I dreamed that Marty killed himself. I talked to him before he did it and he was telling me that he sold his house and moved into an apartment. I was shocked, I didn't know why he would sell his house. I wasn't understanding what was going on. Then I got a voicemail from his mother saying, "I don't know you or why he wants to keep you around but he does so you have 62 hours." It made no sense to me. So I finally figured out that he was going to kill himself and I kept calling and calling and calling and he wouldn't answer the phone. Then I got ahold of him and I was bawling my eyes out so much so that I couldn't breathe or speak and he was on the other end laughing. I was so angry and hurt and upset that I couldn't hold the phone. I collapsed outside and the line went dead. Then he killed himself.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
That's a disturbing dream. Dreams can be so many things, jumbled up bits and pieces of things that have been happening, fears, movies we've seen - it all can get thrown in there. Think about it, he is a dear freind, you care for him, to a degree you depend on him being there for you. What happens if somehow he isn't there anymore? Like your father? I know you have some deep pain there, could it be that you are transfering some of that into a fear for Marty?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
It's funny that you bring this up. Last night we had a talk about what happened around the Holidays last year. That was really the beginning of our relationship going bad. All of his family was around and when it comes to them, from Thanksgiving to New Years, it's one big drunken party. He disappeared on me a lot last year because of this. I was telling him last night that I feel like it's going to happen again and that I was thinking of cutting contact some so that when it does happen, it won't be as much of a shock. It would be hard to go from talking everyday - twice a day to talking every few days.
I don't have a fear of actually losing him for good or that he may die. I think that maybe it's just that I know how things went last year and though we stayed together it was awful. The relationship never bounced back until this summer.
I will say though... If I did lose him that would be the second worst loss of my life and the first being my father. There is no doubt about that. I don't know how I would go on. It would take me a very long time to recover.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
The mind is a funny thing and when our guard is down as in sleep, it can make some interesting and sometimes strange connections. Having someone become unavailable to us can be a bit like a death, in that they aren't there for us.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
It's strange... Him and I would be there for each other in a heartbeat but our talks are typically very light hearted and fun. We laugh a lot and stray from serious subjects that would bring us down. If I do need to talk, he's right there to listen and vice versa but as I said, it's all fun for the most part.
The reason I don't understand what caused this dream is because right before I went to sleep our chat was sexual. Not phone sex... Just saying what he liked specifically on my body. I was turned on before falling asleep.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
New Dream
I think I have this one pretty well figured out. Last year before I met Marty I was dating this guy named Joey. Total douche bag now that I look back on it. Anyways, we went to lunch one time and he was getting pizza by the slice and I just wanted a sandwich. Well, he freaked out because my sandwich was $6 when his pizza was $4/slice. It made me super uncomfortable.
Anyways, to my dream. I'll make it short.
Last night I dreamed that Marty and I were shopping and he wanted to buy me a bracelet. He didn't look at the price but just grabbed the two biggest gold bracelets he could see. They were kind of hidden in the back of the case. Well, he wrote out the check for them, $175. The cashier looked at the check and said, "No, it's $675.00." He said, "Oh okay" and then fixed it. As we were walking away he said, "No wonder they were hidden in the back." I said, "You don't need to buy those for me. It's okay." He let me keep them anyways. I had the same feeling as when Joey and I went to lunch.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
The extra $2 were something for him to get excited about? Geez.
My food was less than his actually... His was $8, mine was $6 but I know, right? I almost got my debit card out to pay cause he made me feel like I was taking advantage of him or something. It was our first actual date too might I add.Originally Posted by Tex
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
And... He took my virginity.
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
My food was less than his actually... His was $8, mine was $6 but I know, right? I almost got my debit card out to pay cause he made me feel like I was taking advantage of him or something. It was our first actual date too might I add.i guess that was $2 well spent after allAnd... He took my virginity.
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..
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