Resentment

**ccraig42** · 07-18-2011 12:45 AM

While planning this wedding, a lot of things have been bothering me.

1. My "step father" who is actually my younger sister and baby brother's father was going to be the one to walk me down the aisle. However, for the past few years he's been in and out of rehab. It seems this time he's actually serious, and he won't be out for awhile. He's the one that actually raised me and made me into a daddy's girl and I miss him like crazy...

2. My sperm donor. He's smoked crack while I was at his house, and he's used me and neglected me while paying my brother all the attention. I decided to invite him to the dinner where we announced our engagement and asked him to walk me down the aisle. He has since asked me for rides and hasn't contacted me for anything else. I'm done feeling guilty for cutting him off when all he does is hurt me! Is this wrong?

3. My mother. My baby brother playes baseball, and I understand this. She has been focusing on his games and his team recently participated in a huge tournament in Cooperstown, NY. She told me that after they got back, his baseball would be over and she could focus her time on helping me with the wedding. Now, she is spending her weekends working. I asked her to come with me to look at dresses next weekend, and she told me she's too busy. My wedding is 3 months away! I don't have much time to put off looking at dresses so I decided to go without her on Tuesday. I feel guilty about this, but I also belive I have a right to.

**rcoreyus** · 07-18-2011 02:36 PM

Just my $.02. I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on the wedding rather than on the marriage. I've seen a number of cases where efforts to plan a wedding lead to serious stress for the family and the couple. The often huge expenses for what is often a not very fun day for anyone cause a lot of regret.

My suggestion would be to keep it as simple and inexpensive as possible. My wife and I were married in a public park, food was brought from a local deli. There were maybe 20 close friends invited. The whole thing took about 3 days to plan and cost less than $300. Everyone had a good time. We've been married 25 years now, and while some parts of our relationship are far from perfect, we still are very much in love, and neither of us has ever regretted having a simple wedding. We spend more on the honeymoon and enjoyed that.

**Seeker_Advice** · 07-20-2011 09:16 AM

Resentment is the poison that eats away at us, while doing nothing to those who we allowed to cause it.

"Flip a switch" decide today to get over your resentment. Only you are being poisoned by it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-20-2011 04:09 PM

I agree with the above posters.

You know you can postpone the wedding so that your Step Father does walk you down the isle.

I wouldn't ask the sperm donor - you really want a happy wedding not someone whom you really don't like in any event.

Your Mother has to support her son through this, it's important to him and his future, a wedding is "the day" but also you can go and look at dresses, try them on with someone with you, take photos and go and visit your Mum for coffee and show her and see what she thinks and likes and still enjoy and celebrate things.

Obsticles will always be in the way you have to look outside the square and work out how to jump them.

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