He says he missed me or misses me but...

**Branwen** · 03-19-2010 07:23 PM

Hi folks,

My 4 month new boyfriend switched me to weekend outings and dinner at his appartment but....he texts me on tuesdays and then we exchange messages on wednesday or thursday and we both say we miss or missed each other BUT he never stops by my place to see me or invites me out for a few hours middweek...I guess I should be glad to be the "weekend girlfriend" right?

so this speaks about the level of commitment he is putting into this relationship right?
What the does he do during the week? does he see people? I only know what he wants me to know....
in the meantime I meet with some friends during the week over for coffee or some event...I tell him these things though.

so...what comes next??

many thanks for your help!!

**Branwen** · 03-19-2010 07:34 PM

Hi folks!

how are you doing? I'm still digesting my new boyfriend's sexuality little by little. I'm trying to adapt and understand it! could you help me??

First thing he has always enjoying me is doing things on him bum, kisses, touching etc. after a couple of months he started telling me about his fantasies and gay porno. He says he would love having a man penetrate him while he penetrates me. Then he fantasizes with swingers: me being penetrated by other men, kiss other women's pussies, breasts, etc.
I thought I liked these things but now I do not think I enjoy them anymore (the swinger and gay fantasies). Why is this? Is this because he fantasizes more than me? Does he want to be a swinger? He proposed me to get laid with one other guy while he watches me...while having a fantasy. Then, when we finished having sex I became upset about what he proposed to me during the fantasy and then he said it was just a fantasy...
Is he testing me? He noticed my bad reaction and then he said to me "well, we are not going to talk about fantasies anymore" then I said to him "oh no,please you just want to tell me some things that's all"
so, I don't know what to expect anymore from his sexual life. Is he a swinger then? At first I thought he was gay, then bisexual. He denied being one or the other...now I think he's a potential swinger!! what should I do? I'm really frustrated about where this relationship is heading to...
I don't know what he wants anymore...
thanks!

**WildChild** · 03-19-2010 08:30 PM

Your reaction is likely because for you it was fantasy. He's moving toward making it reality. We don't all want out fantasies acted out.

**Branwen** · 03-20-2010 07:09 AM

well, too late now...
I dumped him last night. I had told him I was upset because I had seen a tv program about swingers and all he said to me was: don't worry, rest, miss you.
then yersterday he did not even call or send me a message to find out if I was ok.
So last night I dumped him. I told him I was not going to undergo the same sex scenario from previous weekends. That he really needed to go out and try a swinger club and meet other swingers to find out. That i was not for him. besides other reproaches such as him being a lier since he does not even bother to see me during the week even though he says he misses me during the week. So something is wrong.
Do you want to know what his reaccion was this morning? "well, I think it's a good idea to take some time apart to think about all this" I'm going to miss you.
!!! he's losing me and all he does is send this stupid text message!!!
see he's a jerk!!! and I'm right then!!! he would really love to try swingers and free of charge prostitutes of all kinds!!!
Piece of Jerk!!!

**WildChild** · 03-20-2010 07:13 AM

Well guess you'd better chalk this one up to an interesting experience and move on. Now you know something more you don't want in your life, you are one step closer to what you DO want.
Remember the saying; every jerk you date, is one less jerk you marry.

**sourpuss** · 03-20-2010 07:27 AM

Hmm...tough to say what he's doing. Maybe he just wants some space and sleep. What is his work schedule like?

**jns** · 03-20-2010 09:29 AM

Your relationship did not sound like a love relationship, rather a friends with benefits relationship. He was doing the minimum possible to make sure it continued and so he would know how to plan his weekend. If it was an "in love" relationship, you and he would find some way to communicate more, since there are no major hurdles to your communications.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-20-2010 02:26 PM

I have to totally agree with jns..

Sounds like it's been all his way, and then he's been testing the waters as to what he can get away with, with you, then easily agreeing with you, once establishing that you see him as a boyfriend.

Any man in my opinion that can not answer a question pertaining to week days and why am I not in your life on those days, and skirts the question, is not serious about the relationship.

Better now than later sweet, after all you may have indulged in allot of those fantasies out of belief of love and then regretted and felt sick after for what you did "for" a man whom didn't love back.

CW

**MissMeSha810** · 03-21-2010 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Branwen

well, too late now...
I dumped him last night. I had told him I was upset because I had seen a tv program about swingers and all he said to me was: don't worry, rest, miss you.
then yersterday he did not even call or send me a message to find out if I was ok.
So last night I dumped him. I told him I was not going to undergo the same sex scenario from previous weekends. That he really needed to go out and try a swinger club and meet other swingers to find out. That i was not for him. besides other reproaches such as him being a lier since he does not even bother to see me during the week even though he says he misses me during the week. So something is wrong.
Do you want to know what his reaccion was this morning? "well, I think it's a good idea to take some time apart to think about all this" I'm going to miss you.
!!! he's losing me and all he does is send this stupid text message!!!
see he's a jerk!!! and I'm right then!!! he would really love to try swingers and free of charge prostitutes of all kinds!!!
Piece of Jerk!!!

Hey sweets. I was gonna reply until I read this quote. You made the right move. He sounds like he was looking for a Jack N The Box,
and when he was finally ready for the jack move, he was gonna put you and a couple of weirdos in the box with you! No thanks....good move sister.

**LilahX** · 03-22-2010 07:58 PM

Personally I wouldn't call seeing someone for just 4 months a 'relationship'. So many women scare off guys by thinking just b/c he is seeinig them a few times a week, and maybe sleeping with her, that they are a 'couple' and there is some sort of unspoken committment.

I know from talking to girlfriends (and we're in our 40s and 50s) that women expect more from guys in the way of attention than they do. There is no way to resolve this except by talking about your feelings and expectations and asking him about his (without making him feel like you're smothering him!).

Personally I never want to force someone to give me more attention, even tho I may crave it. If it's not given willingly and b/c they want to, it's not worth anything.

What comes next? Give this time and give him space. Four months is nothing. It's all brand new. Don't crowd him. If he's a 'stayer' then he'll be there. IF he's not then you'll find out soon enough.