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Space Invaders Champion!
Reply With QuoteWhat do women and tornadoes have in common?
Both moan like crazy when they come and both take your house and half your stuff when they go.
What do anniversaries and toilets have in common?
Men always miss both of them.
What do women and tornadoes have in common?
Both moan like crazy when they come and both take your house and half your stuff when they go.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you wil have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
1...A dad was trying to teach his 13 year old son the evils of alcohol. He takes a glass of water and a glass of whiskey and puts a worm in each glass. the worm in the water lived while the worm in the whiskey curled up and died. The dad turns to his son and ask "Ok son, now what does that tell you?"...The son replies "Well dad, it tells me if you drink alcohol, you wont have worms!".
2...A motorist recieved a letter in the mail from the police and in it was a $40 ticket and a picture of his car running a red light. Being cute he decided to mail the police department a picture of $40. They in return mailed him a picture of handcuffs.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
A woman was sleeping in bed only to be woken up at 2:00am by her husband. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "I thought I would bring you some Tylenol and water for your headache" says the husband. "But I don't have a headache," says the wife. "That's all I wanted to hear," says the husband as he climbs in bed.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
A woman with a high sex drive was frustrated that her husband couldn't keep up with her needs. She went to see the doctor and asked him if he had any medicine she could give her husband. The doctor gave her a bottle of pills and instructed her to dissolve half a pill into her husband's drink for dinner.
That evening the woman slipped half a pill into her husband's glass of wine. A short while later he was suddenly in a very romantic mood and the couple ended up making passionate love all night. This scene repeated itself for several more days.
However, the woman was still not satisfied enough. She decided she should just slip a whole pill into his drink. The husband became aroused immediately after dinner and the sex was wilder than ever. This awoke something in her and she became even hornier.
So the next evening the woman took a handful of pills and dumped them into his beer. She thought there was no need to worry. What else could happen other than to turn her husband into the sexual beast she craved? Just then, on the other side of town, her doctor remembered he had forgotten to warn her about excessive dosages.
The doctor called their house the next morning. He wanted to make sure the woman wasn't getting carried away with the pills. That's when their son Billy answered the phone. He was crying.
'Oh, what's the matter poor little Billy?' the doctor asked.
Billy replied 'Daddy ran out of the house naked, Mommy had a heart attack, Sis is pregnant, and my butt hurts!'
LmaoI'm very giggly tonite!
A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a midget. She screams "you promised you wouldn't cheat again!" The husband replies, "for gods sake can't you see that I'm trying cut down!?"
Once a upon a time there was a little boy whose coughs sounded like farts and his farts sounded like coughs. His mother unaware of his condition(until tonight)hates fart sounds. One day he got the whooping cough ,and everyone thought he had bad gas.At school he had a hard time cos everytime he coughed the whole class would be like "Who cut one???"...at dinner time it was even more evident..
*cough*
"Son mind your manners! We're eating."
*cough*
"Please stop farting....or else your grounded"
"I can't help it ma!"
*cough*
"Okay that's it, to your room now.."
"But ma!"
*fart*
"Oh my your cough sounds bad....but what's that smell???"
"Your cheese casserole ma."
(i just thought of that story now hehe lol)
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you only drank blood." The vampire smiles then pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm having tea tonight."
"All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."
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