Forgetting the anniversary after 6 years...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-20-2009 08:19 PM

Depends on their make-up and also how they were bought up, you know the little woman is only there to tend to the house and in bed that's it.. That's her calling.

He sounds very much like my ex-husband haha.. A true batchelor that has no sentimental values, emotions, just goes about life for himself and your just "in it"...

To try to get him to change and be more understanding, committed, fun, express is not going to happen unfortunately, it's the way he was bought up or his thought pattern full stop..

They make a conscious effort to remember at the beginning and then they casually, like everything else, fall back into the pattern of which they are more in-tuned with, it doesn't matter...

I received a motor bike helmet for my 40th true story

And, then I bought him a motor bike we could both go on, (that was the plan) only to be told (after) I bought it, that he doesn't ride with someone on the back, and he traded it in and got a better one with my money. LOL..

They will say whatever to pacify but reality is they are batchelors and don't understand the word marriage or commitment other than "that's my wife", "she's mine" "don't look/touch"... But then they don't want to either, preferring to be with mates and simply have "sex" that's it. Lucky he cooks for you, mine didn't even do that.

CW

**geedee** · 10-20-2009 08:42 PM

Oh CW! Hahahaha You really hit the nail on the head about a couple things! One thing I can tell you.......... because he is so selfish he hasn't married me or even hinted at wanting to.......... the simple fact is that he doesn't want to take care of me. I work and he works and thats the only way this relationship works! hahahah

As far as how he was raised............ basically he was raised by wolves! No really..... trashy people. I really thought he was different though and boy have I seen the light to late........... now we have a son together and I can't bare to have a 3rd child raised in a broken home so I'm trying to make the best of it. But its hard not being or feeling close to him at all. I love him but I'm not IN LOVE with him and I know the feeling is mutual. Sadly I don't see us growing old together.... buying a home or doing any of those things people that truly love each other do. He is wrapped up in himself and I truly did him a disservice by taking him away from bachelorhood.

The funniest part about what you said is that he too has plans to purchase a beautiful Harley Davidson one day....................... A ONE SEATER! He has mentioned that specifically on several occasions. Of course just like you it hurt my feelings....... it sucks to love but not love back and to have trusted someone with your life and have them not be interested. Even thought I know I can take care of myself...... IDK its important to me to feel like I'm taken care of. That would make me feel secure.... instead I just feel uncertain and alone.

**Texinator** · 10-20-2009 08:57 PM

geedee, if you don't mind me asking, what do you love about him and what made you two fall in love in the first place?

**geedee** · 10-20-2009 09:04 PM

To make a long story short......... I've known him since we were kids.. growing up he was my best friends older brother. I had crush on him. When I was 19 we saw each other and instantly he was interested in me but I had just started relationship with the man who would later become my 10 year old daughters father. Okay so 9 years pass and my marriage falls apart so I go to him because of course I remember he was interested. He of course says all the right stuff and because I'm looking for someone who will promise to be everything my ex wasn't I fell what he was saying. 6 years later here I am again.... in another relationship with a man who is only one degree better then the last dude :/ Yeah so that pretty much sums it up! hahahahahah

**Texinator** · 10-20-2009 09:13 PM

How is his relationship with y'all's son? Does he ever do anything with him or does he leave the parenting to you as well?

Almost sounds like the two of you are just roommates. I don't like saying to get out, but I'll say that you deserve to be in a relationship where you're appreciated and the love is reciprocated.

**geedee** · 10-20-2009 09:24 PM

We are totally roommates! He treats my other kids like they are roommates who do stuff to irritate him too........ just like if he was living with other roommates. As far as how he is with his son........ he loves him but he has zero patience with him. I mean I'm sure as soon as he is old enough for him to go off with him he'll be more patient with him. I don't know how to describe him really......... he's just a redneck mess.... completely uninstructed in talking pride in anything we have or doing anything neatly. He is a complete slob and I know I paint a really gross picture but he's really getting worse. I mean so manners, never a complimenting word..... and has a hard time being the least bit gentle. With our son he is loving so I will give him that..... but when it comes to me....... he simply isn't into me. I really think he would be better off alone.... I really do.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-20-2009 09:26 PM

Ah the old "settling"

See here's the thing.. We don't actually interview them lol, we don't ascertain their core beliefs in life, rather it's chemistry and sex and lust and everything else we accept until oops? Later, we get to see all of the reality and think shirt if only I interviewed him (joke) but not really, we all do it and all the time... Just go with the lust and not actually find out about them as a person, their believes, habits, hobbies, passions and non-passions. Guys will also tell us the picket fence is there waiting etc, only to establish it's a load of hobwash.

I think we wear rose coloured glasses initially and then establish later.

You have to have the same core beliefs in how relationships work ...

I am betting you have separate bank accounts as well

That Harley? He will get it and it will be murder from there, every weekend, off with mates, seeya...

I think that you should firstly start to associate more with passions of your own, hobbies, friends and start learning to be in-dependent again...

There's nothing wrong with trying until you buy

Your not married and you want to grow old with someone you know is there for you and visa versa and your children would be happier in that sort of atmosphere so quit worrying what people think and work this for yourself.

Loving someone as Tex said is "friendship" being in love is totally different.

We only live once sweet.

CW

**geedee** · 10-20-2009 09:38 PM

Ohhhhhhhh you're one wise woman! Yup totally 2 bank accounts! He pays for his 1/2 of the bills and I do the same. Its a complete roommate situation! I totally know I'm settling........ truth is.... my biggest fault in all this is that I have incredibly low standards! Its true.... I run to the first person who smiles at me! I never wait to see whos next, I never interview and I never second guess them! Its not until I've been hit in the head with their attitude that it dawns on me that I'm better then this!

SO YES..... I also learned from my divorce 7 years ago that I have to be independent. Its very hard for me because I really feel so insecure not being with someone. But I'm working toward the independent person I know I have in me. I'm sad this is happening again. And I know myself well enough that I wont be able to get out until I've hit rock bottom with him. I have no idea how much longer I'll keep trying to "make it better"........ I've been trying several things and sometimes it will work for us for a day or so....... sometimes just a few hours. I almost left a month ago but he begged me to stay and then it was okay for a few days then he was back in full swing :/ Then of course I have to hear the "oh so now you're gonna threaten to leave again" every time he gets upset.......... trust me that gets old cause I feel like hes mocking me!

Anyway you guys are so rad to help me!!!!!!!! This really is helping me realize some stuff!!! (((HUGS)))

**Texinator** · 10-20-2009 09:41 PM

Hey, you're independent enough that you didn't feel the need to rush into marrying him and you were wise to keep the bank accounts and other things separate matters.

Maybe it's not the nicest situation but you've also kept it from getting too messy.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-20-2009 09:44 PM

Your correct. It won't be until you couldn't fathom him touching you in any way and you just feel dis-respect for him. At that point you will just up and go.

Batchelors always have separate bank accounts lol.. But, you are room-mates ,you acknowledge where it is at, where it was and where it is going.

Get your butt into the new you, independent, change your hair colour, put on some lipstick and start realising your self worth, plus he'll get worried and jealous and you never know

CW

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