Thread: Stand by your man.......

Originally Posted by Little_Miss_Me

One of my last posts here I was looking for advice on if I should date this guy because of how his friends were acting. Reading it, I gave a perfect view of my situation, but once everyone suggested I walk away -- I realized I didn't want to walk away. I wanted to give it a shot. So I do think it has to do with people coming for advice and not really knowing which way to go until they see the ultimatum staring them in the face. The entire time they're on a forked road, and it isn't until someone says GO LEFT that they reconsider everything about the right path.

I had much more severe cases in mind when I wrote the OP, I know a lot are unsure when they post... I am talking more so on the ones that post that okay... this guy has cheated on me 12 times, kicks the dog, eats up all the kids fruit loops, wont help around the house or work, ignores and only talks to me to call me a fat cow... and I am about sick of it...

Then posters come in... yeah, you deserve better... etc...

Then some come back in and are like you know it wasn't even 12 times, it was only 6, and while he kickedd the dog it wasn't so hard and well, the kids don't care much for fruitloops anyway... and I can stand to lose a few pounds... those of you telling me to leave this guy, well... you just don't know him he's a really good man!

End scene.

Yeah HD I noticed the trend. It's one of a few reasons I haven't been posting much. While I like helping people I get tired of the whining. I deal with it enough IRL. I'm glad people find help here but sometimes I read one of these threads (if I can get through the bad spelling and grammar), roll my eyes and move on. It's better than posting what I really think most of the time .

It is an interesting thing to ponder, HD. This thread has given me much thought as to the "why", and "how" it can be changed.

It is one of the very reasons that domestic violence in the US has grown to the level it has, and why it has been so very difficult to get good laws in place. Ask almost any police officer, they deal with this scenario in real life almost daily. They get that call that a woman has been hit and has called 911. She's hurt, angry, crying, etc. But when she sees the cops come and the reality of the situation sets in, she so often says "I don't want to press charges". Could it be because she knows even if she presses charges he's not going to stay in jail, and therefore may hurt her again? Yes, in some cases that's definitely the case. But it's also the case that she, though KNOWING what he's doing to her is wrong, can't stand the thought of being alone.....so she begins to justify it to herself..."well if I had've just done what he told me instead of talking back"....etc. In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder. Some of these women did leave...and were tracked down stalked and murdered by their ex. But alot of these women didn't leave....they justified the abuse, hoped it would get better, and stayed.

Obviously those are extreme cases. But I think it all points back to, low self worth, low self esteem, AND the societal pressures to be paired with a mate (domesticated) etc. For some, the idea of being alone is unthinkable. Not only would they be lonely, but then they'd have to explain to all their couple friends why they had no mate. Also, after being a relationship that drags you down, your self esteem is even lower than it was in the beginning, making it even harder for you to fathom starting over. "I'll never be able to find someone again" etc. I think we've all been there....the ones that post about it are the brave ones IMO. I have been guilty at times of NOT posting things before just to save face...because once it's written, I cannot take it back. I've learned that sometimes even when it seems like someone is backtracking and not listening to advice they are given and know to be true.......they do often absorb it, they do hear it, and eventually they make the right decision.