Not how I define a "MAN"

**SaharaJim** · 04-10-2011 05:36 PM

As some of you are already familiar with; I don't respect my soon-to-be son in law. I reguard him as a moocher. I was discussing this with a Court Monitor and she has two daughters roughly the same age as my step-daughter and she is equally incensed that their "boyfriends" have the same lackadasical attitude towards emplyment. And her daughters, like my step-daughter, seeem to be "OK" with this

My daughter points out that my wife earns considerably less than I do and it isn't any kind of "issue" for me. From my perspective...this is fine- I ...as her husband...am EXPECTED to support her and our family. That she also works means we have "extras" but it isn't "expected". These 20something women don't seem bothered that their fiancees and boyfriends seem to be content with the role of "house-husband"

Have the roles of the sexes changed that much

Is this now acceptable? Even the norm? Are young men today so enthralled by the concept of "equality of the sexes" that they are willing to simply abrogate their role of MEN? I feel really lost here.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-10-2011 05:55 PM

Certainly life has changed as we know it, as we, as woman can be very highly paid..

Therefore if children are in the equation and a woman is career minded, she is not at all going to mind the man being the stay at home Mom...She gets to climb the ladder and do what she does best, what she loves most.

It's not ego any more or morals or what is right or wrong in the eyes of the say, oldern days, it is more about choices and what fits, suits, both parties that will make them both happy and consequently the relationship work better

**Mes T** · 04-10-2011 05:58 PM

As a 20-something woman myself I can say this:

It's expected of a person to go out and earn a living, man or woman. When children are involved the situation is... definitely more in the grey area, but I won't get into that now.

In your situation we have a lazy son-in-law who is physically and mentally able to go and get a job... he just won't do it. He's a mooch.

No it's not acceptable in today's society for a person to be a mooch for no reason, regardless of gender.

It's also more and more common for women to be self-dependent, earning their own wages, etc. If you were my partner and described my wages as "extra" cash, like you just described your wife's, I'd be horribly offended to be honest.

And this is a big generational difference...

Today it's not really the man's "role" to take care of himself and his partner. However it IS a "human being's" role to get out there and contribute to society and earn a living.

Your situation is not about gender, it's about one person being unmotivated and lazy!

Your daugher (and your friend's daughters) are okay with their men being like this because they are in love and are seeing the situation through rose-tinted glasses. One day the reality will catch up with them.

**Mes T** · 04-10-2011 06:00 PM

I agree with CW, as she said, that when children are involved it's really up to the parents as to how they take care of them and who stays at home if day-care is not an option. Definitely okay for a man to be a stay-home dad if that works for the couple.

My boyfriend has hinted that that's what he'd want to do, were we to have kids, and I think that's great as I'm career-oriented myself.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-10-2011 06:28 PM

Oh and I agree with Mes, if he is purely a moocher, and you can bring home the bacon woman, then I can guarantee that he isn't knowledgeable either of woman and how they think and she is perhaps in-secure and "thinks" he's the bee all and end all and can never find better, and is going with the flow, because she "thinks" she is in love.

My version was based on today's age

My fiance earns way more than me, now....But watch me over the 12 months I am on a mission and will quadripple what he earns

But, yey, that is because we want a future, I want a future, no debts and we have goals and if I as a Real Estate Agent can go for it and we live our dream so be it.

**jns** · 04-10-2011 06:46 PM

Originally Posted by SaharaJim

These 20something women don't seem bothered that their fiancees and boyfriends seem to be content with the role of "house-husband"

Have the roles of the sexes changed that much

Is this now acceptable?

Its a good thing you put quotes around house-husband because he will most likely be none of that. First you have to ask: where was his training as a house-husband. Some people pick up cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids on their own, but most are taught these skills by a parent. Did that ever happen? I would say not. So he is going to be the reluctant doer of such tasks? The tasks will most probably not be done to your daughter's standards. So instead he will be a kept man. He may get very good at drinking beer, watching TV and being disgusting. And he will hone his skills at keeping his place secure, such as being able to talk very smoothly. I have actually seen such a situation in another country. The question was always why can't these lazy bums get off of their duffs and do something? And they used physical force at times to enforce their franchise by beating up then making up. But the idea of having a house-husband has been something pushed in society by TV and the like for quite some time.

**WildChild** · 04-10-2011 06:51 PM

Being a stay at home parent can be a full time 24/7 job. Being a lazy-A wouldn't qualify. Our generation was raised with pretty clear gender roles. As a woman has crossed those lines in her work I don't see a problem with breaking that down but being lazy knows no gender and is not an attractive feature in either.

**jns** · 04-10-2011 07:38 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Being a stay at home parent can be a full time 24/7 job. Being a lazy-A wouldn't qualify. Our generation was raised with pretty clear gender roles. As a woman has crossed those lines in her work I don't see a problem with breaking that down but being lazy knows no gender and is not an attractive feature in either.

I was taught how to cook by my mother and can do it fairly well if motivated. Good skills for a bachelor and most guys will be bachelors for a while. I always make the entire spread for Thanksgiving. I helped my mother with an 8 1/2 year younger sister and a 12 year younger brother and have occasionally babysat in my 30s and 40s so I can do that although full time would take some work. Cleaning is a series of tasks that I don't generally enjoy. I will do them when I feel it is necessary. Most people would do them sooner. Its probably good that I am not a house-husband. I am stating this, because I am of the same generation as WC, so some of us were somewhat cross-trained on the guy side.

**Texinator** · 04-11-2011 06:18 AM

I wouldn't see a problem with it if he were a stay at home father, taking care of both the kids and the household. I don't believe that is purely the woman's duty. However, you know he isn't going to take care of the household or anything like that; in his case, it's just about being lazy.

**KMonte85** · 04-11-2011 07:21 AM

Gender roles have definitely evolved. Women now have more opportunities to be self reliant, and many of us 20-something women are chomping at the bit to get out there and do something with ourselves career-wise that is oitside of the home. Does that mean that we are more prone to allowing lazybum boyfriends into our lives? Nahhh... I think women who are in a position that their spouse could stay home and take care of the household are more accepting to that concept, sure. "House-husband" isn't such an insult anymore, but it also isn't an excuse to be lazy. What your step-daughter has is not a house-husband. He doesn't take care of the kids, house, chores, errands, and cleaning from what you're written about him. He isn't working his tail off to keep the household in working order. So really, he's just a mooch.