Thread: Jokes

HAHAHAHHAH!!! Republican or not--you gotta admit that's pretty funny about georgy

OMFG, that's HILARIOUS!!

A man moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
Come morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well then, just give me my money back."

"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

"OK then, just unload the donkey."

"What ya gonna do with em."

"I'm gonna raffle him off."

"Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with the guy and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"

"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898."

"Didn't no one complain?"


"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back."

Now that's what i call a good businessman!!!

there's this joke about women that i found funny but really insulting at the same time...

Why do Men's Toilets Reek?

... because when men urinate, they leave the smell in the toilet... and when women urinate, they bring the smell with them...

You may not know this but many nonliving things
have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold
everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm
them up again. It's an effective reproductive
device if the right buttons are pushed, but can
wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's
often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it
to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it,
and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always
getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, ! because it hasn't changed
much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to
have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought
it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd
be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know
the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

and some more sexist fun! lol

WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to the end,
And always be my very best friend.


MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh!t.

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big- grill for one little weenie?