Sometimes I wonder...
...if a lot of us women are guilty of always looking for reasons to leave a perfectly good relationship, subconciously and conciously sabatoging things, pressing buttons, seeing how far we can push before he caves and tells us to get lost...
Always looking to catch them in a lie, some going so far as snooping around... almost as if on a hunt for the 'UH HUH... YOU are sooo busted I'm out of here' moment. Talking to friends, 'girl if he ever ever does this or that -- I am SO gone'.
I think sometimes we fail to see the beauty of what we have by constantly peeking over our shoulder to catch whatever impending doom may be around the corner before it actually happens... so... that what? So that we can head for the hills before he does? Is that what is?
Are we so afraid of being left, so afraid of being cheated on or made fool of that we will sit on the edge of our seat waiting for the other shoe to drop rather than just bask in the sunshine of the love we have in that moment?
Why do we always go digging for trouble when there isn't any one the surface? Men RARELY do this... if we are happy, they are happy... they don't look at us and go 'hmmm she says she's happy, but I wonder what she reallllllllly means !!!!'
Whyyy do so many of us do this? lol
Last edited by Hopeless Dork; 03-11-2011 at 11:41 PM.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Very good question. I think it stems from insecurities. But you're absolutely right. Both men and women should be content and happy in those relationships that are happy. I have often found women trying to "test me". It used to bug me, but now that I'm wiser,it just goes over my head. Or I make a joke of it. Also, when a man says he loves you ladies, then guess what, he actually loves you. Men may not say as much as you ladies but when they say something they mean it !!
I think that when we look for such signs and wait for "proof" we already have doubts, negative feelings, worries that make us look for such "proof" in order to confirm our feelings with facts, and leave, or complain, or just be proven right. There's no perfect relationship, there are always temporary problems worth trying to solve. But if there's trust, understanding and patience they'll be solved and we won't need to look for proof, as we'll feel secure we're not being "tricked". If the man we're with is unable to provide us with emotional and mental security and stability we'll only keep looking for factual proof to leave him. If it happens too often then the relationship is far from perfect in the first place.
There are men who behave like this as well, but I do think it all has to do with what the partner we're with brings out in us, be it men or women. Some will never make us jealous, others cause it due to their own insecurities, some will never be jealous while others will be overtaken by jealousy and not believe a word we say. It's all about being compatible with the one we're with in as many levels as possible.
Simply put, you don't believe that it is real...
And in that you try to destroy...
To test...
And, in that, often you loose...
I remember in 2008 an exact same thread...
We have to understand who we are, they are just a person, a person.. Yet we once we know who we are are, not only a person but on a journey and know what we are after and in that, it fits like a glove...
Whether they cheat, leave, hate our in-security walks, until we can be happy with us, we won't be ever able to just be ourselves and them themselves...and so find what we want.
I am at that place...
I hope others find it.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
OMG HD!
I am in love with the person that you write about.
There is a book that I read, Stop Walking On Eggshells by Kreger That is specifically written for a certain disorder that a friend recommended to me and it's been a big help.
Your thread gave me chills...because it hit so close to home....
I think it has to do partially with environment. Women are exposed to countless liars, cheaters, dbags, and disrespectful egocentric men around them so it is incorporated to some degree into their thinking. It is only a natural response to raise and eyebrow and look over the shoulder from time to time based entirely on "it has happened before to other relationships". Should it be an automatic reason to look around, question, or prod...no, but the fact that it has happened in seemingly good relationships before or maybe in the past of that woman means that it cannot be ignored.
There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.
I was, same thing. It was great, so he sabotoged it. Interestingly when we first met in a fit of introspection he told me that he had a history of sabotoging relationships.Then was like he set out to prove it. He flat out admitted that it was good - great - too good. WT??? You can't really counter that. What? Turn into a betch then they DO have reason to leave? It is setting up a no win deal. As we keep saying, you can't make someone change. You can change how you respond, you can talk to them rationally and point out what they are doing but you cannot Make them act differently and when faced with this, at some point, all you can do to save yourself is leave.Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
It is probably a part of socialization and a security reflex related to nesting. It is not just about love relationships, but also about friendships. The lack of trust and insecurity can destroy many relationships.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
...
Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
Patrick Henry
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