Snappy responses for rude questions!

**KMonte85** · 05-03-2010 10:15 PM

So, after getting the "why aren't you married yet?" question for the 100,000th time, I thought to myself - what is with these people? When did it become okay to shove your insecurities or propoganda down my throat because you think what I am doing is or isn't right? What gives you the right to passive-aggressively judge me with your rude and intrusive questions? So I made a list of some of the most insidious questions.. and I would like to read some of your best quips to deal with them and shut the rude asker down! Of course there's the classic response, "that's a personal question I'm not comfortable answering." but where's the fun in that? So have at it, all! Tell 'em what you'd REALLY like to say to the following questions...

"How much money do you make?"

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)

"When are you getting married?"

"Are those your real breasts?"

"When are you going to have children?"

"What are you?"

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"

**LanaBear** · 05-03-2010 10:25 PM

"How much money do you make?"
I found a dime on the street today.

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)
A few years ago.

"When are you getting married?"
Possibly within the next century.

"Are those your real breasts?"
Thanks for looking.

"When are you going to have children?"
You know, I did, but it didn't work out, I left them with a pack of hyenas.

"What are you?"
What are you?

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"
I mixed a bunch of random sperm in a baster and stuck it up there... So, you know, I'm not really too sure.

Sorry, creativity is lacking today, I'll blame it on Monday.

**KMonte85** · 05-03-2010 10:26 PM

"How much money do you make?"

Answer: Will my answer affect who buys the next round?
or
Answer: Enough to maintain my nasty drug habit.

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)

Answer: I'm not. But thanks for assuming I'm having sex.

"When are you getting married?"

Answer: Not for a while! If I did, who would all my married friends live through vicariously?

"Are those your real breasts?"

Answer: No, I left the real ones at home tonight.

"When are you going to have children?"

Answer: I'm waiting until they figure out a way for men to do it.

"What are you?"

Answer: Last time I checked, I was human. Oh, were you refering to my nationality?

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"

Answer: Are you questioning the paternity of my children?

My basic goal, make the rude asker feel like a giant horse's patooty for asking such personal and insensitive questions.

**rcoreyus** · 05-04-2010 12:09 AM

"How much money do you make?"
Plenty - the color printer paid for itself in a few days.

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)
Haven't ordered one yet.

"When are you getting married?"
As soon as (fill in favorite person: Robert Pattinson) gets his divorce finalized.

"Are those your real breasts?"
No, I stole them, but don't tell anyone.

"When are you going to have children?"
Never, its easier to just pick them up off the streets.

"What are you?"
Alien from Neptune, how did you see through my disguise,

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"
Assuming you are female - say conspiratorially "I'm not sure, I think my husband may have been fooling around".

**WildChild** · 05-04-2010 06:52 AM

All of these can be answered with the same line. Your facial expression and tonality are up to you and can change the effect

Why do you ask?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-04-2010 07:21 AM

"How much money do you make?"
Actually, you should see the investment property we're looking at putting a deposit on.

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)

Comforts of life, what can I say, expensive restaurants..

"When are you getting married?"

Didn't you know there's more excitement in a relationship, when you haven't signed that piece of paper?

"Are those your real breasts?"

Great arent they.

"When are you going to have children?"

Too busy setting up our future, but we certainly practise a whole lot.

"What are you?"

A multitalented person.

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"

I was told it was because of all the different positions we tried, each time, kind of turned the kids upside down as well, let's hope their all as talented

(what? too much information? )

**BasketCase** · 05-04-2010 07:29 AM

"How much money do you make?"
Before or after I have pay the hookers and porn subscriptions?

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)
In two months, I am having an all cash\mail shower you can send the check to ....

"When are you getting married?"
When the church of scientology accepts my request to use the church.

"Are those your real breasts?"
Yea I REALLY paid for them and I REALLY love them.

"When are you going to have children?"
When your husband decides to commit.

"What are you?"
Well baby. Come on over here and find out.

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"
Your boobs look nothing alike, did you use the same doctor?

**lilylavendar** · 05-04-2010 01:26 PM

[B]How much money do you make?

How much money do you make?

[B]So, when is your baby due?

I didn't know I was having one.

[B]When are you getting married?

Marriage, such a beautiful and complicated affair.

[B]Are those your real breasts?

Wow, gravitiy hasn't kicked in yet.

[B]When are you going to have children?

Children are not about having, children are about loving.

[B]What are you?

Malfunctioned. Please deposit 1 million dollars for 3 minutes. No refund after sale. Sorry, temporarily closed. Please come back again.

[B]Your kids look nothing alike, do they have the same mother/father?

Sure they do, can't you see it in their smile?

**Little** · 05-05-2010 02:11 AM

"How much money do you make?"

More than you

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)

If you know something I don't know, I guess in about 9 months!
Alternatively, even if the person is super-skinny:
Probably about a month or two after yours. Have you picked a name yet?

"When are you getting married?"

I gotta take a short trip to Polynesia first. Easier to get the surgery there, you know.

"Are those your real breasts?"

Oh honey, it's okay, you don't want ones this big. They just get in the way!

"When are you going to have children?"

I don't have a snippy answer to this one, only "Aren't you too young for kids?"
For which, my answer is, "I graduated from college, have traveled the world, and make good money. Who cares if I'm 21?"

"What are you?"

Iraqi Jewish.

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"

You know, I can't really be sure.

None of these are particularly nice

But I haven't been particularly nice lately. Snippy is a way of life.

**Ahryin** · 05-05-2010 03:13 PM

"How much money do you make?"
It varies from day to day...hard to keep these Ho's from getting sick, matter of fact thanks for reminding me their goes one now (then yell at the top of your lungs) "Itch you betta have my money" excuse me I have to go chase this ho down

"So, when is your baby due?" (and you aren't pregnant)
Right after yours

"When are you getting married?"

Right after he gets a divorce

"Are those your real breasts?"

Actually they aren't I got them from the surplus lot...you like?

"When are you going to have children?"

I have them they are in China bringing over a hefty income...gotta love child labor

"What are you?"

Human

"Your kids look nothing alike. Do they have the same father/mother?"

Yes, my brother...look closely you sure they don't look like us