July 29th - Suicide Remembrance
July 29th, 1999 was the day that changed my life.
I was 11 years old, a couple of months shy of my 12th birthday. I remember waking up to a loud knocking on the front door in the middle of the night. I saw my mom walking down the stairs. I crept down them quietly after her so I wouldn't get caught. What I heard changed my life.
My father committed suicide.
I will never be the same. I have never been the same. My family still tells me that I am the only one who has never dealt with his death. I think they are right.
Today is a day of pain but a day of remembrance.
I miss my father so much.
I have to be strong though. I could easily lose it today. I'm afraid I might. I hope I don't.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
Hello beautiful...
We will be thinking of you today.. and are here as you know...
That is not the way an 11 year old should find out about a death and I am so sorry that you did find out that way...
Your a young woman now, and I know your strong... cry all you like it's okay...
Me.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Thank you Chandler.
So far it's not going THAT bad but I tried to sleep a lot today. We'll see how the rest of it goes. I'm not at home which is probably a good thing. I'd rather not misbehave at someone elses house.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
lol,, well yes your a guest you must act accordingly......
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
It's 8:00 in the evening and I've managed to pull through this alright. I slept as much as I could and the rest of the time Marty and I talked. Yesterday was actually worse for me than today.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
I am glad you pulled threw. It is hard to find out someone has commited suicide. I was the closest to my grand mother when I was younger and she was liek a mother to me. She commited suicide in 1999 too. I was 13 yrs old and still remember the day i found out. It is the hardest thing you have to pass. You are angry at them, you hate them for taking their lives you wonder if you had done this or that if they would still be here with you. But then I did realise they are. Every once in a while I can feel her warm hand on m shoulder. She used to put her hand on my right shoulder and I can feel her still do that once in a while. I can be driving or watching tv. I could be thinking of her and she will do that. I miss her too. Think of something your father might have done to you and think back to see if he ever did it again or if you feel hi spresence arroudn you once in a while.
Thinking of you today! Good luck!
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