First Thread; Life, making changes, why am I such a pessimist?

[callieonealll]

I just made this account, so sorry if this isn't the place to post this. I was going to post it in a blog, but I can't figure out how >,<
Okay well, where to start..
My name is Callie Rose O'Neal and I am 14 years old, turning 15 in march (:
I am at a point, where I'm just beginning to realize things, and figure things out..
and I'm having urges to fix and change everyhing in my life, as I feel like it's going downhill.
I feel like I need to make changes, I'm just unsatisfied with my life.
I need to make changes in school, at home, and in myself most of all.
But everytime I try to make improvements (in my look, my grades, my relationships with people, etc.)
I just get in this mind state.. and all I can think is "Why are you even trying? You're never going to reach your goals, it's a waste. You're never going to be anything you want to be, so might as well sit back and continue watching it all fall apart like you've BEEN doing for so long."
I don't know why but I CAN'T help but have such pessimistic thoughts, and it's really tearing apart the tiny bit of self esteem I have left day by day. And my low self esteem is interfering with my social life, like, for instance, there's this boy, I really, really like.. His name is Charlie, and we might as well be twins, we listen to all the same music, do all the same things, share the same oppinions, and well we're both kinda hippies, ahaha. I can tell he likes me a lot, and I really do want to go out with him.. but.. I can't bring myself to date anybody, because I feel like.. I need to better myself first.. but, like I said above, I can't work up the positive attitude to do so..
Also, lately I've been trying to make some dietary lifestyle changes in combination with strength training and cardio.. because well, I don't think I'm fat, but I am out of shape and unhealthy, and my hips, butt and thighs are huge and out of proportion with everything else, so I want to slim those down and tone them a lot.. but during the day, I can workout, and keep up with a healthy diet.. THEN the night time comes, I'm laying in bed, trying to sleep.. then BAM late night cravings! And they seem so impossible to overcome. Those aren't even half of my problems.. I just don't know what to do, I can't get anything done it seems because.. well I have no faith in myself, and I'm not sure how to BECOME faithful and confident with myself and my many endevers to change my life.
I am still going to try keeping up with the diet and exercise, I'm trying my very hardest to stay motivated.. but it's not easy /:
Any advice, for any of it? Be it the self esteem issues, the late night cravings.. or any weight loss tips would be nice too, actually (:
Seeya<3

[ItsASecret]

Honestly, you have not even begun life. This is a time in your life when you should be naive about current things...because life is not easy. Finish high school, enjoy your young youth. Worrying about things right in the moment while you are so young will only cause more worry later on. Just take it easy for awhile.

[KMonte85]

babysteps, callie.. that's all I can say about the predicament you're in. You're being too hard on yourself..

Having goals to improve your health, social life, academics, etc is great. But you can't do it all at once, and you sure can't do it all in a short amount of time. Give yourself one goal... if it is to do better in school, then focus on a class you're having trouble with.. for example, you want to end the semester or year with a B or higher in that class... start with babysteps - on your next exam for that class, strive to get one grade higher than the last test you took. Come up with a game plan for how you will accomplish this. And if you meet your goal - spoil yourself a little bit by doing something you love as a reward. If you don't make it, figure out what can be changed so that you can acheive it next time around... and so on and so forth..

And don't punish yourself for not being where you want to be or who you want to be yet. You've got soooo much time... Just wanting to improve yourself is a great characteristic to have, not many people your age are so intuitive and reflective. It's a good thing to have self awareness, but keep it in check. No one is perfect, and it is our imperfections that make us unique, beautiful, human beings.

..So talk to that boy that you like, (heck, you said you wanted to improve your relationships with others right?) and don't feel bad about it. Because if the world had to stand still until we were all able to acheive everything we wanted for ourselves, we'd be going nowhere fast.

[rcoreyus]

What do you want your life to be like, what are the goals you want to reach. At your age, almost nothing is beyond reach.

If you want to ask a friend out on a date, do it. The worst that will happen is he will say no and you want go on a date - which is where you are already.

As far as losing weight to be healthy - my suggestion is to find some athletic activity you enjoy (running, riding you bike, whatever) and spend time doing it. Pick something you really like and you are more likely to stick with it. Being healthy is great, but don't worry about your weight for appearance - if you are healthy and happy you will be attractive.

[Beautiful Disaster]

I think you're deep, intellectual, creative, artistic.......and that you perhaps just haven't discovered you yet. Nonetheless, those things are in there and they need a release. I think those things are longing to get out and show themselves. So how can you help those traits to shine and not be stifled? Can you write, draw, sing, play music, paint, etc?

I think for someone your age to be so in tuned with yourself that you can identify your shortcomings, your areas of weakness, etc shows a tremendous sign of maturity.

So you've got some self esteem issues......I'm certain you wouldn't be able to find me someone who doesn't. But you're wise enough at your age to realize it and to WANT to work on it, and that makes you very unique and special. I wouldn't normally recommend this book to someone your age, but I think you're different and can grasp it's meaning. "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. It's all about figuring YOU out...and getting in touch with you on the inside. Truly a life changing book for me and I hope it will be for you too.

You've got this in the bag gal.... just keep writing, keep talking, keep reflecting.