Am I wrong?

**chaya** · 12-10-2010 04:38 AM

This weekend my sister-in-law and her daughter will be staying with us. My husband wants to invite his partner to dinner Saturday. I told him I would rather he didn't invite him. He asked me why, I didn't want to tell him the truth, so I just said I would be too tired for more company. I don't think he believed me but he let it drop.

On my wedding day, November 27, his partner and my sister disappeared for 12 hours. Both him and my sister said they just went to the beach and hung out. I believed my sister but since then, in an email she admitted that they they had gone to his apartment and went to bed together. She said she only lied to me because she didn't want to get him in trouble. My sister is 17 and he is 22. I just don't want to face his partner at this time and I don't want to tell him the truth about what happened.

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-10-2010 05:42 AM

You need to do both...and soon. Otherwise, this is just going to fester inside of you and continue to bug you.

Nip it in the bud, by addressing it, before it gets blown out of proportion.

Face it, he's an adult, she's almost an adult (legally speaking) and they are gonna do what they want to. All you can do as the big sister is advise her to protect herself from potential diseases and unwanted pregnancy. That's it.

So address it, in an adult non-angry manner, then let it go.

**Amber** · 12-10-2010 06:15 AM

It obviously has to be your final decision but I would also say you should tell your husband. You did nothing wrong so it is not like you should be nervous or afraid for any reason. Tell your husband what happened. If you are afraid of his reaction, maybe hold back how you feel about it, until you hear what he has to say. He may not see it as a big deal or he may get really mad. But either way, it is not going away, and it will just eat you alive. Besides, it is not a good way to start your marriage with your husband by keeping stuff from him. It is not something you would want him to do to you and he may get mad at you down the road if you keep it from him. Why, just because you kept it from him. Trust your husband. I would tell him.

**WildChild** · 12-10-2010 06:44 AM

You need to be honest. I think you had shared before that the partner didn't know her age? Personally I think it was a bit inappropriate of them to be disappearing on the wedding party so to speak but not a big deal. Obviously it bothers you and you should share that. Your husband and his partner have to depend on each other and back each other up, the man will be part of your lives in some way for some time to come. You need to get this resolved.

I understand that your sister is young (but then in my eyes so is 22) but it isn't like this man seduced and deflowered her, she knew what she was doing and hopefully they enjoyed each other's company. You might tell your husband that you are a bit bothered with both their behaviors and that as a new bride with so much to adjust to, you know you may be being a little sensitive right now. You are enjoying the company of his sister and your niece and would like to just concentrate on that for the weekend.

**Olympia** · 12-10-2010 10:07 AM

I feel as the other posters..
Communication is so...... important! And your feelings on the subject at hand, need addressed, not buried. Honesty and being true to you and the other parties involved.
Holding back and lack of communication will only lead to more of the same. And as another poster stated, will most likely, build up and cause future issues and problems.
IMO, when communication is lacking, disrespect and doubt enter the picture. Neither is healthy for a relationship. What you feel and how you feel, is important.. To you and your mate. (and vise-versa)

**Beautiful Disaster** · 12-10-2010 11:00 AM

So they disappeared for 12 hours, slept together, and haven't talked or dated since???

You can't control who your sis sleeps with anymore than she can control who you sleep with. I'd say there's a good chance your husband already knows this........especially if this guy is his partner. He's gone through a bad breakup, goes to a wedding, meets a young woman, they are obviously attracted to each other, then they disappear for 12 hours together...... yeah..I'm pretty sure he's told SOMEONE about this little rendezvu.

Hubby may know and is not telling you in fear it would upset you. Maybe that's why he wants to invite him...because he knows she'll be there and they obviously liked each other. He's your husband, talk to him about it.

**chaya** · 12-10-2010 01:14 PM

Since you all think I should have told him, I must have been wrong not to.

I'm still at school, this is his day off and I'll tell him as soon as I get home. I was up most of the night last night, trying to get my glucose under control but I was worried about this too. I'm going through a bad time with my diabetes. I call it the roller coaster, glucose goes high, I inject a correction, then it goes low, I eat a snack; etc.

**chaya** · 12-10-2010 03:21 PM

I started to tell my husband about my sister, he stopped me and said he already knew about it. His partner had told him, he was just waiting for the right moment to tell me. We compared what we knew and the stories were the same.

His partner will be coming over to dinner Saturday, he wants to apologize to me. I should be the one to apologize to him, it was my sister that seduced him.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-10-2010 03:41 PM

He wants to apologise to you, because it was your wedding night, it takes two to tango and he feels guilt that they disapeared on an important event.

You don't have to apologise for your sisters actions, or feel guilt, your husband and him, both know you are you and she is she...