Dressing for success -- you just can't win.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-07-2010 12:05 PM

I am so dismayed at not being able to find the happy medium to be considered dressed 'professionally' enough. If I wear cute office girl clothes, fitted dressed shirts, pin-striped slacks and heals... I am told I am being too provocative... no cleavage, no skin showing... yet too provocative. If I wear a dumpy baggy sweater and sneakers I am being told I am dressing too casual. I've most recently been told that even the way I wear my hair is not modest enough for the workplace. Seriously?

I felt like if i wore dress shirts and dress pants, didn't show cleavage and wore nice shoes I would be acceptable but it turns out that if anything hugs my curves... its too provocative, but if its too baggy, its considered too casual and not professional enough.

Isn't it enough that I do my job and don't have my boobs hanging out? The pressure to be dressed nice but not in anyway hinting to the fact that I have a body shape is completely stressing me out.

I've resorted to wearing scarves drapped across my chest and stomach to tone down the fact that there is shape there, but its hot and uncomfortable I am truly out of ideas of how to look nice and acceptable at the same time.

Any suggestions welcome!!!

One a side note, its always women that complain about my attire, and back when I was overweight and frumpy I'd get dirty looks from women then too... gosh why are women so hard on each other?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-07-2010 12:47 PM

I think it depends on what your profession is and secondly who is telling you?

Please tell first

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-07-2010 12:51 PM

PS: As an employer, and ex restauranter (can imagine what I wore then huh

) No one can tell you off at all, if you wear black ... It's deemed professional..

**ItsASecret** · 11-07-2010 01:11 PM

I would love to own company in later years. If I did my dress code will be if it is not professional go home and change. The last thing I will be wanting is a client walking in and seeing a pin up with 5 inch heels and boobs hanging out clearly looking for attention. HD it sounds like you did not do that, or anything wrong for that matter. The typical black skirt I think is professional (as long as it is not much above the knees), the regular dress pants what is wrong with that? A nice woman's blazer and a white blouse (buttoned up) I see nothing wrong with that. If a person is wearing something so tight that it is as though they are a size or two too small then I see a problem. But a nicely fitting suit is completely professional, key is nice fitting with again no wetsuit type skin tightness going on. Shoes...well practicality can come into play. Heels are professional, even colored ones to make the outfit pop but 5 inch bedazzled seen in a club heels no. As for hair I don't know, if it is so full of hairspray that someone who is allergic can have an asthma attack no, or if it is so doused in chemicals that if someone lit a lighter it could ignite then no. But simple curls for example no big deal it can look good. Keeping it simple is the key I think, be professional without trying to compete in a fashion show. If things get to be a bit much like boobs hanging out then words must be spoken about it. But then again this is just my opinion.

**caterpillar79** · 11-07-2010 01:49 PM

I really don't see anything wrong with the way you dress, HD. It feels to me like those women are too insecure of you, since whatever you do, you exude with beauty - no matter how hard you try to hide it.

**Teelana** · 11-07-2010 01:58 PM

I agree with Caterpillar, HD. It does sound like your co-workers are being rather rude and passing judgement on you. I don't know what profression you're in but from your description, you are taking the time to dress nicely and professionally. As long as you feel comfortable in what you wear and it protrays your professionalis (sure sounds like it) then I'd say to heck with the gossipy gals. I'm sorry you are experiencing that.

OT, I love your Caterpillar icon, Caterpillar!

**Little.Chuck** · 11-07-2010 03:24 PM

Hmm. My answer really depends on who is making the comments. If it is your co-workers, pay no attention. They are very likely jealous of you. You are very pretty. This is even more likely to be the case if they are older than you, heavier than you or less attractive than you are. If it is your boss(es), and you know 100% that what you are wearing is not 'provocative', I would take this further. Make a complaint to whoever is higher up as it is harrasment and bullying.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-07-2010 03:34 PM

Its general clerical work in a professional office, and co-workers that complained to my boss that I was dressed too provocative.. when i wear the exact same clothes that the other girls do...... not skin tight , just fitted. I have big boobs and unless I wear a potato sack ugly shirt , it shows. I make sure that I am covered and nothing tight, just fitted to me... i think what they are trying to say is that my boobs are not professional enough, basically... If a smaller breasted woman wore exactly what i wore it wouldn't be considered provocative. Its just it hurts my feelings so much trying to please women. I am so beaten down by it. Especially since I've been beaten down for being too fat and unfashionable in the past now that I've worked my butt to get in shape I still get beaten down.

Its like there is this fine line with a lot of women. You can't be too much fatter than them or they look down on you, but you better not be too much more shapely or they will look down on you too... you have to walk this line or they are just mean to you and it makes me so sad.

I cried so hard when I heard what was said, I thought the days of being judged for my body were behind me but they are not and they never will be.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-07-2010 03:43 PM

Men do not go through this junk. They just dont. If they are wearing dress pants, they are wearing dress pants. Tony in accounts payable doesn't go to the boss and say you know toms slacks are hugging his rump a bit too much today dont you think? Ugh,....