Do you listen when a guy says he doesn't want to ever get married?

**Amber** · 11-28-2010 01:54 PM

Last night I went on a first date with a guy. And he is a type to discuss heavy stuff. So a topic that came up that I sort of ignored at the time but now I wonder. You can say, well that is not first date material, but it came out.

A friend of mine once told me that you should forget about the destination and just enjoy the journey. And I agree that is a good saying to go by. But in the long run I do want to get married. I'm in my mid 30's. And I tell guys that right now I'm just looking to see how things go and for eventually a serious relationship. I'm not looking for a ring right now. And that is true. But what I guess I fail to mention is that down that long road, I do want that ring.

If I heard him right, the guy last night said he can't see himself ever getting married. He is in his mid 40's. And my question to you is do I just go on a second date and forget about that for the moment, thinking down the road he may change his mind? After all it was way too heavy talk for a first date. Or should I listen to what he had said and get rid of him for that comment because I do want marriage one day. I wonder if thinking like that is just way too premature or should I listen to exactly what he is saying. Because otherwise you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Or maybe I should ask him if he was completely serious on not seeing himself ever getting married?

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-28-2010 02:16 PM

If he's mid 40's and never been married -- there is a very good chance he means exactly what he says. But what I would be curious about is if he would ever consider being in a serious but non-married long term relationship. And if so to ask yourself if you could be happy without the dress and the party and the ring, if you had the man you loved committed to you, just without the peice of paper.

To me, I think if what you want is a loving committed partner in life... marriage isn't the only way to have that. But if marriage is a deal breaker for you...then I wouldn't invest any further. But if he can see himself being serious and loyal to one person if he meets the right one... and you feel like love and happiness can be had and maintained without wedding bands ... then why not date him and see where it leads.

**WildChild** · 11-28-2010 03:33 PM

You should assume that if he said it he meant it.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-28-2010 03:49 PM

A man's perspective....

Like the lovely ladies above....If he said it he meant it. If he said it and didn't mean then that's on him and someone of your quality and character should be long gone!

**LanaBear** · 11-28-2010 06:58 PM

I'm not sure why you wouldn't listen to it... Especially if it is not the same as what you are looking for. I mean, if he says he'll never ever marry, if you want to be married, why would you even waste you time, even if you are not looking to be serious right now. Same things goes for the children question too... If he didn't and I did, I again wouldn't waste my time, accidents happen and that kind of accident would not be good with that kind of person. I know that is kind of off topic, but I think they just kind of go hand in hand.

**SidneyAlive** · 11-28-2010 11:28 PM

Hmmm, he's in his mid 40s and telling you on the first date he never wants to get married, well theres a good bet he means it, if you see a ring in your future you should cut this relationship short..

**caterpillar79** · 11-29-2010 12:10 AM

Believe what he says, let his actions confirm it. Meanwhile, say "next..."

**Amber** · 11-29-2010 02:45 PM

To be honest, I wasn't sure that I heard him right. I think that is what makes me hesitate some. I knew this guy was one for serious conversations but he started out not serious at all. So when he dropped that one on me, it caught me by surprise. I wasn't sure that is what he said but I'm almost sure, this is what he said. That he couldn't see himself ever getting married. I guess the reason why I asked if I should take him serious is I wonder if someone says that but if they meet the right person, they may feel differently later on. But since he is in his 40's, that may say he is set in his ways.

**lizzardb63** · 11-29-2010 02:51 PM

I dated someone for 4 years who said right away they didnt wanna get married. Believe him. You'll end up wasting your time if it isn't what you want.

**rcoreyus** · 11-29-2010 04:40 PM

I would assume he meant what he said - and if that is how he feels, it was very proper of him to let you know early in the relationship.

Do remember though that finding a future husband isn't the only point of dating, and it is not "wasting your time", if you both enjoy your time together. I think you are still fairly young, so you are likely to date several men before you get married. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your time with him while remembering that it isn't forever.