Healthy vs Unhealthy

**ThexMrs** · 07-06-2009 05:02 PM

We all come here and talk to each other, lean on each other for support, vent and if you're like me, sometimes cry. The one thing that I never do is get angry. It doesn't seem to be an emotion that I have. I don't feel that not getting angry is necessarily unhealthy but I don't think it's healthy either. I'd like to know...

What makes you angry?
and...
How do you control or let it out?

**Isabellacat** · 07-08-2009 10:42 PM

I don't like anger and I find myself being more depressed than angry. I rarely get angry about things....I guess if someone were to constantly push my buttons that would make me upset. Verbal abuse makes me upset actually. I like to let it out by writing and talking about it in a calm way,but if someone really pushed my buttons I'd most likely tell them off lol. I don't like resorting to that tho. Some people are just out of control,but I've managed to talk people down without having to yell about it.

I don't like that feeling of getting all hyper and angry about something,that's unhealthy. I don't like arguing and I hate yelling. I feel things can be solved without yelling and getting angry...It's good to talk about it and not yell and it is healthy to cry it out.

**WildChild** · 07-08-2009 10:58 PM

I can get well and truly POd sometimes but it's usually like a match flame, flares up and dies downs quickly. I try to find the positive in things but it doesn't always work.

Last time I really lost my temper was early May, I'd been sick in bed with influenza for several days, had a order delivered from HD Supply. They didn't call ahead, piled all this stuff up on the front sidewalk (doors, medicine chests, screen fabric, a big roll of spline - some big stuff). I was standing out there, unsteady on my feet, told the guy I'd been sick and asked could he bring in? He was rather rude and said no. I told him to get the f out of there and called there customer service and pretty well ripped them a new one. That's the sort of thing that just aggravates me.

I did manage to get all that into my livingroom (where it was in the way for days) and literally collapsed into bed and slept for hours.

I find primal screaming very good for releasing that level of tension. Also intense exersize. I don't get angry often. If I'm really, really, angry, I get very quiet, very focused and things will get taken care of.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-09-2009 02:11 AM

I think there's a positive and a negative to "not" getting angry.

The positive is that you keep some form of control.

The negative, it remains inside and builds.

You can be clouded over what "upset" you and create a "domino" effect, whereby, others are affected.

I swear and then once done, I crack up laughing and then I make it my mission to decide it what I got upset about (if a person), was negative on their behalf on non-repenting and therefore, ignore, or, I decide if it was accidental and repented and give another go.

If it is a "situation", then I'll still swear, then laugh and then ensure that I ensure that I learn from the error, cause if it made me angry, then there was a reason and likely I caused some of it, by not observing, or by adding to it.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-09-2009 10:43 AM

Its pretty rare that something makes me genuinly angry... I'd use the word "upset" to better describe it. Anger sounds much more harsh that I ever manage to let myself feel. When I am upset, its usually because I am hurting.

Sometimes when I am hurting I will lash out and say whats bothering me in louder tone than my normal voice. I use sarcasm and say things that I would normally not even think. When I am upset its like the lid to my innervoice filter is off and I start spewing out every little thing thats bothered me since my last encounter with being upset.

It always ends in me crying, and then resolving my feelings. I don't think that is unhealthy. Keeping it all bottled is unhealthy, and nothing can stay under the surface forever on anyone -- it seeps out in different ways.

Some people scream and break things in anger, some can get cruel and hostile but most anger is derrived from pain, especially in relationships. So sadness, crying is just as much of a release to that anger feeling as stomping feet and throwing a hissy fit.

Its healthy, I think, to express discontent as long as the other persons feelings are taken back into consideration at some point. Even though sometimes when you are upset you forget anything but for the way you feel. Dealing with what would make some angry and instead being sad is normal. Being elated or happy about something that should make you angry is probably unhealthy.

A long time ago a friend reccommended the book 'the art of happiness' by the dahlai lama to me and I actually read it and learned a lot about emotional balance.

**WildChild** · 07-09-2009 10:53 PM

I think you are right that a lot of anger comes out of pain. I think it also comes from fear and frustration. I rarely get angry at a person, but more likely with a situation. I don't think I've ever told someone that I hate them. I may say I hate or deplore something they've done. Generally I try to take some time to myself when I'm really upset and I may rant and rave - to no one at all. This lets me blow off steam without saying something I may regret. It also helps to get my thoughts sorted out as to what is really the core issue and what I want or need to do about it. I may run through possible conversations anticipating what may be said and how I will respond.

You know, more often than not, it will go pretty much as I anticipated and I'm able to stay more in control and focus on what is needed, rather than getting into blame and recriminations. Of course, the other person may not cooperate and may get ugly but then I do a better job of staying clear. I also find that writing can help.

Anger really isn't very rational, it's more of a panic response. It's too easy to do and say things that could do more harm than good. I don't understand people who just lash out to hurt someone. I think most of the time the supposed cause of the anger isn't at all what is really bothering someone.

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