Am I going crazy?
Last week I installed some something called ispy to keep an eye on what was going on with the family computer.
I was shocked to see that my eldest daugther had been engaging in a conversation with her friend, who shall remain nameless about my yearly family luncheon. Apparantly she isn't intersted this year and just wants to sulk in her room.
Was I wrong spy on her or is she wrong for having gotten caught saying mean things behind my back? It just breaks my heart because this is a family tradition that has been passed down for years and years and I have a feeling it's probably going to end with my generation.
Last edited by sourpuss; 05-26-2010 at 09:20 AM. Reason: WH does not allow outbound links of any kind.
It's ok to keep tabs on your kids' internet usage. Going as far as reading actual conversations may be a bit over the line depending on your relationship with your kids. All kids complain about their parents to their friends. Remember that you were her ago once too.
I'm assuming she's a teenager, no? No teenager wants to hang with the fam at a big bbq so I wouldn't take it personal. Make her go and make an appearance and at least say hello. Can you allow her to invite a friend?
You know, I never thought of that. She doesn't regularly have friend over. *edit*
All kidding aside, what concerns me the most is if our traditions are going to be carried over into the next generation, but maybe if I tweaked our tradition and made the luncheon fun for kids, it'll push them in the right direction.
Last edited by sourpuss; 05-27-2010 at 08:43 AM. Reason: Are you trying to promote this software?
If she isn't interested now then she may not be interested later on. Sometimes people eventually grow out of that stuff, I doubt she would be doing it to intentionally hurt the family though. Kids, especially teenagers, just want to hang out with their friends so maybe asking her to invite her friend as sourpuss mentioned would convince your daughter to still tag along.
There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.
I think that you're getting good advice. I know that my family had "traditions" that I was dragged to during the "teen years" when it's SOO NOT COOL to enjoy spending time with the fam! But as you grow, most people, not all, but most realize that these family traditions are the fabric that make your family so unique and wonderful!
I don't think that you should read her emails, and I'm not even sure if you can tell her that you did - that is such a breach of trust - and could really mess with your relationship with her.
And to add to that, sometimes people say things they don't necessarily mean when talking to their friends, or embellish them. I'm saying that it's possible that she doesn't quite mind these BBQs, but for the sake of looking cool or like a rebel to her friend, she wanted to say that she doesn't like them.
I agree with all of the above advice... Don't take it to heart, make the BBQs more fun for teens, and no more reading her private stuff.
I agree with MesT.... How old is your daughter? If she is pre-teen/teen then it may just be a case of complaining to complain cuz that's what kids that age do. She may have been discussing things that she had planned and maybe she really does enjoy this family luncheon but to a friend saying you are hanging out with family or going to a luncheon sounds kinda lame (everything except for texting, going to the mall, watching tv, and hanging with friends is lame) but in all actuality she may really like the tradition. You can't really go by typed words on the computer cuz you have no way of knowing what context they were typed in....
I would just either ignore the chat that you saw and consider yourself lucky that you have a good daughter and she isn't having inappropriate chats with people she doesn't know, or going to sites that she shouldn't be going to. If you are concerned about her not enjoying the family tradition maybe talk to her and tell her that every family tradition gets adjusted a little when the youngest members (your daughter) turn old enough to add something to the tradition and with that allow her to add something to the tradition such as something that is done during that luncheon that she decided on (like a special game everyone plays, or a desert that is served) that will make her feel included in the tradition more than just being there and it will make it a little more special to her... not to mention it will open the floor to a conversation to find out how she really feels about the luncheon.
I have to agree that unless you have reason to think there is something dangerous or inappropriate going on you shouldn't snoop.
It wouldn't hurt at all to make a fe w modifications to the tradition in order to help make it more fun and relevant to all the generations. It is true that often the things that teens grump about, are fond memories when they get older.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I'm generally opposed to snooping. If the target finds out, they will believe (correctly) that you don't trust someone. When someone feels untrusted, I think there is more chance that they will be untrustworthy. If you have some reason to suspect she is doing something dangerous, that might be a different matter.
A parent is responsible for their child and even held accountable by the law in some cases. It's hard to know where to draw the line with children because you want to trust them and give them the space, responsibility, and privacy but yet you want to make sure they stay safe and headed in the right direction.Originally Posted by rcoreyus
I'd be willing to bet that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's parents (and all the other parents that lost children) wished they had snooped a little bit more.
There is a method to my madness ........ I just haven't found it yet.
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