Matters of the Heart
I was just thinking..
Once your heart has been given away, and broken...Will you ever have a whole heart, to give again?
And...
With each relationship, how much of you is left behind?
Just a couple thoughts, that ran through my mind today..
Before you talk about what you want ~ Be happy with what you have
Every broken heart can become whole again, with time.
And nothing is ever left behind in a relationship when it's over, you will bring from it wisdom and experience for a new relationship.
Although having a broken heart is the worst feeling in the world, it doesn't mean you are left without a whole heart to give to another person.
With time and healing of a broken heart, I believe you learn who really is right to give your whole heart.
Live Like There's No Tomorrow, Laugh Until The Pain Goes Away, And Love Like Nothing Else In The World Matters.♥.
I see your point AA, but respectfully disagree.
When I was 18 I had a GF that was THE ONE. It was just meant to be and that's all there is too it.
Now 47, I can say that though I am once again learning to piece things back together, I will never be whole. I gave her everything I had (not in the sex department, but the love department), and when things went south - she fooled around and ended up prego while I was overseas in the military; and that tore me into pieces; I have never been the same since. Oh, I've gotten better, and found some of those missing pieces, but again I will never be whole again.
Colorado
Colorado, I can understand that you feel that way but, you know if she was really the One for this lifetime, she wouldn't have done that. Can you reframe the experience for yourself? She was a big lesson and a big hurt. I'm dealing with the whole 'love of my life who isn't ready to be in my life' thing, it is painful and it has changed me.I do understand that. Over the course of a lifetime, so far, I've been physically and emotionally abused, cheated on, raped, beaten,stalked, ripped off and used and have chosen to find ways to make these things learning experiences. It's not always easy.
Who or what does it serve to allow it to taint your life and diminish the love and sharing with the woman who shares your life? You've had many years together and it sounds like the two of you have something very special. Can you search your heart and find things that you learned from your pain that have helped you create this lasting, caring relationship?
Can you find it in yourself to be grateful for that and let go of the rest? It doesn't mean what happened was OK, far from it. Nor does it mean you forget. Just that you let it go and wish her well. Who knows what drove her to act as she did and what her behavior has brought into her life - my guess is that she has made things hard for herself over and over. I'm encouraging you to this because I've suffered from the results of this kind thing repeatedly. My first husband was still in love with a woman he thought of as 'the love of his life' and I was hurt badly by his affairs. My last husband (I keep trying got to give me credit for that) was deeply bitter over his ex wife's affair, he really couldn't trust women. The man I love with all that is in me carries a load of hurt and anger over his ex wife's infidelity, it has poisoned his relationships for most of his adult life. It certainly doesn't sound like you are so very bitter and angry as that, can you find it in you to let it go?
It sounds like you area very loving man. Loving fully and joyously is another level - doesn't the woman who has shared your life all these years deserve that? Don't you? Can you see that you have allowed your feelings about this one thoughtless, confused girl to take that away from you? She hurt you then, you have continued to hurt yourself by letting it limit your joy of loving. She has let you go but you still carry her with you.
I know that I speak from a place of pain myself. I've worked hard on myself to let go of all that I have carried and reinflicted on myself but I still hurt because I keep finding men who can't let go of their hurt. They work to get a woman close and then just unload their pain on them. It certainly doesn't sound as though you have done so with your wife but haven't you both earned your joy?
I recently learned that someone who was very dear to me in my youth and who helped me heal from a deep wound, died earlier this year. He was 54 and I hadn't seen him since he was 19, But it sounded like he had lived a full and good life and it made me think, when the time comes, do I want to be looking back at my life and wishing I had let myself be happier? I used to think that at that time what I would be saying to myself,"it would have been nice to have someone special to love and to be loved by". I realized fully, finally (I hope) that I can control only one side of that. I can love and be loving and be happy and even touch joy sometimes, without having that particular someone loving me. I don't have to diminish myself because they chose to diminish themself.
We don't have to punish ourselves because one person wasn't loving.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
You know WC I see that, I realize that, I even accept that... it's just that some of the small things are gone. I used to be huggy/kissy saying silly things/doing silly things and enjoyed it with her, but after all that I have to say (in shame) that I am somewhat cold is some regards because of what occured. I fight that every day; I really do. I want to do the silly things, call each other the goofy names and such, but you know I just can't anymore - that part of me is gone - it's been stolen/lost.
We currently have a very loving relationship, but being that giddy couple walking along saying silly things, her riding piggyback down the street - it's just gone since it was taken from me. I really believe that when you give someone everything you have - and they throw it away - sometimes you can never get it back. I'm sure a great deal of it is mental, in that it may be a wall up to keep from ever feeling that hurt again, I don't know but maybe. Anyhow, I do realize this, and I do regret it every day of my life because my wife deserves and very much desires that part of me, but sometimes in some small aspects of my life, my heart is as cold as stone and black as coal. I am not proud of this and actually very much shamed in even saying it, but I don't like to lie; and I think that pretending to be this way; saying and doing the goofy things I used to, being all huggy kissy, would just be hypocritical - and that is just not me.
As I stated earlier, I have been finding the bits and pieces come along at times, and they are welcome and I find it to be good. So perhaps someday... also please don't take this as our current realtionship is loveless as it certainly is not, and we do have something very very special. I however, do contend that sometimes, when you give 100% of your heart to someone, you will never entirely find it again.
Colorado
Colorado..
I fully understand what you are saying, and I agree that it is hard to move on from a relationship where you really have given your all.
But I also agree with WC, when she asked "can you let it go?".. (I'm not personally asking you to forgive what that girl done to you.)
But the point I am trying to make is that, when you do let go of the hurt and pain and be free from it, you then are giving your heart a chance to be "whole again".
If you hold on to the pain, hurt and bad memories.. Well, your simply always going to have it.
You need to find that last piece to feel whole again, but it may mean that you have to let go of another piece in order to make room for it.
Hope that makes sense.
Live Like There's No Tomorrow, Laugh Until The Pain Goes Away, And Love Like Nothing Else In The World Matters.♥.
Makes perfect sense, but I have to say that I don't believe I have been holding onto anything. I've been speaking with WC quite a bit about this and as I told her, I don't have ANY feelings for this old GF at all, and don't even know where she is of she is still even living... really don't care. My wife is the most wonderful person ever and I love her to death. All I'm saying here is that I do believe that there are cases where once something is gone - well - its gone. I admit that its most likely a mental block or something with me and the walls that I built to keep from becoming hurt ever like that again, are tall and strong. That in my opinion is something that I need to work on, I know this and realize it quite clearly, but as one once said - easier said than done.
I think I have "let it go", I no longer hold any of the pain associated with it (heck its been almost 30 years now), but that part of me just never returned (or the walls are now impenetrable); who knows maybe someday it will return. I also agree that I do need to find the last part/last parts, if nothing else but to give my wonderful wife that which she so truly deserves of me. But again - that part of my heart I believe is dead - or at least in a deep state of coma.
I didn't mean to hyjack the thread with my issue, just mean to answer it in that I do believe sometimes humpty dumpt can't be put back together; by offering my experience as an example... Anyhow, just my 2 cents and who knows - I've been wrong many times in my life and this could certainly be another.
Colorado
Well I'm just happy to hear that you have moved on.. You've married a wonderful woman who you truely love and you are happy.
And from reading about how you speak about your wife.. To me it sounds as if, slowly and day by day your wife has been breaking down those walls, even if you don't realise it
I hope some day you yourself can feel whole hearted again, and feel truely in love again, like you did before. But only to realise that this time, it is with The One.
Live Like There's No Tomorrow, Laugh Until The Pain Goes Away, And Love Like Nothing Else In The World Matters.♥.
Thanks AA, and all who have provided me with encouragement... Much obliged.
Again, I didn't mean to hyjack the thread - and I'm also interested in finding out how everyone else feels about the initial question posted by JustHormonious; so anyone else have an opinion on whether or not a broken heart is able to be mended? What do you think?
I've given my thoughts but I'm sure she is also wanting to hear how everyone else feels about it...???Originally Posted by JustHormonious
Colorado
To be thrown away, trodden on, dis-respected, when your heart is pure is the worse type of betrayal of two human beings, one where you cement it in your mind, question, over again, and never get closure...of that pain, yet, you can let it go but often we three quarters, let it go, allowing the doubt, thought, non-closure to remain somewhat in the back of our mind...
All "painful" situations in our life remain a part of that life, but the closure is simple, in the knowing that we did what we were meant to do, we gave, un-conditionally and loved... It is when two people do this, it is soulful, when one only does it, it is painful and in that knowing you simply have to smile in the knowing that you did what you were meant to do, and they were lost souls without hearts... Still finding...
Aunt Agony is correct in my way of thinking... Life is about lessons and we should learn by them, and not make the same mistake twice.... The outside, the smile, the laughter the beauty is often what people look at and fall in love... But, the inside, inner person, core values, is the one that is what we should be looking for, it's the people without that warmth, that hurt us in life ..Once your heart has been given away, and broken...Will you ever have a whole heart, to give again?
And...
With each relationship, how much of you is left behind?
Every relationship was worth experiencing, our hearts need to be told, never stop, keep loving until the right person who appreciates it, accepts, it comes along....
Only if you dwell on the negative sides or are lonely and haven't found what your looking for, do you feel that you've left something behind.. The only thing you should feel you've left behind, is a piece of your good, in hope they will actually learn from what you gave them, one day in their life
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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