Thread: You can not change god's will

I actually noticed this can be put into several threads.
A few examples would be: “WHY DID YOU COME HERE?”, “TELL US WHAT YOU ARE STRESSED ABOUT???”, “LIFE, WHO’S YOUR FRIEND AND ISN’T” and if I remember correctly, there was even a “VENTING” thread. But I will make a new topic for easy reference for all.

Have you ever wonder who you are and who are the people who surround you? Seriously think this through before having a answer. It is said that to have positive, you should think and feel positive. Does this actually hold true for us all?

I have had a life changing experience not that long ago. And while I was in this “zone”, things wondered through my head. Such things were not to easy to understand at first. Then it hit me, the real answer wasn’t a good one at all. It was actually sad to be honest. And the funny thing is, it just is this way. It can not be changed for no matter how hard you try. This is god’s will. And it shall be this way. It was, it is, and it will continue this way as long as the sun rises and sets each 24 hours of a day.

As far as I can remember, I have always had associates. I call these people in my life associates more so than friends because a friend will always be there for you. I was brought up with morals and values. To be honest no matter how bad the outcome would be all because it is the right thing to do. To be the man who if made a mistake step up and own to it. To be responsible and show he can stand on his own without having to lean on others all the time. One to be committed in a relationship, work and to friends. One that people can say nothing bad about or can not point their finger at, All in all, a very good person.

Now I call these people in my life associates because I see for some reason they don’t want a friendship. I have been there for them when they needed anything. No matter if it was a shoulder when they felt down, an extra hand to life something, move from one place to another, or someone to talk to when down on there luck. Who was there for them? Answer is I was. Not just once in awhile but many times. And now that I just went through an experience that has made me see life differently There was no one there for me in my time of need.

While growing up, I was picked on. The usual name calling, a few poking fun at me because the way I look or weight. The typical children thing that happens. So I shelter myself in the house time to time to avoid things of that happening often. I still had some friends but as we all got older the good people moved away and all the jerks stayed.
Thinking it was just a phase of school and younger years I toughed it out. I had gotten a decent job, made some money and had a few girlfriends. Most of them cheated on me at one point or another. Never knowing the reason why I can not find a faithful girlfriend! So with all this kind of stuff I decided to be very picky of who I date.
I am told I am decent looking, But then again who is going to tell someone they are ugly as and look worse than the pond-scum. So yes I do have little to no self esteem. My job gives me great benefits but does not pay to well. I make less than 50 grand a year. I have tried to go back to school and get a better education but to be honest I am not the best student. I am smart just not book smart. And when I tried to better my job, career, it just doesn’t happen. There is always something that happens to keep my from doing so. It isn’t my doing as when I tried years back, the jobs were flooded and no one was willing to hire, not one person would give the chance on me. So back to the blue collar manual labor.

Everyone treats me like I am retarded. I have been told I am wrong even with proof I am correct. They just do not want to listen at all. My coworkers don’t care one bit if I breathe or not. They do not respect me one bit. They will ask me a question and demand answers they want to hear instead of what is. An example would be they ask me something of a project. I tell them what can be or whats available and if the answer is not to their liking, its my fault. It almost seems like if anyone had plans for the weekend and they got ruined it becomes my fault.

In the best way I can describe this mess is, no matter what I do to better myself it just won’t happen.
No matter what I do change things, it just wont change. No matter what I do to prevent things, they just happen anyway.
You can not take something and make it into something else. You can take your car that is beat up and wash it, put new rims on it, pull a few dents, make certain repairs, but the fact is it’s the same car you own before.
Sometimes I feel like a black cloud hangs over my head all the time. If I take a trip to the other side of the country, that cloud seems to follow.

All I want out of this life is to have a family of my own. A family that loves me and I can love back. A wife that will be faithful and be there for me, to tell and comfort me time to time. But in reality I know that I am going to be alone. I know that I will not have children. And it isn't because of a medical reason it is because no one wants to be with me. I live alone now and with my recent experience I had that was life threatening made me understand that god has humor and it isn’t funny to all of us.
One can try to change things in their life, but god has other plans, nothing can change it. No matter how hard one tries.