Thread: For all you Mums:)

Mother's Day in the US is May 8 this year. We'll be sending grandma a card and calling her (they have a gift avoidance policy as they have all the stuff they want). I'll probably be working and will plan to do something with my kids later in the day.

I'll say a bit about being a mother from my perspective.

I'm a single mom, that wasn't the plan. My kids were planned and very much wanted. But I made a poor choice of a mate and we have all paid. Then I remarried and in addition to other issues, he wasn't very nice to my kids and developed quite an antipathy toward my son. So I uprooted them again in order to protect them. As a parent your choices aren't just about you. We've had some tough times financially - for many reasons. Those of you who are looking at choices, keep in mind that when you marry or have a child with a man, you won't just be living with your judgement of how things should be done. If you let a man in your life who has poor judgement and who overrides you because he is male or brings the primary income, it isn't just you who will suffer the results - your children will too.

Being a single mom is 24/7/365. There are no breaks, ever. You do it all, everyday. You make choices like working more, being there less and having more or working less and doing without to BE there. Many times it isn't the bells and whistles but the basics that you will struggle to cover. I've chosen to BE there are much as possible. We do without the bells and whistles but as they were growing up, I never missed a soccer match, a swim meet, a school event. I was the girl scout leader and den mother, in both classrooms every week throughout elementary school. I have raised my children, I could have gotten on a career path that meant paying someone else to raise them or letting them raise themselves and many times a single parent doesn't have a choice in this. I'm fortunate that while I don't earn much I can do a kind of work that makes where I live my work. This has allowed me to be where I felt I should be. Its not an easy road.

As parents we love our children at a level that is hard to explain or comprehend, you have to live it. Ultimately our role is to get them into adulthood, which will make up most of their lives, as reasonably well adjusted, productive, happy people. This means always remembering that they are their own person and respecting that person. It means giving them age appropriate opportunities to make choices and decisions. It requires letting them see what you go through to make decisions, to see how you weigh possibilities and outcomes and take responsibility for the results - good or bad. It means keeping a sense of play in your life as an adult. Life is neither all fun and games or all grim and work, it needs balance. Keeping balance as a single parent takes an effort. I can't really speak to co-parenting with a spouse or partner, I've no doubt that presents its own challenges.

Now my children are nearly grown, one is in college, an honor student, the other is in HS and is spending this Saturday in AP exam reviews, also a top student. They are both healthy, intelligent, active, social young people who are moving into the world, making their own choices and so far doing a good job of it. I am proud of them beyond words.

I think I can safely speak for the majority of parents when I say, there isn't anything that they or anyone else could give me, no card, no flowers, no stuff, that would make me happier than seeing them navigating life successfully. So say thank you and let your parents know that you love them but know that how you live your life, the choices you make and the way you handle the results, good or bad, means more to them than any other gift. Its the stuff you are made of that counts most.

PS: A sincere, "I love you", is the most valued gift you can give.