To the Guys only - if you don't mind :)

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-27-2009, 06:46 AM

Okay so it appears, "appears" that guys don't understand a woman's comment or reasoning of the words "I don't like". I really can't go into it further, just giving an example, for the purpose of this thread.

How do you perceive " a good relationship"..

What qualities do you look for but also what qualities do you give back to the relationship, with sex being one component not the all and be all

naturally.

How do you handle conflict or what understanding do you think you have over how a woman "clicks/thinks/important things to her/ etc...

CW

**OhThereYouAre** · 09-27-2009, 10:27 AM

The first thing I'd say that defines a good relatinship would be mutual respect...if you don't truly respect your partner, it will make it really hard to love them through all of life's challenges. This entails a lot and to me is probably the most important aspect.

2nd - The ability to compromise.

3rd - Similar beliefs regarding the big picture. I.E. political, ethical, moral ideas. Also regarding your wants and desires in life....kids, careers, aspirations and the such.

4th - Similar sexual preferences.

5th - The understanding that you two don't need eachother...understanding you WANT each other. If one thinks they need the other, it will make inequalities surface in the relationship which will break it apart eventually.

**rcoreyus** · 09-27-2009, 12:33 PM

I think a good relationship is built on "desire", not "need". You should feel that the other person is with you becase they want to be with you, not because they can't manage without you. It is bad to feel you are held hostage.

Sex: Each should enjoy making the other happy. Interests should be compatible, even if they aren't identical.

There should never be a need to "check-up" or spy on your partner - it should be obvious that they want you more than anyone else. If you need to spy on them, you should ask yourself what right you have to force them to stay with you if they don't want to.

**OhThereYouAre** · 09-30-2009, 08:20 AM

Wow - this is a pathetic turnout. What do you think about your own questoin, Miz Wish?

**happy ending** · 09-30-2009, 08:58 PM

yes come on guys i for one, would like a glimpse into the tortured male brain! why for example do guys blow hot and cold? is it as i suspect to confuse the heck out of their womenfolk?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-30-2009, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Wow - this is a pathetic turnout. What do you think about your own questoin, Miz Wish?

You have such a way with words lol...

Actually, I wrote this seeing as we seem to be getting a few guys on this site, for the "women" of this site having read so many "he just doesn't get me", or "I say I don't like it but he flobs it off" or...etc.etc. It wasn't about me.

Interesting that respect, desire not need come up because they are two things we really want.

But, I left it cause geez two replies?

See and now the plan is working because Happy has more questions for you lot haha.

CW

**Tex** · 09-30-2009, 09:30 PM

Not much that I can add. OTYA is right on when he says a good relationship is based on mutual respect. It is the foundation, because without mutual respect the relationship is not going to go anywhere. Like he and rcoreyus said, a good relationship also has a desire to be together and not a need. Some people get into relationship because they are afraid of being alone or because they think its the best they can ever do. That's not going to last either, at least not in a happy way.

Happy, I reckon guys that blow hot and cold are either too afraid to commit to something or they don't even know what they want in the first place.

**happy ending** · 09-30-2009, 09:48 PM

thanks for the answer tex, my boy tells me one hand he is a lone wolf, who's freedom is the most important thing, but spends all his time with us (my daughter and i) acting like a family man, then he disapears into his cave for a few days. he always treats us nicely, but i get confused. is his a bad lone wolf, or a family man???? and why does a very tough man, get frightened by a few feelings. he tells me i am his perfect woman, but then panics at us getting a house together - HELP ME!!

**Tex** · 09-30-2009, 09:56 PM

Sounds like he is happy around you and your daughter and he wants to be a family man. But something is holding him back and making him reluctant to leave behind his Lone Wolf days. It's not you, though. Most likely he was hurt by someone or something in the past and now he uses the Lone Wolf persona to keep himself from being hurt again. Not saying that he even worries that you specifically might hurt him, just that in general he probably thinks if he does not get too close to anyone then the possibility for emotional trauma is minimized.

**ebon_valentine** · 09-30-2009, 10:29 PM

happy-even though i'm a chick, i can agree with what tex is saying. i have that problem. i've tried dating people since my exfiance and i broke up but whenever someone would start getting close i would freeze up and run away.

perchance it's a time issue? i don't know how long you've been together...

09-27-2009, 06:46 AM	#1
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,961 Blog Entries: 7	To the Guys only - if you don't mind :) Okay so it appears, "appears" that guys don't understand a woman's comment or reasoning of the words "I don't like". I really can't go into it further, just giving an example, for the purpose of this thread. How do you perceive " a good relationship".. What qualities do you look for but also what qualities do you give back to the relationship, with sex being one component not the all and be all naturally. How do you handle conflict or what understanding do you think you have over how a woman "clicks/thinks/important things to her/ etc... CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-27-2009, 10:27 AM	#2
OhThereYouAre Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 1,302	The first thing I'd say that defines a good relatinship would be mutual respect...if you don't truly respect your partner, it will make it really hard to love them through all of life's challenges. This entails a lot and to me is probably the most important aspect. 2nd - The ability to compromise. 3rd - Similar beliefs regarding the big picture. I.E. political, ethical, moral ideas. Also regarding your wants and desires in life....kids, careers, aspirations and the such. 4th - Similar sexual preferences. 5th - The understanding that you two don't need eachother...understanding you WANT each other. If one thinks they need the other, it will make inequalities surface in the relationship which will break it apart eventually. __________________ 'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..." "It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..." "People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..." "I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..." "Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

09-30-2009, 08:20 AM	#4
OhThereYouAre Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Cincinnati Posts: 1,302	Wow - this is a pathetic turnout. What do you think about your own questoin, Miz Wish? __________________ 'If you think you can or you can't, you're probably right..." "It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit..." "People who lack the sense to question Big Lies always end up in deep trouble..." "I don't worry about pointing fingers in the past...i operate under the assumption that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future..." "Build the life you want and then find someone to share it with, someone who fits where you are and where you are going..."

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09-27-2009, 12:33 PM	#3
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	I think a good relationship is built on "desire", not "need". You should feel that the other person is with you becase they want to be with you, not because they can't manage without you. It is bad to feel you are held hostage. Sex: Each should enjoy making the other happy. Interests should be compatible, even if they aren't identical. There should never be a need to "check-up" or spy on your partner - it should be obvious that they want you more than anyone else. If you need to spy on them, you should ask yourself what right you have to force them to stay with you if they don't want to.

09-30-2009, 08:58 PM	#5
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	yes come on guys i for one, would like a glimpse into the tortured male brain! why for example do guys blow hot and cold? is it as i suspect to confuse the heck out of their womenfolk?

09-30-2009, 09:30 PM	#7
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,134	Not much that I can add. OTYA is right on when he says a good relationship is based on mutual respect. It is the foundation, because without mutual respect the relationship is not going to go anywhere. Like he and rcoreyus said, a good relationship also has a desire to be together and not a need. Some people get into relationship because they are afraid of being alone or because they think its the best they can ever do. That's not going to last either, at least not in a happy way. Happy, I reckon guys that blow hot and cold are either too afraid to commit to something or they don't even know what they want in the first place.

09-30-2009, 09:48 PM	#8
happy ending Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 655	thanks for the answer tex, my boy tells me one hand he is a lone wolf, who's freedom is the most important thing, but spends all his time with us (my daughter and i) acting like a family man, then he disapears into his cave for a few days. he always treats us nicely, but i get confused. is his a bad lone wolf, or a family man???? and why does a very tough man, get frightened by a few feelings. he tells me i am his perfect woman, but then panics at us getting a house together - HELP ME!!

09-30-2009, 09:56 PM	#9
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,134	Sounds like he is happy around you and your daughter and he wants to be a family man. But something is holding him back and making him reluctant to leave behind his Lone Wolf days. It's not you, though. Most likely he was hurt by someone or something in the past and now he uses the Lone Wolf persona to keep himself from being hurt again. Not saying that he even worries that you specifically might hurt him, just that in general he probably thinks if he does not get too close to anyone then the possibility for emotional trauma is minimized.

09-30-2009, 10:29 PM	#10
ebon_valentine VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 52	happy-even though i'm a chick, i can agree with what tex is saying. i have that problem. i've tried dating people since my exfiance and i broke up but whenever someone would start getting close i would freeze up and run away. perchance it's a time issue? i don't know how long you've been together...