Thread: Finances

I'm sorry if there's another thread like this already (to be honest, I didn't look hard lol).

At any rate, I know that financial issues are a major problem for a lot of people, especially in relationships. I thought that perhaps a thread where we could discuss what we have had work (and why), and what doesn't work (and why), as well as solutions, general advice, and a place to ask questions.

I'm 24 and am married to my second husband. When I was 17 I met my ex, and the idea of debt was "it's normal, everyone has it, just make sure you can afford the payments...." I've since changed my ways. My ex left me with about 20k in debt. In the last 3 years I have paid it all down, and am now working on my husbands debt.

My ex and I were basically of the mindset that all that mattered was the monthly payment, because, everyone has debt. Since we split, I've changed my ways, and my husband and I have agreed to get rid of all of our debt. The one exception being a potential future mortgage, but we'll have at least 20% down on a property we plan on living at for at least 10 years, with a 15 year mortgage (paid down as quickly as possible). Since he's in the military, this may not even happen for another 15 years, giving us ample time to save up for a good home.

I am "in charge" of the finances. By that, I mean that I handle the budget, allowances, payment plans, new purchases, etc. However, my husband is always involved in these decisions. We talk openly about money, and did so before we got married as well to make sure we were mostly on the same page. We did have some issues right after we got married. He went from single soldier with no bills and tons of disposable income, to married and not getting his full paycheck (go Army!...), and having lots of bills.

I don't like debt. Since realizing just how much interest gets paid out, and the fact that once you start with debt, unless you halt and dig out, you'll likely be in debt for most of your life. Not the way I want to live.

I've been following the advice given by Dave Ramsey. Reading his books and listening to his show has changed my view on how I live my life. My husband and I are now more successful because we constantly talk about finances, and make all decisions together. Our finances are also joint. No "mine and yours" just "ours." We each get an allowance to spend as we please, and we both agreed on the amounts before he deployed. We have an emergency fund, so when something catastrophic happens that we can't cash flow (or the government threatens to not pay us), we don't have to stress and argue about it. Aside from the initial adjustment, money has never caused fighting between us. We're on the same page, with the same goals, and I think that has really made quite the difference.

What works in your family? How do you handle financial problems? Do you have joint finances, or do you live more as roommates? What have you learned to not do with finances?

One of the things I learned to not do (the hard way, more than once), was to not loan out money. If I have the money, and agree with why it's needed, I've been known to give money, or pay bills, or buy food, for my friends. I do it out of love, and never expect to be paid back. This has kept from there ever being any hard feelings between friends, it makes me happy to help, and I actually get paid back more often than not as opposed to when I loaned the money out and then never saw the friend (or the money) again.

I've come a long way with my finances too. Though my parents taught me the paper-envelope strategy (which I believe Ramsey uses too,) I strayed in college when I had a lump payout at the beginning of each semester to "live on." I got a credit card, which got a bit out of hand when I paid for a trip to France on it >.< Boo.
While I was still in college, I could pay off the card all at once when I got my refund checks, but I knew that wouldn't last forever. I moved in with my husband soon after I graduated, and he had a lot of debt too - a lot of delinquent debt! So we focused on getting one thing paid off at a time. The smallest things first. We're still working on it, since he got laid off at the beginning of this year and we had a baby, things were tight for a month or two. We had the credit cards all paid off but then had to use them and buy a newer car for his new job (lots of traveling.)
We've had a joint account since way before we were married. I do the budgeting, bill paying, etc. He doesn't know how much money we have in the account at any given time, but we always have enough wiggle room for us to do the things we want - eat out occasionally, for example. Nothing extravagant. No big-screen TV's or new gaming systems So while we don't have an "allowance" for ourselves per se, things still work out.