Thread: boyfriend doesn't turn me on

I'm just thinking over here. Saturday night, when I decided to watch Titanic and play with the vibrator, that last thing that I had planned to do was think of my ex. I figured I would watch the movie, let myself get in a romantic mood and see what happens with that vibrator.

I first see the part where he is painting her nude. And I think how it sort of romantic. When I first see him on the bow, I don't analize it at all. And then when they are in the carriage, not much is shown at all.

So I didn't think too much of it but I decided to watch the part that he leads her to the bow of the ship again. i have been playing with the vibrator for a while now. I have forgotten it is even there and I focus on the movie. I watch him hold her in her arms. All of a sudden I remember how wonderful that feels. How my ex use to hold me in his arms. And then I instantly started to crave for it. I wanted to be held so much, so much that hurt like ! And then their hands touch and play with each other for a second and I remember what it felt like when I use to do that with my ex. I found myself relating to what I was seeing there. I remember how wonderful that feels and I wanted it so much, right then and there. I would have killed to have my ex hold me at that moment. But he obviously wasn't there and the stupid scene was too short to keep me in the moment. But after it all, my legs were soaken and I was wet inside.

I never had any intentions of reacting that way to the movie. I had never done that before. But wow, it was strange! And of'course I had been playing with the vibrator the whole time. The feelings that the vibrator was giving me, turned somehow into a craving of wanting to be held by my ex. For me all very strange. I had never experienced anything like it. Not just the sweating but the emotions.

I can only imagine what I would have done if my ex had walked into the room, right at the moment. I honestly think I would have jumped him. Why couldn't I have felt that when I was really with him. Because I was too nervous. If I told him all of this right now, he would never believe me. He would have pushed me aside, make some kind of excuse for it and told me I was lusting over Leonardo. Leo was not in my mind, he was. My ex is stubborn and pathetic!! He never gave me the chance I needed to prove myself to him and now he is with someone else. Knowing him, he is probably settling for someone who is really plain in appearance, just so he could at least imagine that she would be attracted to him. Since I couldn't possibly be. He is just plain stupid.

Come on. Give me 530pm so I can go home!!

Originally Posted by pretzel

Sex, kegels or both

Gee pretzel, I don't get the sex so my guess she is talking about the kegels.

I'm slapping myself over the head over here. Had to remind myself that it is over between my ex and I. Even if I may have found his decisions stupid, there is no going back. And I do want him to be happy. Even if it means by him going on to the next woman. Not saying I have any desire to be even in the same room this woman, whoever she is. I'm not ready for that. Won't be until the next guy comes around. So I guess I won't be seeing him anytime soon.

Don't mind me here. I just needed to see that in print and remind myself that I need to move forward. No matter how hard it is to do so. Not looking or wanting a discussion on this. Just typing this for my own benefit. Life really sucks and I don't know how to snap out of that feeling.