List of the perfect lover.

**cuff** · 05-12-2010 11:03 PM

I'm seeing a lot of posts from men about their wives not wanting sex. Can the women here list, in order of importance, their perfect mate when it comes to sex? What makes you want a man? Not a fling, but someone that you want to spend time with. Someone that catches your attention at first, and holds on to it as time goes on. Men can chime in too about women. For me as a man, it would be:

1. Physical Attraction: cute face - curvy body (not obese) - feminine
2. Sexual: open sexually - sexually expressive
3. Confidence: not shy about showing her body and feeling sexy in front of me
4. Emotional Connection: loving - shares in the same or similar level feelings that I do
5. Communication - tells me her likes and dislikes sexually

There are more, but these are the ones off the top of my head. Some I can switch around to other numbers and maybe add one or two, but, the physical attraction would stay at the top. Of course looks change through time while being with someone a long while. You gain weight, get wrinkled, and things. But, just as important, is not letting yourself go and wanting to be attractive to the other person. At 20 years old or 80.

**Rainbow Rider** · 05-13-2010 01:25 AM

For me:

1) Mental compatibility - They MUST be upstanding citizens in every aspect of the word. I must love and respect who they are; how they they think; their morals, ethics, and values, etc. They MUST be GOOD people, and have compatible views with mine!

2) Physical attraction - They must respect their bodies and minds, and always put physical and mental health and fitness first! Self respect is of the utmost importance!! If they do not (are over weight, don't fix their health issues immediately, etc.), I sadly do not know how I can really respect them in the long term (ie - I may grow tired of their excuses for not fixing their problems). I want someone who strives for physical fitness, will not over indulge and get overweight, and if they accidentally stray down that path, they will RECTIFY the situation immediately (not half-assed one pound here, one pound there!). You only live once, so why not may it good and healthy?

3) Emotional connection - They must be kind, loving, compassionate, caressing, physically expressive and tender.

4) Have a "normal" healthy sexual drive - To me, this means the drive/need to have sex with me at without major planning/schedule/routine. If they do need major planning/schedule/routine, I can see how that might get SUPER boring and I might very well lose interest (like they don't take care of their health issues that prevent normal sexual funtion - staying fit and healthy).

5) As we all age and have issues; address health issues immediately! - get to the bottom of things immediately, make a plan, execute plan, and get results! No procrastinating, half-assed results that barely suffice, and effect both MY and THEIR welbeing (and healthy sex life!) long term!

6) Straightforward Communication - They must be excellent communicators in all regards. Expression of needs, desires, concerns, likes and dislikes, is something that I find highly attractive! The opposite; not so much.

In the long term, you age, you might gain a little weight here and there. The utmost importance is striving for your best at all times and NOT SLACKING! I am talking about possitive mental attitude. (Also don't want someone who is some obcessive striver for perfection. That is VERY unrealistic!).

That is what I find attractive in a mate!

**Rainbow Rider** · 05-13-2010 01:33 AM

Forgot to say:

Now, could I sleep with someone who does not have these qualities? SURE, why not? This relationship would most likely be short term, as I would not really respect the person much for the long haul. For a weekly lay here and there? Sure (as I'd keep wishing they had different qualities so it would be a lasting relationship, and think, "oh, what a bummer".)

Could I "love" someone who does not have all of these qualities. Sadly, yes. And then I'd want to change them, and would think about their "deal breakers" a lot.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-13-2010 08:34 AM

I think a good lover to me is someone that is attentive, respectful, inspires my confidence (makes me feel beautiful and sexy), is affectionate, and has genuine concern for my pleasure.

My boyfriend is the perfect lover (for me) because he makes me feel all of those things and MORE.

He is respectful, he makes me feel like the center of attention whether its just us or we're in a crowd of other women. It makes me feel special and beautiful that he pays more notice to what I have on than what the waitress at a restaurant or a lady in a bikini on a tv commercial. Foreplay isn't just those moments before sex, its the way you are treated all day long.

He makes me feel sexy, he flirts with me like we just met. He notices what I am wearing every single day, tells me how hot I look... tells me my hair looks pretty, tells me I smell good... Whenever I bend over I turn around to catch him checking me out. He'll give me a little pinch or spank. It inspires me to keep in shape, it inspires me to put effort into my appearance because he NOTICES it and makes it worth my while.

He takes care of himself, he keeps fit and clean. Whenever I pull his pants down I know hes going to smell fresh out the shower, any time of the day. When I nuzzle up on his chest his shirt is clean and smelling good... it makes me WANT to be close to him.

He pays attention to everything I say, it makes me feel like I matter so much when I can bring something up I said weeks ago and he knows exactly what I am talking about. When I make the slightest hint about what I want to feel -- he indulges me at the very next opportunity to do so.

My pleasure matters to him. He gives me an orgasm before sex, during sex.. and if I want more I know he will step up to the plate and give me post-sex affection and bring to as many manual/oral orgasms as my body wants. When either of us inniciate sex I know I am going to be satisfied this way or that way or both.

He shows me appreciation, after sex he always holds me tight, he tells me he loves me, he kisses me and every single experience feels like the best one yet.

**jns** · 05-13-2010 10:16 PM

BB: when you have those throbbings, why don't you call up your husband and ask him to come home to satisfy you. If he really wants you to initiate, this is what he is looking for and he should find out some way to make it happen. Mind you, not all the time but once in a while. Remind him not to speed.

Does he drive you to multiple orgasm every time? Did you orgasm a lot when you were promiscuous? Have you experienced everything sex has to offer, or are there some new exciting experiences still to be explored?