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Reply With Quoteaaaah done venting but still upset and hurt
Cant stop crying
me and my hubby just got in a fight on his way to work and all i wanted to do was apologize for making him upset. and ask him not to talk down to me and it feels liek he degrades me when he talks sometimes. He said hes not doing anytyhing liek that and what he says is only the truth. He said he didnt talk down or degrade but thats the way i felt. when he tells me i didnt respect him in teh way i talked to him i apologize and tell him thats not the way i meant it. He couldnt even do that and all i keep doing is crying. just like b4. he told me to leave him alone and not to call him cuz i kept calling him trying to tell him how he made me feel like s(edit)and i told him i dont want to fight please dont do this i am sorry for making you mad. and he doesnt think he should say sorry. i really feel so hurt right now my eyes are so puffy and my eldest knows im sad so im trying to keep it together for my 3 kids its just im so sad. he hurt me in what he said. he said didnt do anything wrong when he called me after he cooled down all i said was ok. and that i havent changed i need to let him cool off. i understand that and alot of people need that but what about the other side. the side where im feeling like in tears cant function and all i wanted was a im sorry hun i didnt mean it that way!!! he said sorry for yelling at me but i didnt want his apology anymore im so frustrated. what do i do??? Was i in the wrong for telling him i was hurt? and that i felt he degraded me ? Every time i tell him something becasue he said i could talk to him and him not get mad .. he gets mad. i just want to shut down again. liek b4 i left i feel hopeless. i want to make this work do i hold my tongue and eb a stepford wife?
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 02-01-2010 at 07:09 PM. Reason: Can not use **** to go around the profanity filter
aaaah done venting but still upset and hurt
Y is it so hard for a man to say im sorry? especially to his wife whom he says loves and doesnt want to hurt?? hmm??
Ok, stop calling him. You're going to drive both of you crazy. You're looking for something that he isn't willing to give at the moment. (an apology)
Next time this happens, say something immediately. Like, 'hey, I don't think you meant it that way, but when you said _____ it really made me feel like you don't respect me....I hope that's not the case because we love each other.' Try not to accuse him, then demand an apology, while crying, etc. Just tell him how what he is doing makes you feel.
Why not try not calling him at work or while he is driving? Those are both really bad times to have a serious or intimate converstation. Wait until he gets home and don't dump it the moment he walks in the door either. Let him have some time to unwind a bit, then tell him you need to talk for 5 mins, 10mins, what ever you think it would take and then tell him calmly that what he said was very hurtful to you. If you really want him to hear you then you have to talk when he is able to listen.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I just don't understand your husband , so you're not alone there.
When someone is upset and you know you have it in your power to keep the peace, why not be the bigger man and at least say sorry for the way you were feeling even without admitting wrong doing.
When I get my feelings hurt I tell my boyfriend and he comforts me. If I got the wrong idea he corrects me he doesn't just say he's wrong he'll tell me if I'm right. But he's always sympathetic to my reaction, especially if I'm in tears.
If the roles were reversed I do the same for him- its called compromise.
When someone is hurting, you try to ease their pain if you can, even if you didn't do anything wrong.
Even with friends I can remember times getting upset and yelling and they start to turn it around on me - when they are in the wrong... But if they are crying and seeking my understanding I could never just walk away from that... I'd feel terrible.
The only thing that would make this different is if it happened all the time and he's just tired of always saying sorry for stuff he didn't feel he did wrong? Do these incidents happen often?
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
It sounds like he's being defensive. Some people are just like that naturally. If he's being attacked or accused on a regular basis, I could see why he's reacting this way. The one thing you can control is how you approach him and how you react to him being defensive.
Like WC said, approach him calmly, at a good time and explain how you feel.
Thats it though Hoplessdork i dont do it often but whenim hurt im hurt. im a bit of a cry baby if my feelings get hurt BUT only with him. if my parents are mad my friends are mad i never cry only with my hubby do i cry. and there are some times when talking then and there are the only things that are going to fix it. waiting 13 hours to talk makes me feel worse i get violently sick cant eat. I get upset!!. One second of saying im sorry for hurting you even if he says he didnt mean it that way or you took it the wrong way just the fact hes sorry for making me sad upset feel like makes it all better . and ive told him this. but he doesnt care he said give him 10 minutes 30 minutes to cool off but by then im so mad upset and in tears un consolable taht i just cry at every word he say. wheather it be i love you or hey even im sorry at that point. why not save the tears and heart break and say im sorry for making you feel that way i didnt mean it that way we can talk about it later?? I would be perfect with that no crying not sickness no lose of sleep.a ble to talk when he wants at that point. He just never gives in though. i flippin hate it. then he called me at work said he was sorry and i was right that he shouldnt of jumped on me yelled and called me stupid for what i did. that i was right adn hes sorry. By then though i was already not wanting to listen to him. it meant nothing to me that he had have another person tell him he was wrong. How jacked up is that? another person had to tell him was wrong.
Oh Lizzy, i feel so sorry for you. I just went through a similar thing with a close friend and it's very tough when all you are trying to do is to let the other person know how you feel, and they see it as an attack. I agree with Sourpuss and Wildchild, dont have those kinds of conversations over the phone while he is driving anywhere. not only is it hard to concentrate and have a real conversation while driving, it is actually dangerous for the driver if she/he gets too involved in the conversation and isnt 100% paying attention to the road.
some guys just plain old need time to decompress and shed off the junk from the day before dealing with home issues. this was a big problem in my home years ago and just getting right to what was wrong never worked well.
it's not just you, we all go through this one way or another. the key is finding when and how to talk about things.
Lets see if I have this straight,Originally Posted by Lizzy girl
You feel you need to apologize to him because he is being demeaning and disrespectful towards you, you called him on it, he got mad, and it's your fault?
He said he didn't do anything wrong, that being sarcastic, demeaning, disrespectful is his normal?
You want this to work, can you live with yourself everyday knowing that he feels that there are no boundaries with respect to his attitude toward you. If being a Stepford wife is what you want, I'm sorry, this is exactly what you'll get from him.
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