Jokes

**WildChild** · 01-28-2009 07:52 AM

Everyone in the family on the farm was coming downstairs for breakfast. As the boy sat down for breakfast, his mother reminded him that he had to do his chores before he could eat. The boy stormed off to the barn in a bad mood. He threw the chickens their corn but as they fed, he kicked one in the leg. Next he fed the cows, but as they fed he kicked one in the rump. Finally he fed the pigs, but as they started feeding he deliberately kicked on in the side. Then he stomped back to the kitchen.

His mother was waiting for him. "I saw what you did!" she said, "SInce you kicked a chicken, you'll get no eggs. SInce you kicked a cow, you'll get no milk for breakfast and since you kicked a pig, you get no bacon or sausage."

Just then the father came down the stairs and tripped over the family cat. Instictively he kicked the cat off the stairs. The boy looked at his mother and said, "Are you gonna tell him or shall I?"

**WildChild** · 02-08-2009 10:02 PM

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, 'Mom I have someone for you to meet.' Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont ..
Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, 'Why the black panties?' She replied: 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore,but down there I am still mourning.'
He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the blackpanties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.She looked at him and asked: 'What's with the black condom?'He replied, 'I want to offer my deepest condolences'

**In-Need** · 02-08-2009 11:00 PM

roflmao,lol,heheheh
that is so funny!

**ThexMrs** · 02-10-2009 01:42 AM

Umm... This might only be funny to me because it's kind of a running joke between my friends and I but here it goes.

Well first here is a little background... I know, that's ruining the joke already. So, I am totally into football. My favorite team is the Patriots and my friend's is the Steelers.

So when the Steelers won the Superbowl I wrote him a little song using "We Will Rock You" the chorus.

You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
Paying the refs so you'll win first place
Singing, we will, we will buy you.
We will, we will buy you.

Needless to say, I was bitter.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 03-08-2009 07:53 PM

**acerousme** · 03-08-2009 08:18 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHHA...ohh wow.

**lovemyself1** · 03-28-2009 05:27 AM

What is a ghost's favorite story?

Little Booooo Peep!!

**janey815** · 03-30-2009 01:48 PM

ooo no. ahhaa im so mad at some of these. lol

**GloryGirl** · 04-02-2009 04:07 PM

what do you call a mexican with a rubber toe????

Roberto!!! hehe

**Peacheskreme** · 04-03-2009 05:19 AM

A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.

"This is $200," she says. "I want one that's more sheer," says he.

"This one is $350." "I want it even more sheer than that."

"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!"

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her. Saying "Go put this on and come down to model it for me"

His wife goes upstairs opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference.

So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she says.

", you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing"

Thread: Jokes

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