Funny Sex Stories

**kristalyn_04** · 06-21-2011 01:21 PM

Do you have any? I'll share one.

Several years ago, when I first started having sex with my *then* boyfriend, I wasn't on BC yet so we were using condoms. We were going at it pretty heavily for a while, I was on top and said my legs were getting tired. So he said "Ok, well why don't you give me a BJ then?" When he pulled out, the condom wasn't there. We were very puzzled... where could it have gone? He reached in with a finger and briefly felt around, he didn't feel it in there. I know the condom was on him because I put it on myself before we started. I got scared, but proceeded with the BJ anyway since I knew he would complain about not getting off.

The next morning I got up to pee, condom falls out of me. WT...??? It was all scrunched up, somehow it must have slipped off of him and got shoved way up in me and got lost in there. I was very confuzzled at the time, but everything turned out ok so now I look back on it and laugh.

**FortunsFoole** · 06-21-2011 02:03 PM

Haha... what a lovely morning surprise!

Mine is sorta strange. I'll preface it with I think it's pretty hilarious now, I was just mortified at the time.

Just after sex my partner and I were talking, he made some joke and I laughed.... and queefed at the same time. He started cracking up and I started crying because I was so embarrassed about it(had misconceptions about queefing being related to being loose-->undesirable-->gross-->etc.) So because he was laughing at me, being such a shy person, I started actually sobbing a bit, the sobs made me queef more, which made me cry harder and queef more.

It was extremely embarrassing at the time. Luckily he was quick and kind enough to explain why it was so funny and that there was nothing wrong with me, or the fact that it happened.

**Ruthy** · 06-21-2011 10:19 PM

Lol Have you ever had a bruise on your vagina? not just on your vagina, but the front part in the clitoral region. I have lol.

I guess my boyfriend miss aimd and rammed right into me. Oh boy did that hurt. The next day there was a nice shiner down there. And the funny part was I had a phyical in two days. I was so embarressed when she asked me if that was a bruise with the most puzzled look on her face.

It funny now, but at the time it was horrible

**kristalyn_04** · 06-21-2011 10:21 PM

Ouch, Ruthy that sounds painful...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-22-2011 07:22 AM

Ruthy, that happened to me, except I got slammed into in the "soft" spot between the vaginal opening and anus. (That sounded very professional, but I didn't know how else to say it!). I've told this story before but yes, it was beyond painful. I instantly started bleeding, curled up in the fetal position and sobbed. I had black and blue bruising for a week. WHEW!

On a funnier note, my ex (the same one as above)wanted to surprise me on valentines day. Of all ways to do so....he decided he'd wear special valentines underwear. But not some sexy boxers or something. He wore a pair of silk briefs that were red with hearts all over them. But they looked like a diaper cover you'd see on a baby. Nothing sexy about them at all. Lol. When I get tickled about something, I can hardly contain myself. It was all I could do when he walked in not to burst out in laughter.

But then karma got me...... and I bought a nice little lingerie outfit with the stockings and garter. I walked out of the room to go put it on, and realized that I couldn't figure out how to get the garter attached to the stockings. The stupid things just wouldn't work! lol. So, I'm dancing through the house (while he awaits in the bedroom), sweating, calling a girlfriend leaving a voicemail "How DO I DO THIS!?!", and finally I just gave up and realized I was going to have to go in there with them undone.

He didn't mind.

But we sure got a laugh out of it.

**Seeker_Advice** · 06-22-2011 07:34 AM

"Soft spot" = Perineum

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-22-2011 07:36 AM

"Soft spot" = Perineum

I thought so, but didn't have time to google it and didn't want to embarrass myself with the wrong word! lol I'm great at using the wrong word that starts with the same letter. Like "He hit me right in the prostate". Or "he hit me right in the primer". Better safe than sorry. Lol!!! Thank you.

**stariana** · 06-22-2011 09:34 AM

when my bf and i started our relationship, we were both recently divorced and had craved intimacy, so needless to say, when we got busy, it was very, very exciting. one evening, he was down on me and i was squirming all over the place. i guess his eyes were closed at the time, and i squirmed so much, i went backwards, and slid headfirst off the bed and ended up nearly under the bed on the floor - he was like, "hey, where'd she go!?!"

**Texinator** · 06-22-2011 10:57 AM

Probably not the funniest, but... once, when I was going to work on an "all you can eat buffet" between my then-girlfriend's legs, she started squirming and bucking enough to where I got smacked really hard right in the lip. I was lucky that I didn't bite my tongue or get nailed in the nose. She was really embarrassed at first, but then she thought I was a dork for being proud of getting her to move around like that, and we ended up having a laugh about it.

**BabyGirl** · 06-22-2011 11:56 AM

Many Many Many Moons ago...

I and a b/f if you could call it then in the early 70's. Took a trip south to San Fran. We had decided we were going to be Not too Public but Daring.

So first we Did it on the South side of the Golden Gate , had a lil in the Bunkers on the North side * SF'ers will know this area.*

Then decided to walk the bridge and find a place to ' Get Frisky again " . Of course we found an alcove in one of the bridge major supports. And seeming away from traffic, but daring enough to have passer byes possibly see us ..

Here we are, me against the wall , lifted on his and me spidered on the walls of the area, him with the trench coat to cover our actions,and it's just plain Windy on the Bridge .. so it just looked like making out .

And I feel a Push from my backside. Then a harder Push. It was the person that does the maintenance for the Bridge. trying to get out of the door in the Alcove
that we were ummmmm making out on ..

Who knew that in those Support Columns , were Doors and Stairs to get up to paint and repair the Bridge ?

Me Now , Lol.

And I studied that bridge for years and sometimes think, If I only had a Key to that door, Would I or Could I ?

Oh and they have camera's for Jumpers now .

hehehe .
Thankfully they didn't have Cameras back then.