Brother-In-Law Dying of Cancer.. Children from Previous Marrage Could Care Less

**ityitybity** · 01-11-2011 09:28 AM

Brother-in-law dying of cancer. Children from previous marriage will not visit. or pay their respects. will call father from time to time. When their Papa died one grandaughter visited once in 15years. After numerous attempts the grandparents gave up. 1 grandaughter visits and had contact with father and grandparents,. I believe they are into themselves. I told the 1 daughter how saddened I was of what was hapening. She got upset with me said It was none of my business. I'm seeing a man die without his children and they are too busy wrapped up themselves. The postings on FB are about praying for him. They cannot be bothered. Am I wrong for wanting him to see his children before he passes. His wife thinks its a shame, but does not say nothing. I could not resist I had to tell their older sister When their grandfather died, they came to visit. The gandfather said you cannot see me when I 'm living don't come see me when I'm dying. Am I wrong? They are christians too.

**kristalyn_04** · 01-11-2011 12:03 PM

Might there be a reason why they don't want to see their father? Did something happen in the past to cause any grudge or resentment? Even if that were the case, it still probably wouldn't be an excuse (depending on the situation), I'm just trying to figure out if there might be a deeper reason why they are avoiding seeing their dying father. I can't imagine not wanting to spend time with a dying family member... even if I was incredibly busy I would make time, there's nothing in this world that could be more important than that. Either there is something else going on here, or their hearts are extremely dark and cold.

**ityitybity** · 01-11-2011 12:54 PM

The mother re-married shortly after the divorce... Married her sister's husband (Nice). My brother-in-law was filled with grief. I don't think he talked or visited like he should. I wont condone his behavior. It was like out of sight out of mind. The divorce really threw him for a loop. The children have called there step father Dad. Another reason he stayed away. What I'm so concerned about is why the attitude, when I want something good for her father. She visits and calls her grandmother and father weekly. She even takes care of her grandmother. She will not get involved with her sipplings to encourage them to do the right thing. Maybe because of her mom. I don't understand the attitude. I'm very upset with her now... I have never had a discreament with her, but I don't understand this behaviorl. She said I was starting trouble. I did tell her I did not think her siblings were christians. I'm tired of people saying they are christians, but never stand up to the plate. Its discusting. Not sure what I'm going to say when I see her next time. I'm very upset with her for not even trying.

**pretzel** · 01-11-2011 01:05 PM

I don't think you're wrong for wanting his children to be with him more during what time he has left. I would probably want the same.

But in this case, I think I agree with Kristalyn until we hear otherwise. It seems there are a few pieces missing from his past and his relationship with his ex wife that has left some scars on his kids. What they are and how severe may cause me to change my mind, but right now, I can't really tell.

**ityitybity** · 01-11-2011 05:50 PM

It's like they could give a ........... My father always had me when my parents divorce, but my sister who is a christian too, could have cared less. She could not see the big picture. She is not a christian. Far from it. She never steps up to the plate to help my mom, she only gives opinions. I could go on and on. These kids don't want to be bother that's my opinion. I don't undrstand why she got upset and said it was none of my buisness. She could not understand when my father was dying after 15years sent his other grandaughter home. Why, because he had not talk to her in 15years. she had a baby and they never got to know their great grandchild. In the end he said "IF YOU CAN SEE ME WHEN i'M LIVING i DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU WHEN i'M DYING"... He sent her home. Was I wrong for insisting? Why am I still mad. I think because its not important to them. Someone is dying, their father... Who gave them life and they can't even be bothered. Christians my butt. Was I meddling.... and stirring up stuff as she quoted??

**LanaBear** · 01-11-2011 06:01 PM

It's a hard situation...

To be honest, when my father is on his death bed, no, I will not waste my time to go visit him. Nothing anybody wants or does will change my mind on that. Is it because I am to into myself, wrapped up in my own life or too busy to be bothered? No. It is because he doesn't deserve me or my family in his life. End of story.

Are you wrong for wanting your brother-in-law to see his children before he passes? No, you are not. But you also cannot force someone to do something that they do not want to do. It has nothing to do with religion, christian or otherwise. It is their choice, you have to let them make that choice. If you keep pushing the issue, then yes, you are probably meddling and stirring up stuff.

There are two sides to every story, what you may be so easily able to forgive in his behavior, for one reason or another, his children are not.

Leave it be.

**BabyGirl** · 01-11-2011 07:21 PM

Ityitybity,

My Grandmother was a very Wise Woman.. And she once told ( more like taught ) me
somethings when I was young and just did not Understand as I was Young..

That Was Simply

You cannot choose your Family but you can chose your Friends

Another was that ...

You Cannot Make Anyone Love You. Love is Given out of Respect and Desire to have you in their Lives.

Another was, and this seemed Harsh..

" I May Love You, But sometimes I don't Like You "
( what you do or how you behave)