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Reply With Quote"To thine own self be true"
Trying to make other people happy will only leave you unhappy..
And congrats on getting married...
Not so holy
So I know it's been a while since I have been on. Lots of overtime and wedding plannig doesn't leave much time for forums lol. But as always I find myself in need of you lady's assistance.
Here's the deal. I am getting married december 5th.Very excited. I am an athiest (always have been so please lets not make this a holy war. lol I have no intentions of changing my mind. But I mean no offense whatsoever) I have been very open with my family about this and they are understanding as well as my close friends. However my husband to be is not so open with his family. He just leaves the issue alone. He doesn't prentend to be a christian but doesn't openly discuss his buddhist beliefs. I live by Humanist beliefs and am very proud of it. So of course we decided to have a non religious wedding. Going even as far as calling our wedding a 'Union' on the invitaions. Though no one's seemed to have caught that yet.
My bridal shower was thrown today but his Aunt. A very nice lady. Several women in his family attended. I ended up with about 10 religious cards and while I didn't mind (because I appeciated the gifts and the company) It got me thinking about this whole thing. I am afraid of the reactions when they notice the lack of religion in the ceremony. Will they notice at all? Will they react stongly to it? How should I respond when asked about it. I am not very familiar with most of them and don't want to offend anyone. But I am also unwilling to include a minister and unity candle ceremony in my wedding to suit anyone else or to avoid unpleasent questions. I live in the South where atheists are quit a minority. I usually don't inform people of my beliefs (or lack their of) unless directly asked or if I am very comfortable with someone. Mostly because if I do people tend to either get offended or try to preach to me. And even look at me differently. Any advice?
☮“I am convinced that the women of the world, united without any regard for national or racial dimensions, can become a most powerful force for international peace and brotherhood.”☮
"To thine own self be true"
Trying to make other people happy will only leave you unhappy..
And congrats on getting married...
It's not so much that I want to please anyone. I just don't want my wedding day ruined. You live in PA but AL is a whole different ball ground. People react differently to this type of thing. It's more Taboo. I am used to being discreet because it could even effect my job. But when directly asked I will not lie.
i live in PA now, but i was born and raised in NC, so i know what you're facing, im not particularly religious myself, i don't think your wedding day will be ruined, people for the most part will respect your beliefs or lack there of, and celebrate your Union...Originally Posted by BasketCase
I hope so, thank you
This is your day. Focus on that. Whether it's a faith/spiritual based day or not, it's still a day loaded with things that need to get done.
Anyone making a commitment of their love for another person, in the form of an organized event, already has their head full and need not fill it any more with the opinions/thoughts of others.
You've been clear and direct with your guests as to exactly the type of event they will be attending. If they come away feeling uncomfortable with it after it is over, it's on them, not you. They had the opportunity to accept or decline the invitation. Those that show up have accepted and do so in agreement to the way in which it was presented to them. Any reaction, feelings, emotions or opinions are theirs and theirs alone.
Focus on your day and the one you love. May everything else fall into place.
Congratulations on your union.
I would make as little a deal of it as possible. I would have my wedding, exactly how my fiance and I wanted, and deflect any unwanted comments from others. If someone asks why, respond, "this is how my husband and I wanted to celebrate our love and commitment." and leave it at that.
To me (and the dictionary, haha) marriage means: to blend together or unite inseparably. The "wedding" or "union" itself doesn't "marry" you..........your hearts do. The ceremony is simply to celebrate it. WE have added religion into that as a society, but nowhere is it a requirement.
I am a believer in God. But I'm not a believery in hypocrisy. And I tell anyone who asks me, that IF I ever get married, I want a non-denominational wedding because I do not want the "traditions" of a particular religious denomination to dictate what my wedding ceremony to the person I will spend the rest of my life with, to consist of. I believe God is non-denominational. And I believe as with many other things in todays society, we often make a mockery of what a wedding/union/ceremony should actually be.
Kudos to you for being proud of who you are and what you believe. Hopefully your fiance can get to that point in his life too. It's pure bliss.
"Be what you're looking for."
"The next time you're thinking of kicking someone when they're down, offer them your hand and help them back up instead."
There is a book that might help you to articulate your beliefs in terms that may help people to to understand that you are not the devil incarnate. It's "How to be good without God" can't remember author There is an unfortunate public perception that atheist are unethical, amoral or evil. Atheist have an ethical code of behavior as rigorous as the religious but the locus of control and responsibility resides with the individual rather than a divine entity, that is the difference.
Some famous atheist were - Linus Pauling, Thomas Edison, Richard Strauss, they contributed to humanity and their gifts are ongoing.
They don't need to have anything explained, at least not on your wedding day. I might not hurt to have some responses at your fingertips for other times but IF anyone brings it up to you on your wedding day, or any other time really, have some non sequitur's ready.
Really? Your dress is lovely.
Thank you so much for being here to share our joy
Did you get a chance to talk with (pick the worst bore you can thinlk of)? She had something she wanted to share with you?
I'm so happy with the weather.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I am not from the South but feel that a wedding should be a very personal thing. Why shouldn't it be a reflection of you and your fianc? I agree that you shouldn't have to answer to relatives, especially on your wedding day, but if you have to... why not say that you want your ceremony to be a celebration of your union as husband and wife. Church is there every Sunday.
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