Guys are confusing..

**k8mt** · 07-09-2012 07:12 AM

So, i know that the bar is not the place to meet guys. Duh. But anyway... we were out at a karaoke thing last Friday and these guys start talking to my cousin and me. The one puts his number in my phone and tells me to use it. So that's an obvious invite to contact him within the next couple of days or whatever. They were trying to get us to go to this house with all of them and just 'hang out' that night but we were both tired and just wanted to head back up the house we were staying at. So i sent the dude a text that just said "this is katie, you have my number now don't be a stranger"
Well basically we had a 3 second conversation in this time period and then i went to sleep. at the bar earlier her had been trying to get me to go to this wedding with him the next day but i had already had plans with my brother to hang out so i declined.
So basically my question is... why give a girl your number if you aren't going to act at all interested? He hasn't tried to call or text really. I've "initiated" (attempted) two conversations with him to no avail. So what is the deal? Why hand out your number to someone you aren't actually going to try to connect with?
(I was in a relationship with someone for 3+ years and this whole dating thing still seems so new to me)

**Little** · 07-09-2012 07:52 AM

He was probably desperate to get a date to that wedding, and a little disappointed you wouldn't go with him. Don't take it personally.

And the bar CAN be the place to get guys, IF you are screening properly. You're a decent person worth dating, and you went to the bar, right? The same goes for guys!

**k8mt** · 07-09-2012 08:14 AM

So should I pursue it or just let it go? I feel like the text that i sent should have been an "i'm interested" flag so balls in his court? He seemed to be like my ideal type which is rare for me to find in MT!!

**KMonte85** · 07-09-2012 08:21 AM

You tried 2 times before and he didn't respond well... I'm not sure if time #3 will do much either.

If you're still interested and want to try again to contact him, it won't hurt... but don't keep your hopes up. Maybe just point blank ask him if he wants to go get a cup of coffee or something casual... if you get no response, I'd say you have your answer and can go ahead and delete his #.

**Little** · 07-09-2012 08:32 AM

at the bar earlier her had been trying to get me to go to this wedding with him

I'm thinking this is the ONLY reason he was talking to you. He might have also thought you were attractive or whatever, but since you didn't serve the purpose he needed you to, he's not going to be interested in the future. Maybe he found someone else to take to the wedding, and now they're "together." Maybe he already had a girlfriend who was going to be busy and just wanted to show up with somebody. Maybe he was fighting with his girlfriend and they've made up? Maybe he doesn't even LIKE women but isn't ready to come out and wanted to bring a lady to the wedding to keep gossip down? Who knows?
What we do know is that two attempts to contact him have failed. I agree with KM ... while another attempt couldn't hurt, it probably won't help either.

**k8mt** · 07-09-2012 08:42 AM

The wedding invite came after a while of chatting. But i see what both of you mean. I'll just see what happens at this point. He gave me his number though after i declined his invite. I have a terrible tendency to over-think things

So thanks for your input.

**ItsASecret** · 07-09-2012 09:09 AM

So basically my question is... why give a girl your number if you aren't going to act at all interested?

It could have been a very simple explanation...he thought it was a smooth move to put his number in your phone and ask you to come to the other house in hopes you would sleep with him. This man may have wanted you to go to the wedding but you already declined so it makes me think he was just seeing if his phone gesture would get you in bed. At the bar often a guy's intent is not to meet a woman to go to a wedding with or go out for a cup of coffee days later...it is to quickly find someone they can quickly use.

**notlikethenormal** · 07-09-2012 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by Little

And the bar CAN be the place to get guys, IF you are screening properly. You're a decent person worth dating, and you went to the bar, right? The same goes for guys!

My parents met at a bar and will be married for 33 years in September, my mother said the only reason she was there was because it was ladies night... BUT! 33 years later they are still together.

**Hugo-B** · 07-09-2012 10:43 AM

Exactly what it's a secret said. x2, I'm a smelly boy and I concur.

On behalf of my gender, I apologize profusely.

**Hugo-B** · 07-09-2012 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by notlikethenormal

My parents met at a bar and will be married for 33 years in September, my mother said the only reason she was there was because it was ladies night... BUT! 33 years later they are still together.

I agree, two people who are potentially compatible can, hypothetically meet pretty much anywhere and hit it off if they are right for each other.

Women are (and rightfully so) weary of men they meet in bars. We're often drunk and more 'forthcoming' for a start. Bars are actually a great way to come into contact with people you wouldn't otherwise meet.

The one piece of advice I would give to any women in a bar who is looking for a potential partner is to be more proactive with the quieter, shyer men. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that people - men and women - who are just looking for sex go to bars to hook up, but you cannot generalize and simply write everyone who goes to a bar as 'not relationship material'. The men just out for sex are easy to spot, they're the ones who'll proposition you ten minutes after meeting you, if that's not what you want then tell him on no uncertain terms. Men this way inclined will treat women like this wherever they are, not just in bars.

Just because a man doesn't have the confidence to approach you in a bar doesn't mean he's a loser or a geek, it takes guts to do this, and it took me a while until I became comfortable doing it. Women out in bars with their friends can be pretty ruthless in the way they reject men, especially after they've had a few drinks and a couple of dicks annoy and harass them. Women in bars are also never alone and as a man I can tell you it certainly takes more balls to walk up to a group of girls than it does a girl on her own.

This is enough to put most men off for good and served as a powerful deterrent to me for many years until I 'worked through the pain barrier' LOL.

I'd actually go as far to say you'll meet more weirdos and ******** heads if you try online dating. You have to be prepared to sift through the 'rough' in order to find the diamonds...