Just pulled it up on BN to read about it. Looks interesting. It even has homework assignments.Originally Posted by WildChild
Give us your review when you read it.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
I went online to amazon tonight and decided to invest in a few sex toys. I never had any before and I figured trying something like that couldn't hurt also.
WC, who was the author of that kiss school book? I think i just picked up the same book. Got the idea obviously from your previous post.
Cherie Byrd wrote the one I found. I was on Amazon looking for the ecstatic book and came across it.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Amber, sounds as though too many things are floating through your noggin and are causing a mental block.
On one hand, you wanted your first time to be special and you even refrained from touching yourself but on the other you felt embarrassed and wanted to get rid of your virginity.
On one hand, you want to gain experience and have more fulfilling sexual encounters but on the other you are afraid of doing something silly and stupid, and your family's attitude towards sex probably doesn't help either.
Your brain is your most powerful erogenous zone. It can make sex absolutely incredible when things are going right, but it can also shut down your drive and ruin your experiences when fears and emotions get in the way.
Don't put sex on a pedestal. It can be wonderful, but if you're expecting too much, especially from your first time, you'll likely be disappointed. The first time is awkward and confusing for lots of people. Even experienced couples might do something in the head of the moment that later makes them feel stupid or silly.
That's why you have to practice, practice, practice, both to see what you like and what your partner likes. You can't just stop because you're worried about making mistakes. That'd be like trying to learn how to drive but refusing to get behind the wheel because you don't want to goof up. Well, who hasn't taken out a mailbox or two or at least come close to it when first starting out?
Forget all the negative things anybody has told you about sex. Yes, nice girls do indeed do 'that.' Everybody is a sexual being. Why is it that when guys get in touch with that sexual side they're just being guys, but when women get in touch with their sexuality they're being dirty and slutty? To with anybody that supports that double standard.
All those worries are why you tense up when somebody goes to your 'forbidden place' and why you don't feel much during kissing. Your brain doesn't allow you to feel special because you think it's dirty, you're too inexperienced, you'll mess up, you just want to get it over with, etcetera.
So experiment, with yourself and with your partner, but don't expect too much too soon, otherwise your mind is just going to get in the way again. Enjoy the exploration and the sensations without trying to achieve any specific goal. You'll feel happiest and experience the most joy once you just let yourself go.
Good advice Tex. Over coming all that negative programming can take some conscious effort. By reading some fun books, trying out some toys and such, she can help herself truly come to that place where she can feel what it is meant to be. But being so disconnected as to not feel any arousal with kissing or foreplay means she's got some work to do. Sounds like she's ready to um, roll up her sleeves and get after it! I'm betting our girl will cum to find her orgasmic capabilites.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Tex, you are not kidding that my mind is my problem right now. A lot of it is just being nervous or scared. My mind also wonders during sex which I'm finding out from that Orgasm Loop book that that is not a good thing. My boyfriend spent a lot of time kissing on the lips and then playing with me down below, all I would do is just tense up.
Well after looking at that kissing book, I'm thinking maybe even if I'm not feeling anything right now, it can still make it quite interesting.
I know everyone tells me to forget about him and just worry about yourself but it is hard to do when you love the guy and everything use to happen with him. But he obviously doesn't want to see me any time too soon and I have no choice to go by that, no matter how much that hurts. His feeling for me are obviously not as strong as he originally thought,
So it doesn't look like I will be experimenting with my boyfriend anytime soon so I'm on my own. I called the therapist about a half of an hour and got an answer machine. Same as yesterday so this time I left a message to call me back. And my vibrators are in the mail. One that is supersonic and that is suppose to give results in seconds. It sounds like it might blow your head off in the process. lol I wasn't so sure if that would just freak me out so I bought another one also that is suppose to be a little tamer but is suppose to still give good results, just not as powerful. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like, especially the supersonic one. I'm laughing when the book told me there are even vibrators that you can hook up to your Ipod. lol What will they think of next. I should just look through those sex toys website. I can only imagine what is out there. It is like a whole new world!
Usually vibes have adjustable levels, they're aren't just on or off. Use them to learn to orgasm, to find out what it feels like but don't over do. Using a vibrator frequently can cause you to lose sensitivity to other stimulation. Bringing out the big guns so to speak won't get you there if your mind isn't open to arousal. Once you are open, you can get to a place where the slightest touch can arouse you.
Think of yourself as like a flower opening to bloom. It opens slowly but still it can seem that you look at it and it is closed up tight and you glance a way for a little while and when you see it again it is in full bloom. You can't pry the petals apart and force it, you have to create the right conditions and then it will happen naturally. Have fun, explore, you'll get there.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Thanks WC, that is good to know. I probably would have gotten discouraged even trying that had I not known it is just not going to work if your mind is not in it.
The more powerful one has just two levels but I think the other one has more.
Amber, he needs to be patient with you and you need to be patient with him. He might not be thrilled by the news. It could even stir up some insecurities in him and make him wonder how much he is at fault for your situation. But if he truly cares about you then this shouldn't be enough of a reason for him to leave you. Give him some time.
You sound like you're really interested in making a change and are excited about experiencing and learning new things. Try to convey that excitement to him. Let him know that you want to make progress and that you want him to be a part of that. Show him your books and your toys.
Another thing you might want to discuss is how he shows affection. If he expects his physical advances to always have you two end up in the bedroom, then maybe he needs to learn to hold, hug, and kiss you even when sex is not on the agenda.
Tex, I tried just that yesterday. It's funny because the week before he went on vacation, he showed me his Amazon box full of goodies. So yesterday, after I ordered the vibrators, I emailed him, joking how I love Amazon also. I told him I bought some toys also. Another thing we have is all the "first times" I experienced in just this past year and told him how it was my first time yesterday going into a book store and checking out the sex department and the first time buying sex toys.
I also told him some of what I have learned from that book so far, like how my wandering mind is getting me into trouble. Then I mentioned how I was hoping when he has a chance he can read the information I sent him about the therapist I will be making an appointment with.
He never emailed me back and still hasn't just yet. This is around the time he emails, if he doesn't email in the morning. Still nothing so far. This guy never misses a day of emailing me but yesterday he officially did. He has a Iphone so he can email anywhere.
As for the snuggling, this same guy told me that if I wasn't ready to enter the bedroom with him when we finally get to his apartment, he was quite happy just to snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie with me. He was looking forward to nights just like those. That never happened because the first night we did enter the bedroom. I don't know if that was all just talk but something tells me that because he has gotten a taste of having the sex, he doesn't want to go backwards. I pray I'm wrong on that.
The only thing that keeps me going is what he said when I talked to him on the phone Saturday night and I told him his silence meant he broken up with me. He said he would have at least sent an email telling me that. Later on I was thinking he was crazy if he thought I would let him get away with just an email breaking up with me but didn't tell him that. So I didn't get any email like that saying he is breaking up with me. But also I'm not getting any email at all which is not like him either. I don't have any choice but to be patient but it is not easy at all. He use to say he could easily be patient with me in the bedroom department. I'm not sure he meant that either.
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