finding it really hard to cope...

**leahbia_83008** · 12-14-2011 08:06 PM

after being diagnosed with endometriosis in sept. of this year, i've been having a really hard coping with the fact this disease is living in my body & effecting my every day life. after my lap and the removal of my adhesions (i am a stage II sufferer) i started to have some pain relief, but over the past two or three months the pain has returned and my mental well-being has began to spiral out of control. i am constantly anxious & depressed and it has been really hard for me to focus on what is truly important to me. my doctor put me on 40 mg's of prozac and 20 mg's of zoloft to help control my emotions, but it only does so much for me.

my biggest fear in life is not being able to have a family of my own. i have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years now & we do plan on having children one day. he is a kind, caring, loving man with a big heart who is an absolutely amazing uncle to his niece and nephew, and i know he will make a great father. it breaks my heart thinking that could all be taken away from me in the blink of an eye... it's all i think about anymore.

when i'm not dwelling on my pain while at work or out with my boyfriend, i am on the internet researching my symptoms to the point i have become obsessed. if i have an ache or a pain, i google it. it is my new best friend. & the more i research, the more depressed i become. i have tried to stop but my pain is not easy to ignore & i search for any positive articles or studies i can find to put my mind at ease.

i have spoke with my doctor on several occasions and he is confident it is too early for the endo to return, but i just don't know. i have heard of instances where it began growing back in as little as 2 weeks after a lap procedure. the last 3 times i have been in to see him i was diagnosed with an infection (yeast, bacterial, yeast) & he believes that could be the cause of my pain. but even after the rounds of antifungals and antibiotics, the pain always returns.

ever since i was a little girl, i suffered from irregular periods. as crazy as it sounds, i always felt detatched from my lower abdomen, almost as if it didn't belong to me.i did not like anything touch it or rubbing up against it, it made me feel super uncomfortable & anxious. then when i was diagnosed with endo, it all started to make sense. it's as if i knew all along there was something wrong "down there". i think knew for a long time i had endo although i was ruled off by 2 different doctors before being properly diagnosed.

if i could have at least one of my own children, i would be happy. that's all i've ever wanted my whole life is to have a family. & now that i found the right man and there is more of a probable chance of that happening, my depression and anxiety has been effecting me more & more. i feel so alone in this, although i know there are MANY women who suffer from this disease, some who have families and others that don't.

what's a girl to do...?

:'(

**BabyGirl** · 12-15-2011 06:44 AM

Sorry to hear about your pain Leah .

I almost passed this Post as it's in the Lounge and I usually think of the Lounge as Fun & Games time ( for me ) here on WH.

Maybe it's possible for you to ask to have it moved to Sexual or General Health ? I'm sure there are tons of People, that either are, Know of someone, or wondering if they have Endo, that will get more Reads and Responses.

Good Luck & try to Smile thru it. Maybe research a Support group too. Of Course Stay here also

**stariana** · 12-15-2011 08:53 AM

what's a girl to do . . . . awww, first off, be grateful that it was diagnosed, and treated. second, STOP OBSESSING (i know, easier said than done!), but while you are focused on the pain, the symptoms, and the fear, you are reminding yourself of all the negative, and staying kind of "stuck" there. so of course, your body will follow. the mind is a very powerful thing. i am speaking from experience sweetie. i was diagnosed in 1991 with endo, had two laps, and ALSO had two, healthy, strapping baby boys (1994, 1996). don't let the fear of what COULD happen take away from the life you should be enjoying NOW. live in the present. you can't predict what may come, but worrying about it is ruining right now. and all the worry in the world isn't going to stop the endo from returning. the stress you are putting on your shoulders may even create more problems for you. all you can do is focus on how to find inner peace every day, and enjoy each moment as it happens. i was told once that worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair . . . gives you some thing to do, but doesn't get you anywhere. . . : )

**lizzardb63** · 12-15-2011 10:51 AM

My friend has endo and so does her twin sister, they've both had 2 children each. Take a deep breath, worrying is not going to change the situation anyway. Try to focus on your loved ones, and the things you enjoy doing. Having children is no impossible when you have endo.

**Aeryn Sun** · 12-15-2011 11:39 AM

What's a girl to do...?

First, understand that a lot of women with endo DO have children. Endo does NOT guarantee infertility. From the stats that I have read, 60-70% of women with endo ARE fertile. That is great!

At your local hospital, there may be an Endo support group, which may help you connect with people with the same thoughts and feelings on this.

Second, You need the ability to take care of the stress! Stress itself can cause so many issues with your body. Your hypothalamus regulates both stress responses as well as sex hormones. Increased stress can mess up or stop your menstrual cycle, which you want to be as steady as possible when TTC.

If you feel the need to Google something, go on Netflix and start a Tai Chi or yoga video instead. They even have these on youtube.
Keep an activity on hand that can take your mind off everything else, Soduku book, Puzzle, Mad libs, painting.
Laugh. Netflix has MANY comedians available to watch. Youtube & Pandora have channels as well.

**leahbia_83008** · 12-15-2011 01:59 PM

thank you ladies sooo much for your comments. the reason i put this thread in here is because it seems anytime i post in the sex/sexual health forums they get ignored & this forum seems to have a lot more views :'( so thank you for taking the time out to reach out to me with such kind words, they really do mean a lot. it's hard because my feelings differ from day to day: some days i will feel sad and hopeless, & there are other days where i'm on top of the world (like today!). it really depends on the level of pain i'm experiencing at the time. i still do plan on making an earlier appointment with my doctor if my pain isn't better by monday (my period should be over by then, maybe that's why i'm hurting?) so hopefully i will get some answers.

i truthfully don't even know if i ovulate -- my periods are irregular & my boyfriend and i are yet to TTC, so that is something else that seems to play with my imagination. i did however have an ovarian cyst back in february, so that must mean i am producing eggs, right? then again i wonder if that was caused by the endo... i have never been told if there was a relation between the two although i have not had another one since (that i'm aware of). i hate being like this but it's hard for me. i just want answers & i won't have them until i try, which probably won't be for at least another year or so if time and my body allows.

**BabyGirl** · 12-15-2011 06:55 PM

Goodness Leah,

I'm glad you posted here. I had seen 46 views but no one had replied, I assumed, that you were getting Views but no responses, from ones who may suffer from Endo.

Because it was in the " Happy Place " as I call it .. lol

Glad that you finally have some Responses and Support.