Would it bother a guy to know a girl's prior boyfriend?

**Amber** · 11-30-2010 08:04 PM

This is probably a question just for the men but if you ladies have any way to comment on it, feel free.

This was brought to my attention by a guy today and I want to see how many agree with this.

If the guy who asked you out knew who your ex-boyfriend was, would he consider you differently? Are the statements below true?

If the ex-boyfriend had broken it off with you, the new guy wonders what's wrong with you, especially if he doesn't have a good opinion of the ex-boyfriend. Especially on the first few dates with you.

The thought is either:

"I am better than him, but yet he broke up with her. There must really be something wrong with her for someone as low as him to end things with her"; or

"I am worse than him, but she isn't good enough for him, so she will be happy to have me and do whatever I want".

And if the girl broke it off with her ex-boyfriend, then the thought might be:

"I am better than him, so she will be happy to have me and do whatever I want"; or

"I am worse than him, she must really be picky!"

But I'm told that if a guy who you are dating hasn't met the ex-boyfriend, then even if it is an issue who broke it off, it isn't usually a big one.

Comments on this please. I was shocked when I heard this, that men may actually think this way!!!

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-30-2010 09:08 PM

No men I know think this way, nor do they talk about the size of their unit, nor do they talk about how hard they banged away at their SO last night, or of the other "urban myths" that seem to be floating around.

Unless they are totally off their rocker with being pompous and arrogant, most men I know feel a bit like you do on the first couple of dates....nervous, full of anticipation, hope the date(s) go or gos well, etc.

Honestly, if the guy you're dating, whether it's the first or the tenth date, feels this way, he's an idiot.

Women shouldn't date idiots.

**Texasred** · 11-30-2010 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by Amber

...If the guy who asked you out knew who your ex-boyfriend was, would he consider you differently? Are the statements below true?

If the ex-boyfriend had broken it off with you, the new guy wonders what's wrong with you, especially if he doesn't have a good opinion of the ex-boyfriend. Especially on the first few dates with you.

The thought is either:

"I am better than him, but yet he broke up with her. There must really be something wrong with her for someone as low as him to end things with her"; or

"I am worse than him, but she isn't good enough for him, so she will be happy to have me and do whatever I want".

And if the girl broke it off with her ex-boyfriend, then the thought might be:

"I am better than him, so she will be happy to have me and do whatever I want"; or

"I am worse than him, she must really be picky!"

But I'm told that if a guy who you are dating hasn't met the ex-boyfriend, then even if it is an issue who broke it off, it isn't usually a big one.

Comments on this please. I was shocked when I heard this, that men may actually think this way!!!

MEN don't think that way: it would never cross my mind.
I have dated a woman whose ex-boyfriend I've known, and iirc my thought was, "He's a fool to have let her go!"

**Texinator** · 12-01-2010 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by Amber

"I am better than him, but yet he broke up with her. There must really be something wrong with her for someone as low as him to end things with her"

If anything, him breaking up with her would just reinforce my belief that there is something wrong with him. But in reality, I really don't care who broke up with whom and why.

**KMonte85** · 12-01-2010 08:03 AM

Coming from a small town, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY where I live. So you have dated anyone from the area, there is almost a 100% chance that your next boyfriend or girlfriend will know the ex, or know someone who knows the ex.

I admittedly dated a few toads before meeting my first boyfriend... and many of those guys knew my boyfriend before I did, were even aquantances. My bf doesn't think any less of me for some of the guys I dated before him, he doesn't care about them, he doesn't care if he was better or worse than them... pretty sure the thought never crossed his mind. We even run into old ex's sometimes, probably on a weekly basis... heck, a few years back my bf helped fix one of my ex's trucks when it broke. The point is, an secure MAN will not care about your ex, will not think any less of you or have any negative reaction towards you for men that were in you life before him. Because they don't matter. I obviously know nothing about the guy who told you this, but I can deduce one thing - he isn't mature, nor secure in his self.

And for what its worth, I couldnt' care any less about my boyfriend's ex either. She was out of the picture before I was in it and so she doesn't matter.

**Texinator** · 12-01-2010 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by KMonte85

he isn't mature, nor secure in his self.

It certainly comes across likes that. Half those statements are backward, the other half don't make any sense at all, and at the end of the day, none of that really matters, because what an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is like shouldn't matter.

**Texinator** · 12-01-2010 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by Amber

"I am better than him, but yet he broke up with her. There must really be something wrong with her for someone as low as him to end things with her";

It's not always about good/bad but very often simply about compatibility issues. Then again, him breaking up with her might simply be a sign that there's something wrong with him.

Originally Posted by Amber

"I am worse than him, but she isn't good enough for him, so she will be happy to have me and do whatever I want".

I think I have lots to offer, so unless she wants to date Mr. Universe or someone with a six- or seven-figure income, or she's just completely OCD about her status as a "professional" and wants to be with someone who has wet dreams about career goals, I'm not going to think that I'm worse than someone. In fact, even if those are the things she wants, I'm not going to think I'm worse than her ex, but just rather less compatible with her than he was. In which case... why am I dating her in the first place?

Oh, and I don't want to date someone who will do whatever I want. That's not being compatible, that's being a pushover. I prefer a woman with a spine.

Originally Posted by Amber

"I am better than him, so she will be happy to have me and do whatever I want"

Insecure bull. See above.

Originally Posted by Amber

"I am worse than him, she must really be picky!"

Again about the better/worse thing. And what's wrong if she is picky? As long as she's not picky to the point of being unrealistic, that's not such a bad thing. If she's got low standards and is easily willing to settle, that indicates some self-confidence issues. Again, I prefer a woman with a spine.

**GoodGuy** · 04-19-2011 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice

No men I know think this way, nor do they talk about the size of their unit, nor do they talk about how hard they banged away at their SO last night, or of the other "urban myths" that seem to be floating around.

Whoa....just because none of the men you know express these things to you, don't go assuming that they're somehow based in mythos.

I've heard no END of nauseatingly detailed stories from men to other men in locker rooms my whole adult life. Even things that no one should EVER say out loud about their wife/girlfriend. I would give examples if you like, but that's past where we need to go.

Consider a locker room like a scene from Conan, without the etiquette.

LOL

ALSO, while men are freaked out by "unit size" (this is a continually reported issue by pyschotherapists), I've never heard them brag about their own sizes more than a few times. I ***HAVE*** heard them freaked out by the size of their SO's ex, which I totally understand. LOL...

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-20-2011 08:41 AM

Let me see, I played organized hockey for thirty one years, four years at the collegiate level and several years at the senior men's level. Have, quite literally, been in thousands of locker rooms and never once heard a real man speak this way.

Immature, insecure boys in men's bodies perhaps but never heard a man talk like that, especially about someone he cared about.

Perhaps I have "selective listening"... and yet we wonder why we have so many problems in our society. Amazing!