Painful Rant...long

**Explorer44** · 01-16-2010 11:16 PM

I hardly know how to write about what has occurred over the past few days, but I've nowhere else to vent it, so...

Last Tuesday my 7 yr old daughter came to work with me. For some reason, however, when she returned to class, on Wednesday she told her classmates that she'd been home alone. Without asking me where she had been or anything else, her teacher or the principal thought they'd better 'protect' her from her family by reporting us to the Department of Children and Family Services! I suddenly received a call from an 'investigator', stating that he had already interviewed my daughter and was now demanding to speak with me.
I was forced to explain where she had been, get notarized statements from my co-workers swearing she was there and provide a copy of the log book showing she was signed into my office.
This 'investigator' also asked a lot of questions about my ex, claiming he 'had' to notify him. I was forced to explain that since we left my ex to live in a domestic violence shelter, that would seem like an illogical and foolish thing to do, especially in light of the fact that NOTHING happened in the first place!
He still claims he needs to 'see inside the house'. Ummmm why? She was AT MY OFFICE!
This stupid man could actually get my daughter taken away from me. It is unbelievable that her school (where I am the class mom!) would think that this was in any way their business. My daughter came home and said 'Oh this nice man talked to me today for a long time ! He asked me a lot of questions, but I wouldn't answer the one about my private parts..." I was like, WHAT THE !? Apparently he asked her to show him where her private parts were. I'm sorry but what the does that have to do with where she was on Tuesday!
Now she is upset, she is afraid, and we are in shock. And of course I want nothing to do with this moronic school anymore.
So I have no idea what to do or what I can do. This 'investigator' has 60 days to decide what 'he' thinks the decision should be. This is asinine.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-16-2010 11:55 PM

Oh sweetheart, you've been through enough without this carp as well.

Children say the strangest things, but you have evidence to the contrary and that has to play a major role, off which you could fight anyway, not that you should have to and I hope you don't have to.

It sounds like your planning to run again?

I understand that the Father usually needs to know as well but only in my opinion if found that there are in-consistencys and under your circumstances, this man seems to be only interested in A-Z, not facts nor compassion.

Only a Doctor should ask those questions pertaining to your daughter's private parts and usually that's for sexual abuse, your the Mother not the Father, would she repeat that?

I would march right down to Department of Services, the only problem is she lied once and they may claim she is lying again.

Can you afford to speak to a Lawyer? They may be able to immediately "squash" any contact with the Father, with threats... which will make you safe..

I have no idea what else to suggest...

I would put a bed in my house for you though off course...

CW

**newhere808** · 01-17-2010 12:32 AM

O my goodness explorer, i'm so sorry to hear about that. How could the school be overreacting so grossly?

I hope someone involved comes to their senses, that is rediculous.

**WildChild** · 01-17-2010 07:36 AM

This stuff can really get out of hand and you'd think that once it's proved that your daughter was with you at work that would end it. I would talk to an attorney. It might cost a few hundred dollars but that would be cheaper than the other possibilities. The school may have policies that require them to report. Most states have laws based on the child's age, that limit how long they can be left unattended.

Then you need to resolve the issue of your daughter lying. This is a concern, she needs to understand the situation her lies have created. What if she chooses to lie one day and say she's been molested or that you abuse her? It sounds like she may have enjoyed the attention? There is a reason she has done this and this behavior needs to be stopped now.

**Explorer44** · 01-17-2010 10:57 AM

Thank you for your responses...

It's the weekend, and no school tomorrow, so she will be at her horseback riding camp during the day. I took the afternoon off to be with her.

Since I have no idea when we might hear something - this guy has 60 days to write his 'decision', it's very stressful to have this hanging out there.

Yes, I would love to have a lawyer, but as was pointed out, who is to say that this guy will deny everything? Also, I don't know if she was alone with him when he asked her this...I'm hesitant to keep asking her about it.

Yes CW I wish we could just 'start over'. But apparently until they make a decision, I can do nothing.

My daughter is so upset she actually thinks they have people watching us..thinks they have cameras trained on the house...

As she stated, "I made a mistake, I ruined my f amily, I just want everything to go back the way it was".

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-17-2010 01:52 PM

Explorer, it sounds like you've been defeated too many time in your life.

When I want an answer and I haven't got one, I will not stop until I am heard..........

Start playing the Investigator yourself... search for simular cases in your State, google, speak to a Lawyer and explain your situation and show your evidence and ask for their opinion and ask if they can "stop" any contact with your ex, for that 60 day period.

CW

**sperosi** · 01-17-2010 02:16 PM

i suggest you contact the state legislator's office (state senator or state representative) for the area you vote in and ask about filing a constituents inquiry or complaint.

if you search for something like florida state senator it should take you to a place where you can find that out.

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-17-2010 03:49 PM

Oh explorer I am so sorry. Anyone that has spent more than 20 minutes around a child knows that they will say some things that don't make a lick bit of sense. Of course the school has to question, look into matters -- it really is funny (or not funny at all) the things they choose to report and the things they sweep under the rug.

But given this is the first time she's made such a claim, and the fact that you have notarized letters attesting to where she actually was that should have been the end of it.

I can NOT BELIEVE they asked her anything to do with her 'private parts'. I am with WC that you need to get a lawyer. I think that they have already went over the scope of their investigation asking about her privates when her claim was she was home alone. Asking a small child leading questions can lead to false allegations, familys ripped apart and lives ruined by overzelous investigators.

I am a firm advocate in protecting children, and I do not have a problem with their need to confirm the childs whereabouts in the time she says she was left alone -- but anything above and beyond that is just bordering on harassment and it is them who are now inflicting emotional harm on your child asking her such questions where there was no hint that it was necessary.

What a nightmare. Take comfort in the fact you know you've done nothing wrong, that you have the statements to prove her whereabouts.. that she has always been loved and treated well and kept safe. There are laws in place to protect you from this kind of harrasment, I think.. I hope so be sure to check into legal consultation. Especially concerning what info they give to your abusive ex as to your whereabouts.

**rcoreyus** · 01-17-2010 04:47 PM

I was involved in the other side of this sort of situation - acted as a "shelter care" foster parent for children taken out of their homes. When I joined the program I though I was doing a service for mistreated children. As time when on I discovered that the entire "child protective services", "foster care" system was absolutely appalling, they were taking children out of their homes based on unsubstantiated statements. Then not returning them despite extensive evidence that the claims of abuse had been fabricated. We got out of the program as soon as possible - I am disgusted to have ever been a part of that family-wrecking system.

The upshot is I completely believe your story, and don't know what you can do about it. I am so sorry this has happened, and wish I had some idea of how to help. I'm happy to talk more by PM if you like. I'm afraid that whenever I think about this I have to work to avoid throwing things. I haven't lived a very good life, but being involved in the foster care is the worst thing I have ever done in my life.

I hope this works out OK - you have my best wishes, wish there was more I could offer.