Is it spying?
My sister from Hawaii is here for a visit. When she got her I set up her iPhone to access our wi-fi, at the same time I configured it so I could locate it with the "find my iPhone" app and PC program. I told her about it and she didn't object.
This morning I was tracking her (her iPhone) on my computer. My husband saw the map on the screen and asked me what I was looking up. I told him I was tracking my sister and she had been in the same apartment building since last night. He immediately got mad at me and said I was invading her privacy and told me to stop. I stopped tracking her but I've been thinking about it all afternoon. I don't think I was spying on her, I was just worried about her. She's home now, I can't decide if I should tell her I had tracked her.
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
Well, put yourself into her shoes how would you feel?
She's 18, and your not her Mother
Sorry totally agree with your husband, it is an invasion of privacy and personally I would be really upset...
(edit) sorry you had a question.
Personally I would not tell her and I would not do it again........
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
If she knew you were going to track her, then I don't see any problem. If you tracked her without her knowledge, then it might be considered spying. I think that there is always a gray area. Accidentally finding something is OK. "Accidentally on purpose" isn't. We are all human, so I don't expect people to resist obvious temptations. If you leave a file on your desktop labeled "hot_night_with_my_secret_ninja_lover.doc", I really can't blame someone from opening it. That is VERY different from digging though directories, or searching for anything juicy on someone's computer.
You said before you are responsible for her, I assume she didn't tell you she was going to be out? Or where she was?
She knew you *could* track her, even gave her permission for you to be able to. If I were you, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. I wouldn't call it a big deal. Maybe remind her that you CAN do it and ask her if it's okay that you do it in the future?
Your husband seems to seriously waver about whether you're responsible for her actions or not. While this is an improvement on having a hissy fit and not talking to you or sleeping in your marital bed, he seems to have gone to another extreme. While a marriage certainly isn't about "winning," you can't seem to win with him!
PS, in the event that she loses her iPhone somewhere, you can use the same application to find it, so don't remove it from your computer!
Last edited by Little; 07-14-2011 at 06:05 PM. Reason: add PS
made one wish for a permanent kiss that would echo through these bones like arsenic
Women are female (adj,) but not females (n.) We aren't dogs.
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I see Little's arguement there...
Did she understand what you meant by "tracking?" ie) just to locate her phone if it went missing or her if she went missing for too long a period of time.
In retrospect, it sounds as if she didn't inform you that she wasn't coming home which therefore, gave you concern and the natural instinct is to see if you can locate her, however, I'm wondering why you didn't call her to see where she was and if she was alright?
I however, do agree with Little that the responsibility of her actions on your husband's behalf seems to be yes, then no, then yes, and in this instance, no....
I guess I am thinking if I was her, I would be saying "why didn't you call me then?" - or "text me", if you were worried, why track me? Was that the intention when you set it up?
You need to be prepared for those statements because it's possible she may think that way....
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I really wouldn't make a big deal of it (your husband seems to be making it a bigger deal than it needs to be, but doesn't mean you have to). Just don't do it again unless you have sound reason to, that's all. No need to tell your sister about it, just leave it at that.
I have younger siblings chaya, my little brother who is 19 means the whole world to me, and yes I am overprotective of him. But that doesn't give me reason to "snoop" on him, he is a legal adult. If I was worried about him for whatever reason, I would attempt to get in touch with him before doing anything else. In the event that I couldn't reach him and I had reason to believe something was wrong, then and ONLY THEN would I resort to tracking his phone or anything personally invasive.
Same should apply to you and your sister. I know she's family, she's staying with you and you worry easily, but remember that she is also her own person, an adult entitled to make her own decisions. Unless you have real reason to worry (if you think she might be in danger), then I would just leave her be and let her do her own thing.
How can you see where you're going if you spend your whole life looking over your shoulder? –Naughty Ninja
I should have added that she called me last night and told me she had met a guy and would be home late. She got home about noon today (very late). I tracked her last night to find out where she was. I did it again this morning because I was wondering if she had left there yet.
I'm not sure if she understood that I could track her anywhere she went. I'm not going to tell her I tracked her.
I think my husband was upset that I was tracking her, not because I was feeling responsibility for her actions.
She will be going back to Hawaii on the 23rd because she has to register for school.
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
So before she leaves I should fix her phone so I can't track her because I might be tempted to track her after she gets back to Hawaii. The tracking system works any place in the world as long as the phone is near a cell tower.Originally Posted by kristalyn04
Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
She is an adult. You are not her mother, she will be growing up very quickly from here on out and there is nothing you can do about it (I mean that in a literal way not a mean tone way). You can express your concern for her, absolutely nothing wrong with that, but you need to realize that she will be out and about on the town with people because she is now an adult and responsible for her own actions. Have the app merely for what it was intended for, finding the phone should it go missing.
There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.
Let me get this straight.
Your husband was angry with you and blamed you because your sister went off with his partner and spent the night.
Now he is mad at you for invading her privacy and trying to keep track of where she is?
So what is it you are supposed to be doing?
DO have a serious talk with her about one night stands. Meeting men and just going home with them can be deadly. She may be "of age' but she is young and lacks maturity of judgment and experience. Just imagine what it would be like to have to call your parents and tell them something has happened to your sister. She needs to understand that while she is in your home she follows your rules and your rules are that she is home every night. At least with the partner you knew who she was with.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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