Is it True That Once A Cheater, Always a cheater?

**Agony_Aunt** · 12-22-2011 06:40 PM

Raeding an article online that had reports of Jesse James, has cheated again, and with 19 other different. I'm not sure who he is but it was comments I'd read under it that lead to my question.

A lot of people were just saying, "Yes once a cheater, always a cheater".

But then I take it because "Jesse James" has cheated again and it's in the news, he obvioulsy must have reputation for it.

And the I thought about the guys out there, who do make the mistake, but usually wouldn't do it again. Because they realise what they can loose if they were to do it again, maybe like, there wife and kids, etc.

So now my question to you, is for your opinions on whether you think "Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater"??

Do we judge them as to say, well they've done it once, why wouldn't they do it again?
Or do we question that they get to do it more times, because they are being let get away with it?

I just didn't think it was fair to brand men who have make that mistake, "Always A Cheater" then.

**jns** · 12-22-2011 07:26 PM

Cheating isn't just the province of men. Women cheat, too.

I don't think that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. Some have a one time fling. Others may be serial cheaters, but then they reform for what ever reason. I think a majority of serial cheaters do continue, maybe even the vast majority. However, for a person to label a cheater that way means that they don't want to spend the time and energy to find out if the cheater has reformed.

**Seeker_Advice** · 12-23-2011 12:23 PM

Jesse James...the former Mr. Sandra Bullock. He was with her when she won her oscar. Also semi, sort of famous for being affiliated with a custom motorcycle shop...

Cheaters are like cockroaches...you may find one and squish/stop it but there are plenty more in hiding that you probably aren't aware of...

I was cheated on three times that I know of, three I actually caught her with, by my former spouse and the professionals I worked with thereafter told me there were probably many more...

So yes, in my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-23-2011 12:39 PM

Failed Marriage to an actress, engaged thereafter to the women he got caught cheating on, which went a wall and let's not forget the Mother of his daughter

He in my opinion is a taker... He doesn't cheat, he takes what he wants and to heck with anyone else... Although I think deep down inside he originally gives it his best shot.

I think that once a "lier" always a "lier" consequently a cheater lies.. You have to wonder though if they have an addictive personality...and what else they can't "stop" doing...

**Agony_Aunt** · 12-23-2011 06:10 PM

Funny enough when I was thinking about my own opinion on it, the person's personality was a factor for me.

Then I thought about this being a pretty controversial topic. Some may cheat because like CW said they are taker's, don't give and don't care, yet there are some that maybe in a relationship with no love, and feel they have no other choice than to look else where. But then somebody who is in a good relationship, you kind of question, why they cheated in the first place?

I do believe that some people who do cheat, can learn from their misktake. The majority of them probably won't, but is it really fair to label them a cheat forever?

And yes JNS, women do cheat too.

From a personal experience, I've done it once. He found out. I was feeling very guilty and told him about it and we finished. Only after I done it, I realised what I had ruined with him. Probably could have had the good relationship with the really nice guy who was gonna treat me like a princess. And I threw it all away for some one who was only there for the fun of it. ((This was from before the older guy, for CW's info))

Believe me, I learned my lesson from that one. It's kinda like karma in a way. The hurt I caused myself from knowing after what I'd lost from cheating, was enough to put me off ever doing it again, and I never have done it since.

I could even say that this is from a cheater's point of a view, who had learned about it.
When you realise what you've lost, you also realise and feel how the other person felt. And that is a really crappy feeling. I'm not saying that everyone who cheats, will feel the way I did after it, but I did feel like that, and it is horrible. Especially knowing then, how much you've hurt the other person involved. And then knowing that no reconciliation is ever going to be made. It's in you're mind then, that you ruined it, and its 100% you're fault.

From then, I've moved on and found a new partner who I'm very happy with now, and never in a million years would I ever dream of cheating on him, no matter what happened or what opportunity arose. Main reason why, is because I know how I made that other guy feel, I know I broke his heart. And since then, and after realising what "Cheating" actually does. My personal opinion is that it's simply not worth doing it.
8 times out of ten, you'll end up hurting yourself more if you do decide cheat. Because sometimes the person really doesn't know what they are loosing.

So for me speaking, Yes, I cheated and I lost him. But for future realtionships including the one I am in now, I personally know, it's not worth doing.

SO, now from that look at it, Should I be someone who is cosidered " Alway's A Cheat"?

**jns** · 12-23-2011 06:40 PM

AA, I believe you have reformed. It was unfortunate for you that you had to learn this lesson the hard way. And it was horrible for you ex. Sometimes learning lessons the hard way is the only way a given person learns. Don't spend your energy beating yourself up. It will not solve anything. Just resolve to never do it again and then spend your energy doing something positive for your current relationship.

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-25-2011 09:43 AM

I don't think its a hard and fast rule that once a cheater is always a cheater... there are always exceptions to everything. I do, however, think.. whether or not someone will 'cheat' as opposed to simply ending a relationship they are obviously not suited for -- shows a character flaw that will likely be present and rear its head in either further cheating or other acts of selfishness. Unless of course a person learns from the experience and decides is much more fair to tell a partner they plan on seeing other people (so that the other partner can do the same or decide the relationship isn't right for them). Because I say the words 'character flaw' doesn't mean I think thats how a person will always be or something... I think we all as humans are flawed, if we recognize how to be better and work to achieve it... there is always turning over a new leaf.

Cheating implies a 'cake and eat it too' mentality that generally stinks of selfishness and a lack of empathy for the feelings of people they "love". If a man (or woman)will cheat FOR you, he will cheat on you is a famous saying, and I think... Its mostly true. Cheating is very rarely about the partner or the other person... its about one persons lack of self-control and sense of entitlement.

**sallyskellington** · 12-26-2011 07:09 PM

I think it depends on the person and to some extent the person's genes. Do some people that cheat do it once and realize it was a mistake, I'm sure some do, while others make a habit out of it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-27-2011 01:14 PM

I think when you are "young" the temptation can come in many forms, including, your boyfriend totally letting you down, cheating himself and you being told about it, so you go do it, or too much alcohol, or you weren't really in love with the person you cheated on...

But, like everything in life, there are lessons. If you can realise that you hurt someone, or yourself, by doing it, and realise that, I doubt you would ever cheat again, rather walk first.

If you had no morals, you would continue and not give a darn... I think there is a difference there.

**ItsASecret** · 12-27-2011 02:39 PM

I believe it does based on the 'cake and eat it too' personality flaw. I believe that if you decide to cheat because of some temptation then you have a 'flaw' per se in being able to understand how it can affect your partner at the time and the judgement that cheating is not a good option. Simply choosing to cheat is an acceptance that it does not matter what the other one thinks because you want that fling at the time and that is all that matters. And it is that simple choice of "well I want to so screw it I'm going to do it" that makes me disturbed by people's choices...just saying "whatever" is enough for me to think "okay whatever to you too" if you cannot exercise proper judgement of cheat vs. no cheating. I think a lack of judgement in a case like cheating shows that one is not capable of making a proper decision entirely because the question of "should you cheat?" is an easy said "no". If one cannot make that easy judgement then they have a character flaw in my opinion. Cheating should never occur in a relationship and if one cannot control feelings when faced with a hypothetical temptation, especially if they know they will have a hard time saying no, then do not bother with a relationship. But that is just my opinion, I know not everyone would think that way.