happen,and you are committed to his being in control of this, you are going to have to find away to make it easier on yourself or to come to enjoy it. Education whould help. The alternative is to move it to your don't go there list. At least talk it out. As I understand this lifestyle, it's about you getting off on being submissive not being miserable.
My Expereince
I tried it with my boyfriend. It hurt like . I dont think we had enough lube and he was really excited to do it. Hes much more, ehem, experienced sexually in every sence of the word than myself. I felt as mentioned above, a certain responsibilty as men are very sexual and I want to please him in every way. Ive gotten a bit "gun shy" with it due to the last time we tired we just werent in sync and i was not relaxed. I have to be VERY horny to expereince it. I cant wait to get to the point were im totaly comfortable with it!!! Any one have any tips to ease that "ripping" feeling when he gets half way in?
Kristen
Yes, a couple of thoughts. First whatever amount of lube you think is enough? Use 8x more then add some extra. The second word of advise is the most important. He can't be the one doing the moving. You need to get him on his back and tell him to not move an inch. YOU must control the penetration. Being relaxed before you do this is helpful. If he performs oral sex on you for a while before all this it helps (me anyway) to ease into it.
Bear down like your going to "poop" then take a deep breath and try to relax. Once he is all the way in you will be ok unless he has forced himself in. Control the thrusts and try to combine this with some form of stimulation for yourself. A vibe is a good idea but SOME form of stimulation.
I still say any man who wants his SO to have Anal sex should be willing to have it done to him first. It clearly made my DH understand who has to control penetration! So rent Bend Over Boyfriend and see how the idea hits him. Whats good for the Gander is just as good for the Goose! ;-)
Thanks! The feeling is mutual if that Avatar of the Cat is really you! ;-)Originally Posted by Mrs Muse
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 11-07-2008 at 02:27 AM. Reason: merge posts
"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." ~ Janis Joplin
I understand we like those things but why should we have to do things that make us feel dirty, and physically hurt? I tried to appease my husband once it hurt and I felt just dirty and grosse for days after ward. Now that's all he wants eventhoe I've told him how it makes me feel. Stick to your guns ladies and just say no!! Because once you've done it once they keep saying come on you did it before.
My situation is more complicated. My husband worships and I mean it. He can't even get hard with the regular sex sometimes, but seeing get his rock hard immediately. He's very experienced with anal sex since he had tried it out with his previous g/f(s) before. It didn't hurt me per say although I was freaked out initially by the idea of doing it. I felt on icy ground in Feb of this year and hurt my tailbone. I then got married in Sept. (last month). Anal sex doesn't hurt me when we do it since he has been very patient with me (he tried his 1 finger 1st, then 2, before his thing with lots of lubrication) but I seem to have back pain after every time we do it. It bothers me a lot. He's so obsessed with this freaking anal sex & doesn't want anything else. I don't know if it's bad for my tailbone &/or lower back or not, or if anal sex would leave any long term complications ...
I can tell you about my experience. For most of my life I would never let an ex perform anal sex on me, no matter how much they asked, and my response was always "As long as you let me stick something in yours first", and of course they never would. My last ex bf also wanted it, and I decided I would let him do it. Well, he was insensitive and rough with it to say the least, but to make him happy, I kept letting him even if I had to bear down and wish it would be over soon a lot of the time. He never got more caring about it, wouldn't try to use lube half the time, I would bleed, it would hurt, but he just kept on like nothing. At the most it became somewhat tolerable for me, but never very pleasant.
Well, at one point he did decide he wanted his backdoor played with, and eventually that lead to using a dildo on his backdoor. Well, I couldn't help myself, and although he asked for me to be gentle and careful, and complained about it hurting, I gave it to him just like he did me. Afterwards, I was upset and pointed out that he wanted me to be more considerate than he ever was to me, and he agreed and saw how he had been. Sometimes it is beneficial for your partner to go through something with you so that they know what you're feeling. And if he is so closed minded he would not try it, he shouldn't even be asking you too.
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” - William Arthur Ward
Old thread.
Closed.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
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