Wearing white to a wedding?

**KMonte85** · 04-21-2011 09:21 AM

Specifically - who gets to wear white on the big wedding day. I have always thought that the bride is the only person at the wedding who should be wearing all white. I've made it a point to NOT wear white at any wedding I've ever attending, unless it was white shoes or a white detail in an otherwise colored dress.

Here's my dilemma. Mom wants to wear an ivory dress as her MOB dress in my wedding. My dress is ivory. We're having a pretty traditional wedding, and this just rubs me the wrong way... I think she'll come off as trying to steal my sunshine, even though I know she's not. But it just kind of looks that way, you know? It's one of those "faux pas" that most people recognize...

Also, I really think the family photographs of the wedding will end up looking weird. Daughter/bride, standing next to Mother/MOB - in the same exact color... just doesn't look right in my mind and I really REALLY care about the family pictures because we don't have any (the photog and photo package is taking up 25% of my wedding budget - that's how important the pictures are to me)..

So here's my question - am I being all "bridezilla" if I tell my mom I would really prefer that she wear ANY color other than white or ivory? And if you all think it is okay to ask that she not wear white - what is the best way to tell your own mom "NO WAY"...

**BabyGirl** · 04-21-2011 10:33 AM

As MOB at my eldest daughters Wedding, I didn't want to wear White, or go out of her Color scheme , which was Burgundy & Hunter green. I also didn't want to wear the Burgundy that the Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids were wearing.

Again I didn't want to be Flamboyant or clash with or stand out on my own.
It was a Summer Wedding at A Rose Garden, so I tried to keep with the floral theme.
So I opted for a floral patterned dress that had her color scheme included in it.

I don't think I stood out and we all were happy with the photo's. Though in this photo, in reflection, I probably should have let the Maid of Honor , my youngest daughter, stand between the Bride & myself. It may have balanced out a bit better. Then again with the trees in the background, My youngest might have Blended in the darkness too much.

It is Your Day to Shine and it's best to Simply ask your Mother to wear something that is Not White, Off White or Ivory. Maybe she can wear a Pastel Shade of your Color Scheme or even a Floral, like I did.

Let her know Now, so she can have time to Shop for something you feel is appropiate and something she will feel good in ..

**KMonte85** · 04-21-2011 11:16 AM

Thanks a lot BG! I think your picture is lovely and you wore a great dress! Flattering, in your daughter's color scheme, and even with the hints of white, it is a beautiful dress and doesn't look in any way clashing with your daughter's wedding gown! Lovely picture, thank you for sharing!

And thank you for validating how I feel. It seems so silly, and I absolutely do NOT want to dictate what anyone wears. I feel SOOOO awkward basically telling my own mother what she's allowed to wear. I love her dearly, I don't want to come off as disrespectful and I don't want to be one of those self absorbed bridezillas either. But I think her long ivory satin gown with beading and lace, is a tad TOO close to my long ivory satin wedding gown with beading and lace. I think there will be whispers about her message with that dress (not that it should matter, but I'm ashamed to say it does to me)... and I think our wedding photographs that I will cherish forever will not look as lovely as they could have...

I have an email written up now that I'm just working up the courage to send. I've told her I don't want to tell her what to wear, but I would really prefer if she said away from white and ivory hues. Any other color in the rainbow is fine, but just to please reserve the white gown for me.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-21-2011 11:25 AM

The attire of the wedding party.

NO guest should dress in a manner that will outshine the bride or groom. Whatever the color/shade, the outfit should in no way distract from the bride's or her attendants' dresses.

The above is considered proper etiquette in today's society and should resolve any issues with anyone.

Should you have any other etiquette related questions, please let me know and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

**KMonte85** · 04-21-2011 11:41 AM

yaknow Seeker, I thought this was common knowledge.. and I know my mom knows the etiquette.. she's been in and to enough weddings. I really don't know why she decided, after 60 some years, that her daughter's wedding was the one to break the "rules" in.

We aren't really traditional and I'm doing a few off the wall type things, but this is just one of those traditions that it bugs me to break. But it also bugs me that it bugs me at all. Does that even make sense?

**BabyGirl** · 04-21-2011 12:02 PM

Aww Thanks Kmonte. It was just a Long summery dress I picked up at Ross for like $25. I just had this thing about Looking the MOB in a Two Piece Suit Jacket and Skirt .. * Shudders *

And OMG, Her Fathers Girlfriend ( calling herself the 2nd Mom Of Bride ) She wore the most Flamboyant mostly Lime Green and Peacock Blue, Sideways and swirled patterned " Rainbow" dress... Boy did she Stand Out .. Lol
Actually one of our Guests, my Daughters Friend, asked who the Peacock Was ???? Lmao

You can also just ask your mom to try on her dress, and then just ask if she has Gained weight ? Innocent look and if she says No, you can always say " maybe it's the Dress , You look lovely, but a bit Washed out and it adds about 20 lbs to your Nice Figure " Lol

**SaharaJim** · 04-21-2011 01:27 PM

I had an aunt who was extremely vain. She was "the pretty" one of the family and the youngest of eleven children. My mother detested her and threatened topull her "blond hair out by it's black roots". At her daughter's wedding; the Mother of the groom wore a simple conservative BLACK dress like it was a funeral

; the contrast was my dear aunt who wore a frilly full creme white dress. All day she would run up to her daughter and say " Don't we look like sisters?"

. ...In case you were wondering why half my family needs to be in therapy

I really would pull mom aside and ask her if she is really aware how this will look.

**KMonte85** · 04-21-2011 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by BabyGirl

And OMG, Her Fathers Girlfriend ( calling herself the 2nd Mom Of Bride ) She wore the most Flamboyant mostly Lime Green and Peacock Blue, Sideways and swirled patterned " Rainbow" dress... Boy did she Stand Out .. Lol
Actually one of our Guests, my Daughters Friend, asked who the Peacock Was ???? Lmao

That right there is exactly what I am trying to save Mom from! The snickers and comments. I know if she shows up in a long ivory gown with all the frills people will be asking what her motivation is... if she's trying to make some sort of snide point, or take away from the bride's day, or is attention seeking in some way? Knowing my mom, that's not her intent at all, but etiquette rules make it so that is how her wearing white will come off.

I sent the message already... I just told her as politely as possible that I don't want to tell her what to wear, she will look lovely in anything, but that I would very much appreciate if she would leave the white hues for me alone on my and my husband's special day. I said she would look great in lilac (her favorite color and a lighter color of the lapis the gals standing up are wearing), but it is really her decision. Just please please PLEASE refrain from wearing white/ivory.

No response yet.

I'm just so self-conscious that I'm being a self-absorbed brat about all this. I am pretty much the "un-bride" in that I'm very laid back about the planning and other details, but this has rattled me into thinking I'm turning into one of those crazy heffers they have on those reality TV shows! Chancing hurting my mom's feelings just so I can be the only one wearing white? Kind of a skeevy thing to do and I'm still not exactly proud of myself for asking her not to.