Forgetting the anniversary after 6 years...

**geedee** · 10-20-2009, 12:05 PM

So quick bio... my boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We have 1 son together and I have 2 other kids from divorce who live with us.

Boyfriend isn't romantic AT ALL. He is a huge redneck who really only cares about his redneck stuff. In the past he has always made it a point though to tell me ahead of time that he knew our anniversary day was coming and did I want to plan anything. This year he said nothing. On our day 10/11 I presented him with a card and gift certificate to his fav. store and he looked at me and had no idea what the gift was for until he read the card. I'm really hurt that he forgot. I mean he isn't romantic and I've learned to deal with that and gave the excuse that at least he remembers important days...... but now he doesn't even do that!

My question is.... am I justified to be hurt....... how hurt should I be about something like this? How would you react and what would you have said to him?

**WildChild** · 10-20-2009, 12:07 PM

Is he otherwise loving? Are there ways he shoes that he cares? If yes then you may just have to accept that this doesn't register on his radar and help him out? Not hints. Just remind him or make arrangements.

**geedee** · 10-20-2009, 12:12 PM

He is only loving when he wants sex.... and I wouldn't even call it loving really..... I mean thats the only time he pays attention to me. There are never compliments and I never feel like I'm the apple of his eye. Its really been bothering me. He isn't someone you can talk to either... he's pretty ignorant when it comes to trying to explain feelings and needs. *sigh* at times I feel its useless to even care about him.

**Tex** · 10-20-2009, 12:21 PM

I wonder why he would remember the first couple of times and then suddenly forget.

**geedee** · 10-20-2009, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tex

I wonder why he would remember the first couple of times and then suddenly forget.

Well I have a feeling its cause he's wrapped up in something else hes gotten into lately thats been taking up a lot of his time. Fact of the matter is he cares about what he cares about and the stuff he doesn't..... he just doesn't. He's a pretty self centered person although there are times he does think of the rest of that in the house............. really thats just cooking us dinner....... I guess I can say the only way I feel love from him is that he makes dinner for us

Of course nothing to balk at............ but thats all really.

**KMonte85** · 10-20-2009, 12:43 PM

I'm in a relationship with a hick too so I feel your pain there

They sure do suck at the "romance" thing... luckily, I'm not a big romantic either so it works for me.

If your BF is anything like mine, he will probably be forever sporadic in his memory of important dates. Your best bet is to remember the date for him and let him know some time in advance and every day after that your anniversary is coming up and you would like to do something to celebrate.

It sounds like you might have bigger fish to fry than him forgetting the anniversary. Seems like you are more upset that he's been ignoring you, not the date. You could give him a reminder about this problem too, something along the lines of you are his GF all the time, not just when he's horny so perhaps he should show you a little more about how he cares about you.

Keep an eye out for some things he might be doing for you out of love that you might not even notice. Does he take care of your car maintenance for you? Does he want you to come along to his redneck-y things like trap shooting and demo derbies? He might be showing he loves you in subtle, redneck fashion....

**Tex** · 10-20-2009, 01:08 PM

How is he in general? Does he take good care of the kids? Is he ever rude or disrespectful?

Also how was he when y'all first started dating? Any different?

**geedee** · 10-20-2009, 01:56 PM

Oh man... you guys are giving me some good stuff to go on here! Yeah he's really rude to me sometimes and that bugs me...... I mean he doesn't name call but he talks down to me or harps and nags on stuff.

He gave me the typical bate and switch really...... I mean in the beginning he told me how great he'd be............. IDK its a weird situation. And as far as the involving me in his redneck stuff..... yeah not so much. I really tried to adapt...... I mean I love camping......... love love LOVE it and so I bought us a trailer but he doesn't want to go out with me and the kids......... he wants to spend that time with his friends :/ Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of broke back mountain!

**Tex** · 10-20-2009, 02:35 PM

I was thinking that it is like Monte said and maybe instead of being romantic he has a different way of showing his love for you.

But if he talks down to you and rather spends time with you his buddies than go camping with you, you're probably upset about more than just him forgetting the anniversary.

**geedee** · 10-20-2009, 07:40 PM

Yeah Tex you're right......... but I guess this kinda seals the deal....... I mean at least before he would remember important dates :/ Just bums me out

10-20-2009, 12:05 PM	#1
geedee VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 58	Forgetting the anniversary after 6 years... So quick bio... my boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. We have 1 son together and I have 2 other kids from divorce who live with us. Boyfriend isn't romantic AT ALL. He is a huge redneck who really only cares about his redneck stuff. In the past he has always made it a point though to tell me ahead of time that he knew our anniversary day was coming and did I want to plan anything. This year he said nothing. On our day 10/11 I presented him with a card and gift certificate to his fav. store and he looked at me and had no idea what the gift was for until he read the card. I'm really hurt that he forgot. I mean he isn't romantic and I've learned to deal with that and gave the excuse that at least he remembers important days...... but now he doesn't even do that! My question is.... am I justified to be hurt....... how hurt should I be about something like this? How would you react and what would you have said to him?

10-20-2009, 12:07 PM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,231 Blog Entries: 5	Is he otherwise loving? Are there ways he shoes that he cares? If yes then you may just have to accept that this doesn't register on his radar and help him out? Not hints. Just remind him or make arrangements. __________________ We can only learn to love by loving. Iris Mudoch, British writer

10-20-2009, 12:43 PM	#6
KMonte85 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Southeastern WI Posts: 148	I'm in a relationship with a hick too so I feel your pain there They sure do suck at the "romance" thing... luckily, I'm not a big romantic either so it works for me. If your BF is anything like mine, he will probably be forever sporadic in his memory of important dates. Your best bet is to remember the date for him and let him know some time in advance and every day after that your anniversary is coming up and you would like to do something to celebrate. It sounds like you might have bigger fish to fry than him forgetting the anniversary. Seems like you are more upset that he's been ignoring you, not the date. You could give him a reminder about this problem too, something along the lines of you are his GF all the time, not just when he's horny so perhaps he should show you a little more about how he cares about you. Keep an eye out for some things he might be doing for you out of love that you might not even notice. Does he take care of your car maintenance for you? Does he want you to come along to his redneck-y things like trap shooting and demo derbies? He might be showing he loves you in subtle, redneck fashion.... __________________ When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

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10-20-2009, 12:12 PM	#3
geedee VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 58	He is only loving when he wants sex.... and I wouldn't even call it loving really..... I mean thats the only time he pays attention to me. There are never compliments and I never feel like I'm the apple of his eye. Its really been bothering me. He isn't someone you can talk to either... he's pretty ignorant when it comes to trying to explain feelings and needs. sigh at times I feel its useless to even care about him.

10-20-2009, 12:21 PM	#4
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,124	I wonder why he would remember the first couple of times and then suddenly forget.

10-20-2009, 01:08 PM	#7
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,124	How is he in general? Does he take good care of the kids? Is he ever rude or disrespectful? Also how was he when y'all first started dating? Any different?

10-20-2009, 01:56 PM	#8
geedee VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 58	Oh man... you guys are giving me some good stuff to go on here! Yeah he's really rude to me sometimes and that bugs me...... I mean he doesn't name call but he talks down to me or harps and nags on stuff. He gave me the typical bate and switch really...... I mean in the beginning he told me how great he'd be............. IDK its a weird situation. And as far as the involving me in his redneck stuff..... yeah not so much. I really tried to adapt...... I mean I love camping......... love love LOVE it and so I bought us a trailer but he doesn't want to go out with me and the kids......... he wants to spend that time with his friends :/ Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of broke back mountain!

10-20-2009, 02:35 PM	#9
Tex Gold Contributor 500+ Posts $Tex's Avatar$ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,124	I was thinking that it is like Monte said and maybe instead of being romantic he has a different way of showing his love for you. But if he talks down to you and rather spends time with you his buddies than go camping with you, you're probably upset about more than just him forgetting the anniversary.

10-20-2009, 07:40 PM	#10
geedee VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 58	Yeah Tex you're right......... but I guess this kinda seals the deal....... I mean at least before he would remember important dates :/ Just bums me out