Girls, why is personaility so important to you??

**GentlemanGhost** · 02-16-2010 07:06 AM

Recently, since I am JUST starting to look like I workout. I have had a decent ammount of females initially interested in me.........but then not intrested in me after talking to me for 5 minutes

I am conscience to make sure I talk about them and stuff they like, but I still am not a very good conversationalist.

So, they talk to me for 5 minutes. Then, they avoid me.

WHY is personality so important to women???

**ItsASecret** · 02-16-2010 07:19 AM

Because we can get bored pretty easily with a one dimensional character. There needs to be substance to back up wanting to be with someone. Being arm candy is nice and all but if there is nothing to support that like being able to laugh at stupid things, talk about meaningless material, or go out and enjoy the things she does type thing then why bother talking to someone that thinks that their looks need to trump personality factors. A guy who is buff and lacks personality in any way shape or form is likely not going to get the 'good girl' but the not-so-buff regular Joe who can make her laugh at any given moment just because he likes to see her smile likely will.

There is another simple explanation, she is just not that into you. Just like guys can talk to a girl but not want to persue anything further, just because he is just not that into her.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-16-2010 07:55 AM

Like we talked about in the "the attraction of the taken" post... women get a vibe when a man is 'on the hunt' and a lot are easily turned off by that. I am not saying go out and get a gf so that you will be taken and thus more confident around women... thereby attracting them. I am saying instead, relax. Don't use stupid pick up artist games of being negetive to girls, ignoring them etc in hopes they will want to hook up (it mostly makes guys come off as jerks)... but DO carry yourself in a manner that its not make it or break it that they talk to you.

Be yourself, don't try to impress, don't try to be interesting... it comes off as eager, girls get that vibe that you're eager and think hmmm maybe he just wants in my pants, maybe im not special and he hits on everyone like this.. etc and are turned off.

But if you talk to girls you meet like people, kind, friendly but not think of them as potentials... you'll come off more genuine and spark their interest.

You have a sweet kind personality ghost, I can tell from everything I've read. The only thing that might be sending them away is that even though you aren't saying it... you are conveying a desire for their approval of you. Go into every situation feeling like you already have their approval and now your just making conversation like you would with a guy you met.

That will put girls at ease instead of on the defensive. If you have ever spoken to a girl and within her first few sentences she mentions her boyfriend, fiance etc... whether or not you realize it you are conveying interest that they can feel so they feel the need to put up a wall.

**KMonte85** · 02-16-2010 08:13 AM

Personality is a HUGE factor for women who want a relationship and not just a quick fling.

We may see a man who is drop dead gorgeous and, truth be told, we might even date him even if he's about as interesting as cardboard. A whirlwind romp, or weeklong romance? Sure, women may go for it...

However, after a few dates, the looks will fade in our eyes. We just can't take a relationship to that next level if the guy doesn't have a compatible personality. Eventually, we find that we just can't STAND being around this handsome man... his looks become less and less important, to the point that we aren't even attracted to them anymore. Because we value that connection personality-wise so much more.

Without that compatible personality, I can't let my guard down and feel like I can truly open up to the person I'm with. If I can't do that, where is the relationship going? No where. And then whatever remnants of a relationship there may have been with the the man with the dreamy eyes and sexy bod and wallpaper paste personality, will be donefor.

**WildChild** · 02-16-2010 08:27 AM

Try asking questions about them, get them talking. There is an old cavet that most people's favorite subject is themselves. It win/win, you don't have to say alot - at lest not at first, you get to learn more about them and they may just feel good about talking to you.

**rcoreyus** · 02-16-2010 08:40 AM

Personality is a huge factor for men as well. Appearance is fine, but you can see beautiful women in photos or movies. Being a skilled lover is fine - but in reality you don't spend most of your time with your SO having sex. You spend most of your time doing things together and talking - and that is where personality matters.

**GentlemanGhost** · 02-16-2010 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Like we talked about in the "the attraction of the taken" post... women get a vibe when a man is 'on the hunt' and a lot are easily turned off by that. I am not saying go out and get a gf so that you will be taken and thus more confident around women... thereby attracting them. I am saying instead, relax. Don't use stupid pick up artist games of being negetive to girls, ignoring them etc in hopes they will want to hook up (it mostly makes guys come off as jerks)... but DO carry yourself in a manner that its not make it or break it that they talk to you.

Be yourself, don't try to impress, don't try to be interesting... it comes off as eager, girls get that vibe that you're eager and think hmmm maybe he just wants in my pants, maybe im not special and he hits on everyone like this.. etc and are turned off.

But if you talk to girls you meet like people, kind, friendly but not think of them as potentials... you'll come off more genuine and spark their interest.

You have a sweet kind personality ghost, I can tell from everything I've read. The only thing that might be sending them away is that even though you aren't saying it... you are conveying a desire for their approval of you. Go into every situation feeling like you already have their approval and now your just making conversation like you would with a guy you met.

That will put girls at ease instead of on the defensive. If you have ever spoken to a girl and within her first few sentences she mentions her boyfriend, fiance etc... whether or not you realize it you are conveying interest that they can feel so they feel the need to put up a wall.

I DO have a sweet kind personaility. A lot of women tend to take me the wrong way. There was this one girl I talked to for 10 minutes(average looking girl), but was REALLY fun to talk to. I finally got the courage to ask for her email....emailed her...no response.

This was in physics class. The girl gave me a wierd look the next time I saw her. Overheard her say to some guy that she considered me a jerk....

I dunno, I guess you are right. Personality is important to me too. I wouldn't date some girl who talked about herself 24/7.

**Goodgirl93** · 02-16-2010 09:42 AM

Aww sweetie,

But personality is what keep the relationship going.Ofcourse its nice to have that physical attraction,but if a guy can keep me laughing or smiling,that's more important.Like I've said in one of your previous posts,looks fade with age,but personality will always be there.

Trust me I am a very shy person.For example,the other night,I was talking to my guy "friend" on the phone for the first time,and he even mentioned later on that he could tell I was nervous cause I was talking a bit fast.I was trying to think of ways to keep the conversation going,and apparently,it doesn't benefit me in anyway.Why is it that you can keep a conversation going? Are you shy? Or can you just not think of subjects to talk about?

As far as your reply to HD's post....Sweetie....isn't that kind of obvious and girls are thinking the same of you? NOT to sound mean at all,but they are taking your personality the wrong way.is it the way you are presenting yourself? Are you coming off as cocky and stuck up? Do you ask her questions and talk about her to? Think about all those questions,not very many women like a cocky guy,try acting more laid back honey,and just go with the flow.

**GentlemanGhost** · 02-16-2010 09:43 AM

I think my biggest issue is that I am hyper-obsessed with weightlifting,physics,anatomy, radiography,birds,video games,family....

See, not enough varied interest!!!! The topics are all thats on my mind. When talking to a person, I ask them about THEIR interest. However, when they ask me....these topics are all I know!

I hope you guys don't think I am a bad guy. I am not. I hold doors for women, help old people with physical tasks(seriously)......

**Goodgirl93** · 02-16-2010 09:57 AM

Oh honey,you do not sound like a bad guy!!

I can see that you are a good guy,you just need a little "practicing"

For instance,my guy keeps me smiling laughing,happy,and he can keep a conversation going when I run outta things to say,and although he definately has the physical attraction,all of his personality qualities made me want him.Believe it or not,I never seen a recent pic of him til about 5 days ago.And sweetie,I know you have those personality qualities as well,you just have to show them off! Who cares if you don't have much variaty for conversating,get more variaty or talk about what comes to mind.I can't speak for all women,but I love a guy who thinks family is very important,see,there is already a great quality.Don't beat yourself up sweetheart,your a smart cookie,you can sweep a girl off her feet,just gotta get that umph.