boyfriend doesn't turn me on

**LanaBear** · 10-16-2009 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by Amber

I guess that is a question. People don't do it during their period do they? I'm cramping right now, so I'm definitely not doing it today but I was wondering about that.

Having an orgasm actually relieves cramping. Nothing a shower won't clean up. Or - do it in the shower or bath. Just a thought.

**Amber** · 10-16-2009 06:15 PM

I saw my therapist for the first time today. She is starting by working on my mind, which is my biggest problem!!! If I'm not concentration on something in particular, my mind always wanders. Which is my enemy when it comes to sex. So I need to find ways to learn how to relax my mind. She wants me to take yoga classes, which my gym already has but I have never tried before. Then she mentioned music which might work for me, relaxing with relaxing scented candles and stuff like that. Relaxing my mind is going to be a hard thing for me to defeat. It is not like I have ADD, but it is like my mind never shuts down unless I'm asleep.

I asked her if I should try some of my toys out but she said she would rather wait on that. So I guess I have to put my toys aside for now but I still have my books.

And if I really want I suppose I could watch my DVDs when they finally come. It couldn't hurt. I see her again in another two weeks.

I just got my copy of the Kissing School in the mail today. I having only read throught the introduction so far. Just the energy talk, I wander if I can really get myself to focus on the energy part. We shall see. It may get a little depressing since my boyfriend is not around, but I still want to read it.

**WildChild** · 10-16-2009 08:00 PM

Did she suggest meditation? Talk with the yoga instructor about proper breathing technique and relaxation sequences. You got The Orgasm Loop didn't you? Her use of an image that you focus on or visualize is away of focusing your mind on something that will have a sensual or sexual association for you. Personally I can't stand scented candles but enjoy flowers - whatever works for you.

Candle meditation can be a good place to start. Light a candle I like a pillar type), set it where the flame is easy to focus on, put on some classical music or Native American flute - something that won't draw you in but will help keep you from getting distracted by other sounds, dim the lights and just gaze at the flame. Let your self go into it. See the color and movement and just BE with the flame. Like staring into a campfire, it's easy to just lose yourself in the flame.

**Jenls** · 10-17-2009 01:21 AM

You need to get a trashy book, personally I like Emma Holly. Cooking Up A Storm is a favorite of mine and when you start to feel the tingling or the need go ahead and touch yourself. Maybe drink a little wine and take a good bath before hand.

**Amber** · 10-17-2009 11:31 AM

WC, she said either to take a meditation class or a yoga class. I can't find a meditation class anywhere near where I live but I did find yoga so that is what I will do. I was hoping they would just get into some kind of breathing techniques in it but if they don't, I will ask the instructor.

I'm going out to a bar with karaoke music tonight with some friends. I just realized it is two door up from my boyfriends and mine "street corner".

The street corner where he first kissed me. It was just that one time but it was the first kiss so it hurts. I'm going out tonight if it kills me!

But a pickmeup just came in the mail. Mr Man of the Year playgirl dvd and another dvd on the same idea. You don't have to ask what I'm watching this afternoon!!!

**Texinator** · 10-17-2009 12:24 PM

Go fog up your windows!

**Amber** · 10-19-2009 08:17 AM

Tex, I wish. lol No fog. I watched about a half of an hour of it. I couldn't get completely in to it. Don't worry, guys is what turns me on.

My mind were on other things, I guess.

But what was a little disappointing about this dvd is it was kind of old. It had to have been made in the 80's because the men had that long hair look. And the women had that poof look. lol Anyone know any good porn videos or where to get good porn. I bought this one off of CD universe. I still have anyone to check out but I have a feeling it may be just as old. I kind of think I would want just a man alone, touching himself. I'm not sure if I would like watching a couple do it.

So far I'm not having too much luck with the relaxing of my mind. I guess it was all those years of thinking to myself and now I can't stop it. As I said before if I focus on something like a book, a movie, or someone talking, it does stop but that won't help. That is not exactly relaxing enough. I'm thinking of maybe watching the porn without the commentary to it because I'm not suppose to be listening to the talking. And just focus on the guys. My luck my mind will keep going, commenting to myself on the guy. Well, it can't hurt to try.

I thought rain sounds would distract me enough like it does when rain is really falling outside. After forever looking for ones that sound pretty real on the internet and also looking for crashing waves, I tried them out. My mind wouldn't relax and stop thinking!!!! It also doesn't help that I find myself thinking even more of my boyfriend lately. I use to always miss him when I didn't see him, but now it is ten times worse because I have no idea when or if I'll see him again.

I actually want to slap myself for keep thinking of him. I starting to hate myself for it because I know it is just making me miserable. But even if I slapped myself raw, something tells me it is not going to work.

Today, I'm going to try a yoga class at my gym. I just don't know if it is beginner or not but I guess I will soon find out. I probably can pick up the moves without too much trouble. I'm just afraid the instructor won't have time to show me about the breathing and if there is anything to do with concentrating with the mind. My boyfriend use to take it but I can't ask him about it. I'm not suppose to be contacting him. He will contact me. That is the stupid deal.

**WildChild** · 10-19-2009 08:33 AM

Don't beat yourself up so much. Sounds like you are on overload. Porn may not do it for you, I watch it occasionally but my own imagination does far more for me. Their plot and story lines are virtually nonexistant. There is a growing group of material directed more at women, that has more build up to sex, maybe check out Babeland? It is woman owned and I think they have section of that.

Clearing your mind takes time to learn. We live bombarded with images and noise designed to keep us from clearing our minds and really thinking. One technique that might help is when an unwanted thought pops into your head just say, "thank you for sharing" and let go of it. Don't fuss or worry about it, just give it a nod and pass it by. Or even tell yourself, "we aren't doing/thinking about that right now".

A good book (I think) on meditation is, The Best Guide to Meditation by Victor Davich. He gives many different types and ways to meditate.

**OhThereYouAre** · 10-19-2009 09:31 AM

Just curious - what was your overall thoughts on the therapist you saw and the experience in general?

Re: porn....i've come to find out that women tend to enjoy different types of erotic material than men. If you want some good porn that isn't going to make you feel funny purchasing it at the store - go get the movie Unfaithful with Diane Lane and Richard Gere. I promise you, if some of those scenes don't get your going, i'm not sure what will. As an added bonus, the plot is well developed and its a great movie overall.

**Amber** · 10-19-2009 05:49 PM

Well, that was my first and my last yoga class for as long as I can see. I have had problems with my knees in the past and I guess there is some things I can't do. Like kneel down on the bad knee and put all my weight on it or other things. Half of the class was way too much strain on my knee. Instead of relaxing you, it was freaking me out, afraid me knee wouldn't last. That figures with me. lol So I give up on that. I'll try meditation on my own.

WC, I saw your post and got the book. I'll start reading that when I get a chance. I remember checking out Babeland for the vibrators but ending up buying at amazon instead. But I'll check them out for the porn also. Thanks!

OhThereYouAre, I think it is too soon for me to figure out what I really think of her. For one, she was getting a background of me and then we came across the major problem I have, my runaway mind. That wasn't too hard to figure out. She gave me some ideas to overcome that. But I think until I start getting over this, I'm not sure of much she can do for me. So when we really get into the sex part, I'll let you know. I know she said that she was going to show me a lot of relaxing exercises and stuff like that. Who knows, I guess I will find out soon enough.

The therapist did say that when you are having sex, you should be so relax, almost like you are floating out of yourself. Wow, does anyone here ever feel that comfortable? I can't even imagine that!!

As for Unfaithful, I tried to find that in the store when I found the book but it is too old to find. I'll see if I can just find it on cable. i do remember watching some of that movie once but don't remember the sex scenes. Most likely because I would have not paid much attention to it in those days. Not like I have been trying to do since I opened my eyes recently!!

My aunt and uncle invited me to their house for this coming weekend. They live a couple of states away. I will be away from email and computers because I'm not about to bother my aunt with hers. I think that not having a computer actually may be a little relaxing, once I get over that feeling of not having access to email.

But I will have my ipod and books, if I have free time. I need to get away and my uncle is so funny to be around. I can use a few laughs.

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