Help the homeless - or not

**chaya** · 09-10-2011 03:37 PM

This morning I went shopping for clothes to wear to school. I went alone because hubby don't like to go to women's clothing stores.

When I came out of Ross and was walking to my car there was a homeless guy with a sign that said "no food in 2 days". I stopped and gave him some money. When I got home I told my husband about it and he got real mad at me. He said I could have gotten mugged, robbed or worse. He asked me to promise that I would never do that again when i was alone. I refused to promise and told him it was my nature to help others so I couldn't promise. He is still a little mad at me.

He still don't understand me, I don't think he should have got mad, he should have been happy that I cared enough to help someone that needed help. Am I wrong ?

**Mes T** · 09-10-2011 03:44 PM

Giving money to the homeless... is a difficult subject. Yes we should help people in need, but do we do it by giving them our loose change? Or would it be more productive to take that person by the hand and lead them to a rehab center, or a shelter, etc? Or... give them actual food instead of money? It's a very debatable issue and there are no easy answers.

I think your husband was more worried that this man would have attacked you, because you are a small woman and were alone, possibly appearing vulnerable. There are a lot of "predators" out there. Sounds like he was just worried for you... I don't think this had anything to do with the morality of helping a fellow human or not.

Sounds like you and your husband quite often have misunderstandings. It's important to try to discuss things calmly rather than fight and then try to seek answers from strangers, you know?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-10-2011 04:10 PM

You know Chaya he is not saying "don't give" he is saying "don't do it when you are alone" he is a Police Man he is wary and cautious of what goes on out there and he is right in that regard..

Homeless is tricky, I worked for a couple of years helping the homeless (street kids) here in Adelaide. A lesson I will remember for the rest of my life and a rewarding one, but there are cons as well in life everywhere.

How do you know that this guy isn't on welfare and does this to raise a further $50 a day it happens.

How do you know that this guy doesn't have a bad streak in him, and given the chance, some small, petite young girl on her own hands him money, no one is around and so he decides to mug her and get all her money and run?

Your husband is being protective there is nothing at all wrong with giving but absolutely, you have to be very, very, careful.

**jns** · 09-10-2011 05:43 PM

There are plenty of stories about women children and even men being pulled into a van in similar circumstances. If you want to help out the homeless, it may be better to give to a non-profit that runs a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Your husband is right to be wary and looking after your safety. It's much safer if there are others nearby. If you have to go to your car and there is someone scary around, go back into the store and ask the checker for some help to your car. You might want to consider carrying a spray deterrent such as pepper spray. Learn how to use it effectively. If not that, take courses in self defense. If you were in a more enlightened state (not California) I would say to go for a concealed carry permit.

**Seeker_Advice** · 09-11-2011 09:44 AM

In theory, we all want to help the homeless don't we, but how?

Using Chaya's example as my example...Ask the gentleman, from a safe distance, what type of food he enjoys and then provide him with a meal.

Just giving them money, seems to be in most cases, like dumping gas on a fire.

Unfortunately, thinking about our personal safety must remain our top priority.

**chaya** · 09-11-2011 11:30 AM

I realize there is some risk involved in giving help to homeless people on the street. Everything I do has some risk, I don't let that stop me from living my life according to my beliefs. My husband is just being protective but the way he expresses his concern hurts my feelings. He even said that he can't trust me to go shopping alone. I shouldn't have told him about yesterdays incident, then he wouldn't be worried and I wouldn't be upset.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-11-2011 02:31 PM

There is being protective, and there is being "obsessive" in that protection..To say you don't "trust" is something I would try to nip in the bud straight away. Trust is one of the most important component to any relationship in life, without it, there is no relationship.

I appreciate you are a risk taker, so I am, I appreciate you are a giver so am I, but you have to also be astute, wary and in the knowing that there are evil people out there in this World, you can't walk around being nieve or you put yourself in the line of danger.

Certainly, he has to communicate his thoughts in a better fashion, why can't you both sit down and nut it out, it sounds as if you hear but you will do what you want, when maybe you should hear and compromise because he has some valid points in his thoughts and so do you..

**BabyGirl** · 09-11-2011 05:55 PM

Chaya Hun.
You are refreshing, Loveable and a Joy with your ,being a bit Naive and Shy and Innocent.
*Then other times you seem more Adventurous with trying new things, wanting to kiss that man in Hawaii while still a Newlywed and actualy going on that Retreat.

*And some times a bit Confusing to me, as to which woman you are ?
Or are you in Transition ,a blend from the Old you to the What you want become when mature You ?

On the Homeless,

Honey it is so Admirable to want to help. I have helped, Many have helped that are on this site.

My Opinion is Your Hubby is Right in his worries about you, he may be wrong in some of his words or use of them.

He is a Cop, He see's and Deals with, Dead, Missing, Abused,Raped, Traumatized, Drunken, Drugged,Kids and Adults all the time. He has more experience than you in the " Real World ".

I am sure when he Heard " Wife went up to Stranger, Homeless Man " He envisioned the worst that could happen.. And I am sure he reacted with Love and Fear.
His asking you to Promise not to do THAT again , is not Unreasonable. I believe he was asking you not to be alone shopping and go towards any Strange Men or any Homeless People .

Your NOT Promising not to do *THAT *again is a Rift between you two, now he has said he cannot Trust you to shop alone , is a Reaction I could Understand Easily as Protective and Caring .

What he is asking is that you be Cautious, all the time of what Can happen in certain Circumstances . Not be Afraid, not live in a Hole, but Be Aware, have the Intelligence to Know that what you Do , Could Lead to something you don't want done.

What you are Inadvertently..
Doing, by not " promising " or at least agreeing with him, that you will not be alone and Approach or hand Money to Strange People in Parking Lots ".

Is that you are taking his Mind of His Job to Protect and to Serve.
Seriously, if he is out doing his job and his mind is " Wife went to Store, is she Safe or Handing Money Out in Parking lot "..

He will not be Alert and on his best Himself, he may not save a life or avoid his taken.
Your Husbands Mind and Skills need to be at Work when at work !!

And then he also needs his Home Time, with You.

So Kiss and Make Up !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chaya.

What would you say to your Littlest Sister, the one with the broken ankle/ leg ? that the other sis that took her.to the Stairway .

Would you say " Do That again " or would you give her the lesson Learned/ Been there " Lecture ?

The Sister that came to Cali, slept with your Hubby's Partner ( under age ) last year . Then another Visit this Summer, they found each other again, You worried, Hot Tubs, No Calls and her Respecting You and Hubby's New home.

Share your Knowledge. And your Love .

**sallyskellington** · 09-12-2011 09:50 AM

I wouldn't help them but that's me I'm an and hate people.

**ska1331** · 09-12-2011 12:34 PM

It seems that its your husband's nature to be protective, given his choice of proffession. I don't think he means to be controlling, just protecting you. I can understand wanting to help, but sometimes we must choose to protect ourselves. I often give food to homeless people, but will not give money directly to them. I personnally have been homeless before and know what a comfort it is to eat yet money can be a delema. If you like there are shelters and such that you can donate to. It may sound strange to most, but a new clean pair of socks is a wonderful gift to have when homeless. You can make gifts of money, food and clothing to shelters and they always appreciate it and you get the joy of helping those in need.

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