Posting and SO lurking question.

**LanaBear** · 10-12-2009, 02:06 PM

I've been curious about this for a while...

We talk about a lot of stuff here and have developed some friendships. My question is would you change anything about the way you post i.e. content, frequency, etc if you knew your SO was lurking about the forum or heck, maybe if you didn't know, but thought... It's always a possibility.

Personally, I try to make sure that when I post, I ask myself, 'Would I freak out if hubby read that? Or would he freak out?' You just never know.

I know hubby hops on every once in a while and reads random threads after I talk about something that someone posted on here. He mostly just shakes his head, he's raised his eyebrows at some things (not necessarily my posts), but he's mostly a good sport about it. More than anything he knows how much I enjoy this forum.

Thoughts?

**Little** · 10-12-2009, 02:22 PM

I don't know if you guys noticed, but I stopped talking about my previous relationship after I got back from Mexico ... it was because I had been cheating on him. He knew about WH (most people in my life do; I don't link it from my facebook or anything but I suggest it to plenty of my friends when they have a problem.) So I guess I would (and have!) change(d) things around.
I guess I'm in a unique position that if my mother or family were lurking/posting, I'd probably just ban them :P We've banned exes of people who post on WH for internet stalking and only being on this forum to harass the members.
I think one of the main draws of WH is anonymity, so having people you "know" and don't talk about sex, etc with would ruin the effect. How COULD you speak with the same sincerity?

**rcoreyus** · 10-12-2009, 03:16 PM

The problem is that your SO might find WH later (weeks, even years) and look back over anything you have posted -true anonymity on the internet is almost impossible. I know that I have posted enough that someone who knew me could piece together who I am. Too late to do anything about it now, but I probably should have been more careful.

As far as "would I change what I wrote" - well um...this is sort of a self-referential problem - since this IS something I wrote and my spouse might be reading this.

**WildChild** · 10-12-2009, 03:52 PM

Well my ex was lurking and brought it up when we were in mediation. I'd ID'd him immediately and I did find it kind of creepy. But I wasn't living in the same household. My only concern was that he was/is rather angry and given to creating his own version of reality which had little relation to what was or had happened. Like Rcoreyus, with all my posts, someone who knew me could identify me pretty easily. Am I who I am and don't hide that here but I prefer to select who gets past the gatekeeper as far as my real name and all that.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-12-2009, 03:54 PM

It's like everything in life, I think.. It's a risk.

You should feel totally free to express and talk, no-one "here" knows who you are, well now nearly everyone knows me, haha... when this site crashed, our names and emails went out.

Anyway, Little will remember back in 2008 when I started going mental, finding me, I was way on the sex forums and talking about my life as well...

Then I decided to tell a guy I was considering dating, about this site, oh no... I was begging Little to delete threads (which is not possible)...

Do you see me writing in the sex section often? lol... Or adding to Confident Jerk? Or actually this new guy that emails me every day and texts me, like 6 times for the past week, whom I obviously will go out with shortly.. NO.........

As Corey says, it could be at any time and they look at your blog, or a past Thread, I think you have to be careful of what you write about you and think, like you stated of whom may read it.

I also am a great believer though of being who you are.. totally...

And, mostly, to help people with your thoughts, can't be anything wrong with that...

Then off course, we created the Lounge to have a bit more fun it in, surely your partner would laugh at half of that stuff....

I know I googled ChandlersWish one day and there I was Moderator on WH Forum, for all to see, my home page.

So... what can you do?

It's about expressing and so what... if you state what you feel to your other half and then post same, it's fine, no one outside of here, and those you want to know, should know your username... unless the hack or cheat by snooping in which case, grrrrrr anyway.

**WildChild** · 10-12-2009, 04:08 PM

LOL. Anyone who has time to read all the posts either of us has made - has got too much time on their hands.

**LanaBear** · 10-12-2009, 04:14 PM

lol - WC, you two darn near equal everyone else combined.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

It's about expressing and so what... if you state what you feel to your other half and then post same, it's fine, no one outside of here, and those you want to know, should know your username... unless the hack or cheat by snooping in which case, grrrrrr anyway.

I completely agree CW. Hubby I don't mind, he knows everything about me anyways. I would be freaked out if it was my mom, coworkers, friends or clients on the other hand.

**Little** · 10-12-2009, 04:15 PM

Something people should remember when they post personal stuff is that they found WH for a reason.
Because it ranks high on google searches.
I think if someone randomly came across WH, not knowing you posted on it, they would have a hard time IDing you with words only. (Pictures, obviously, make it simple.) It's quite possible that different people are in the same situation.

**WildChild** · 10-12-2009, 04:24 PM

Supposedly my pics are limited to "freinds". But I really have no way of checking that.

**caterpillar79** · 10-12-2009, 04:28 PM

I concur, Little. Pictures would give you away quickly.

My BF is guilty of lurking here when we had a break and I started with 'no contact'. This is how he learned about my struggles and successes, which I think enabled him to understand where I am coming from.

Now that we're back, I will not change the way I write. It is what is is - I even became braver - I used to stay away from the sex section, but now I am on it. What he sees is what he gets. He must love me for who I am, as I do for him.

10-12-2009, 02:06 PM	#1
LanaBear Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Moon Lander Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: A cozy little cottage on the moon. :-) Posts: 1,654 Blog Entries: 5	Posting and SO lurking question. I've been curious about this for a while... We talk about a lot of stuff here and have developed some friendships. My question is would you change anything about the way you post i.e. content, frequency, etc if you knew your SO was lurking about the forum or heck, maybe if you didn't know, but thought... It's always a possibility. Personally, I try to make sure that when I post, I ask myself, 'Would I freak out if hubby read that? Or would he freak out?' You just never know. I know hubby hops on every once in a while and reads random threads after I talk about something that someone posted on here. He mostly just shakes his head, he's raised his eyebrows at some things (not necessarily my posts), but he's mostly a good sport about it. More than anything he knows how much I enjoy this forum. Thoughts? __________________ Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE!

10-12-2009, 02:22 PM	#2
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,559 Blog Entries: 4	I don't know if you guys noticed, but I stopped talking about my previous relationship after I got back from Mexico ... it was because I had been cheating on him. He knew about WH (most people in my life do; I don't link it from my facebook or anything but I suggest it to plenty of my friends when they have a problem.) So I guess I would (and have!) change(d) things around. I guess I'm in a unique position that if my mother or family were lurking/posting, I'd probably just ban them :P We've banned exes of people who post on WH for internet stalking and only being on this forum to harass the members. I think one of the main draws of WH is anonymity, so having people you "know" and don't talk about sex, etc with would ruin the effect. How COULD you speak with the same sincerity? __________________ Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Admin

10-12-2009, 03:52 PM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,229 Blog Entries: 5	Well my ex was lurking and brought it up when we were in mediation. I'd ID'd him immediately and I did find it kind of creepy. But I wasn't living in the same household. My only concern was that he was/is rather angry and given to creating his own version of reality which had little relation to what was or had happened. Like Rcoreyus, with all my posts, someone who knew me could identify me pretty easily. Am I who I am and don't hide that here but I prefer to select who gets past the gatekeeper as far as my real name and all that. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-12-2009, 03:54 PM	#5
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	It's like everything in life, I think.. It's a risk. You should feel totally free to express and talk, no-one "here" knows who you are, well now nearly everyone knows me, haha... when this site crashed, our names and emails went out. Anyway, Little will remember back in 2008 when I started going mental, finding me, I was way on the sex forums and talking about my life as well... Then I decided to tell a guy I was considering dating, about this site, oh no... I was begging Little to delete threads (which is not possible)... Do you see me writing in the sex section often? lol... Or adding to Confident Jerk? Or actually this new guy that emails me every day and texts me, like 6 times for the past week, whom I obviously will go out with shortly.. NO......... As Corey says, it could be at any time and they look at your blog, or a past Thread, I think you have to be careful of what you write about you and think, like you stated of whom may read it. I also am a great believer though of being who you are.. totally... And, mostly, to help people with your thoughts, can't be anything wrong with that... Then off course, we created the Lounge to have a bit more fun it in, surely your partner would laugh at half of that stuff.... I know I googled ChandlersWish one day and there I was Moderator on WH Forum, for all to see, my home page. So... what can you do? It's about expressing and so what... if you state what you feel to your other half and then post same, it's fine, no one outside of here, and those you want to know, should know your username... unless the hack or cheat by snooping in which case, grrrrrr anyway. __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

10-12-2009, 04:08 PM	#6
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,229 Blog Entries: 5	LOL. Anyone who has time to read all the posts either of us has made - has got too much time on their hands. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-12-2009, 03:16 PM	#3
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	The problem is that your SO might find WH later (weeks, even years) and look back over anything you have posted -true anonymity on the internet is almost impossible. I know that I have posted enough that someone who knew me could piece together who I am. Too late to do anything about it now, but I probably should have been more careful. As far as "would I change what I wrote" - well um...this is sort of a self-referential problem - since this IS something I wrote and my spouse might be reading this.

10-12-2009, 04:15 PM	#8
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,559 Blog Entries: 4	Something people should remember when they post personal stuff is that they found WH for a reason. Because it ranks high on google searches. I think if someone randomly came across WH, not knowing you posted on it, they would have a hard time IDing you with words only. (Pictures, obviously, make it simple.) It's quite possible that different people are in the same situation. __________________ Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Admin

10-12-2009, 04:24 PM	#9
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,229 Blog Entries: 5	Supposedly my pics are limited to "freinds". But I really have no way of checking that. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-12-2009, 04:28 PM	#10
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,365 Blog Entries: 52	I concur, Little. Pictures would give you away quickly. My BF is guilty of lurking here when we had a break and I started with 'no contact'. This is how he learned about my struggles and successes, which I think enabled him to understand where I am coming from. Now that we're back, I will not change the way I write. It is what is is - I even became braver - I used to stay away from the sex section, but now I am on it. What he sees is what he gets. He must love me for who I am, as I do for him. __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

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