Myspace is difficalt... i love it tho!

My wife is out of town for a month long visit to see her son out of state, and I really need some help, so I googled myspace cheating and this came up…


My wife is having a 'fantasy' affair online with a couple of males on myspace... she has many emotional and insecurity issues, and she also doesn’t know that I know about her secret account.... I found out by accident about her 'other' life after a separate incident involving one of her male 'friends' from another state making a deposit into our account with an NSF check. Her son lives 3000 miles away from us with the father, who is also the father of my step daughter that lives with us, who I love dearly. We needed the money, and I guess she gave a sob story to some fool like me, and he attempted to deposit a check for her. She told me about her secret myspace reluctantly after the issues with the bank, and had to cancel that account for security reasons.

She told me repeatedly that there was nothing to worry about, that she was just craving attention because she missed out on her youth < Prego at 15 with an abusive/controlling ex> and she needed to be a 'social butterfly'. I believe her in as much as she loves me more that anyone in that way... I don’t think she would go and be with these people in a physical sense as she has a totally different picture up representing who she is, BUT she apparently has REAL pics of our daughter on her mystery page because she talks about her on comments with these guys.

A while back she had a huge fixation with that reality show with Bret Michaels. She is a fan of 'daisy' and well... I noticed that she is friends with several rock musicians and on the lead vocal lists page of a popular band she goes on and on like a teenage girl over her high school sweetheart in as much as saying ' I want to suck your beautiful lips on his pic comments and also saying to call her on her new cell we just bought for her trip.

When I tell her about my problems she gets angry, and threatens to leave me... I tell her that is she isn’t happy then go, not that I want her to, but I can’t force her to love me how I want her to.

I am scared that I will loose my whole family over this childish on myspace.... she has had secret pages in that past she says because she feels that I wouldn’t understand if I knew... this is the 4th time in three years she has had a site that I know about.... each time she has told me about them, and renounced myspace stating that she deleted her accounts because she knew they 'hurt' me and I just wasn’t telling her they did. and she CONSTANTLY acusses me of infidelity... if hse only KNEW how loyal I am... and is adamant that what she is doing is not cheating... but if i did it... ohh boy! I would loose my family.

I am committed to her, and want to make this work. I know she has borderline personality disorder, and I know sometimes there are two people inside her head... I love her, and I know I sound pathetic, but I just don’t want to loose my family, but I don’t know how long I can go on like this... I am completely faithful to her, and it sucks because I see beyond what she is doing into her heart and maybe I’m blind but I know deep down she loves me very truly and deeply… she is in her late twenties, but just has this little girl inside of her screaming to come out… we have been together for three years, and I would do anything for her, I don’t know why I have to suffer for what happened to her in the past by other a-holes.


thanks

Who is the man in this relationship? She is obviously disrespecting you and your relationship. Put your d*mn foot down and tell her this is not acceptable. There is no way in he!! I would tolerate this from my wife. As for the check, what did she do to get it? fishy. I would tell her about her myspace account. If she wants to have one that's fine but to try to keep it a secret.... NO! Her having suggestive online relationships with other men, oh he!! NO! Stand up MAN!

I understand the "inner child" wanting to come out, i do it often, i think she's cute and certainly a part of my life, as much as being a woman is. I don't think that means that i am trying to re-live my childhood, rather trying to add, my childlike side into the picture..

I think men find it endearing to have both a woman and a "child like" shy little girl.

Perhaps you need to let her bring that side out, but WITH YOU, seems she's craving attention more than anything else and these guys are giving it to her.

I am single, or separated, or both, (double me), and i am on Myspace, and yes some guys can't help themselves but flirt, being single it's fine. Being married, or in a committed relationship it's not.

She has in my opinion, a compulsion disorder whereby she can't help herself but seek attention, and continue even when she tells you, she creates another one, internet can be addictive. Um, look at how many posts i have done...

Get her away from the computer, make her laugh and be her inner self with you and see how that fairs out, because frankly, no, you don't deserve to feel like your being played like a fiddle, you deserve respect and one on one.

CW

I DO put my foot down, and she DOES stop the behavior..... for a while... like I said this is ongoing.

The of it is that I understand she needs help... I will put my foot down one final time, I realize that I MUST do this, but I just want to be sure that I have been supportive enough, and have tried all that I can to salvage this thing... we have come a long ways together.
I just wont be happy with myself if I walked away after investing so much into it and didnt try EVERYTHING to avoid letting it slip away.


I had to jump into the role of the father/patriarch of the family.... I used to me 'fun' to her, but somehwere a long the way I grew up... for the last 3 years I have done nothing but play a serious fatherly role... and even though I have a right to feel mad, i REALIZE that as selfish as her behavior is, I didnt take the time to remain young at heart with her.

We didnt meet by 'conventional' means.... I HAD to take over the patriarch role.


I have a REALLY good job now, and have the spare time to spend with my family
... I am mainly looking for ways to reach out to her on that level together. Doing this will not oly be healthier for me by reconnecting me with the 'fun' side of like but will let me know for sure that this relationship is doomed if she continues to do what she does online.

I am tentatively gonna wait until after new years to ensure that I have given it enough time... after that its either 'happily ever after' or 'splitsville'.

any advice on how a 30 y/o out of shape writer can spark youthful vigor back into his relationship....not simply talking bedroom, but everything else... adventure/excitement...fun, but responsibly speaking of course.

I want this to work, but like damd said... its getting time for me to be the man. I have played the role of the 'bad guy' with relationships in the past.. i have been selfish before and those women would still come back to me now... I guess this is karma, but im sick of being the bad guy.. I wanted to do this right.... I am just sad that its not 'enough' just to treat someone right.

I know thats pathetic....i just hope no one ever has to experience this loving thier wife and family the way i do.

thanks guys.

sorry for the typos... I should always proof read.

I couldnt find the 'edit' tab.

I am not suggesting for you to be the bad guy. However, there are boundries to every relationship that can not be crossed. Some are self explanatory, some need to be defined. The point is that each member has the obligation to respect those boundries and when they are crossed the other member needs to call that person out. I'm sure that there are tons of nuances and dynamics of your relationship with your wife that you can not possibly list all of them here. You and her are going to have to work that out. My suggestion to you is, if she can not see the boundries on her own then you need to point it out to her. If she can not stay within those boundries then you have a serious decision to make.

I wish the best of luck