Everything is about to Change...For better or Worst

**BasketCase** · 08-18-2010 12:12 AM

Hey Girl's. I feel a but like letting go of some fears here. Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

So here it is. Some of you may already know that I am getting married in December. I am really excited about it but a bit nervous. Not about the marriage but about the changes that its going to bring. My fiance is joining the Coast Guard and will begin basic training in January. Which leaves me alone here for 2 months.. I am really not looking forward to this. Then when he gets home were going to be stationed. I don't know where yet but it could be across the country. I have lived in Alabama all my life. And I am used to the southern hospitality and low cost of living and unclutered streets and all the things that come with living in the south. The furthest away I have ever been is Wisconsin and that was an accident. (me and my brother got lost on the way to Chicago once lol). I am kind of worried about picking up and starting over in a new place. I have always wanted to see the world and move away but now that it's so real it's really scary..

Also my brother comes home at the end of next month after doing about a year and a half in prison. He really is a good person and his crime did not involve hurting anyone. He just made a few bad choices that were inspired by a bad break-up and drug influence. After almost a year and a half of letters, tears, and brief visitations he's coming home only long enough to pack his things and move to Colorado with my sister. This will be a good thing for him as he will be able to start fresh and get away from all the people he really doesn't need to be around. He was charged as a minor so he will get the oportunity to really get a fresh start, but I am really really going to miss him. He was my rock for most of my life and it's just so difficult to realize that when he leaves and I leave we will all be so far apart. And my sister left about a year ago also.

Everything seems to be constantly changing and it's difficult to deal with. I am really about to be out of my comfort zone. Well in truth it's been really hard every since my brother was locked up. But I guess it's really starting to hit me hard.

Has anyone on here ever had to deal with a family member being locked away? I could really use comforting.
Also how will it be to move away to a new place. I don't know how to make new friends and start all over. Any advice girls? (and boys

**WildChild** · 08-18-2010 12:30 AM

Try to look at it as an adventure. You just may be surprised.

I've been all over the lower 48 (well, except the NE seaboard states) and personally avoid the south like the plague. Not to insult your homeplace but things are a bit different down there and I've found it a very unwelcoming place. Don't discount the possibilty that other places could be much more open and freindly than you expect. But do expect things to be a bit different.

It is scary to leave what you know and venture out into the wider world. You seem to be a perceptive and caring young woman, I have a feeling that you will find friends where ever you go.

I think your brother may find Colorado quite a change. We are a pretty active, outdoorsy state with plenty to do.

**BasketCase** · 08-18-2010 12:37 AM

He will stay iut of trouble there I am sure. He really needs this change. There really is nothing to do here and no future here for him or me. Were both trying to change our lives for the better, I just worry about change.

**Mes T** · 08-18-2010 12:45 AM

There are a lot of AMAZING places and people in this world. Unfortunately so many people tend to stay precisely where they are, their lives mirroring the lives of their parents and grandparents who also never moved or experienced anything different. I think you're being BLESSED with this opportunity. Absolutely blessed. Nothing less.

I've moved around A LOT. When I was little I moved from Russia to America, I've moved around America a lot, and after college I moved to Korea, possibly one of the least friendly places in the world, yet my experiences have always been positive.

You learn so much about the world (or your country) and yourself when you make some drastic changes, like moving.

Making friends will be very easy, with the right attitude. People make new friends at all ages... It's all about being open, honest, and kind, and people will flock to you.

I understand your bro being your rock... but there are so many other people who you could possibly have the same relationship with, if not stronger. Set out with an open mind - don't limit yourself.

**BasketCase** · 08-18-2010 12:51 AM

Thanks Mes_T and WildChild. You really are right and it's always been my dream but now that it's closer to becoming a reality I guess the fears really start to close in. I think I fear staying in this dead beat town and never making anything of myself more than anything. I just worry about my brother and I worry about my ability to blend well with other people.

**Mes T** · 08-18-2010 12:56 AM

It might not be easy at first but you'll learn everything along the way as you go - that's what (exciting) life is anyway, right? Learning as you go?

The reason I moved to Korea was precisely because I didn't want to stay in MY "dead beat town and never make anything of myself." Exactly it. And it was the best decision ever, even if I someday go back to living in the exact same town... because I will have changed on the inside.

Ever read a book called "The Alchemist"? By Paolo Coehlo (don't know if I spelled that right)? It's good, it's VERY short and written almost like for children, but it can give you a confidence boost.

I'd say don't worry too much about your brother. He has his own journey to take.

**LanaBear** · 08-18-2010 09:29 AM

I've lived all around the US. Two times, we've packed up everything and moved 3000 miles from the west coast, to the east coast and back. I've lived places in between too.

It's fun, I loved it and like WC said, it is an adventure. You get to learn about different places. It is a culture shock depending on where you go. When we moved from the west coast to the east coast, for about the first year, we were both thinking 'What did we do?' But we ended up staying for 8+ years and will never regret it.

It's hard leaving everything and everyone you know to start up somewhere new, but it's an experience, so cherish it.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-18-2010 10:26 AM

I think its awesome that you are so supportive of your brother, people make mistakes...he's paying for his in a really big, really painful way. Too many family members and friends turn their backs on someone in that low and lonely time in their life and you being there for him is making all the difference in what his attitude will be like coming out of there.

He knows he has family that loves him and his bad decisions has forced him to be apart from them and I'm sure he is going to follow the right path when he gets out. Just keep sending him your support and writing to him OFTEN... like a few days a week at least. A prisnor's day is long and lonely for most, those letters and visits are all they live for, even on a short stay.

As for the move, like WC said, see it as an adventure and you will enjoy everything about it... the ups and the downs because its living life. When you are 90 and in a nursing home remembering your life... you want to be able to be at peace with the fact that you experienced this world the best way you could... taking chances, going for it... following your heart.

You might not have friends right away... but eventually you will and when you do you will be so grateful that fate tossed that move your way or you would have never got the opportunity to make those connections with those very people. There are people out there, you haven't even met yet... that are going to make you smile, make you laugh, to broaden your horizens, make you think... make you mad... and your move is going to lead you right there to them. Its the way life works. Wherever you go, there you are. Breathe it all in, and enjoy the moments you have no matter where you are.

**BasketCase** · 08-19-2010 12:18 AM

Thank you Lana and Hopeless. Does anyone have any advice about how to bid my time for the two months I will spend away from mt husband to be. I think this is the hardest part for me.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-19-2010 01:08 AM

Do you enjoy exercise? You can throw yourself into that... it will help with your stress and make you feel like you are working toward soemthing these next 2 months. Surprise your man with a couple new abs

Take a dance class, or a cooking course... Start reading some books you've always promised yourself you'd read if you had the time. Start watching some cable mini-series dvd's... like Six feet under or True Blood... something that has several seasons, is interesting to you that you can watch an episode every couple of days (or more).

Spend time with some relatives you've never really gotten to spend a lot of time with, visiting an elderly aunt and taking her to bingo once a week or something. Look for a charity that you support and volunteer your time.

Take up writing, poems, stories, blogs..

The best thing to do is just keep busy with projects that have goals that you have to work on in order to achieve, this way you can be spending this time chipping away on those and you will feel you got a lot accomplished at the same time as him... win-win.